In a relationship with a guy going through a divorce..HELP!

[smartsexy007]

Dear April,

I have been seeing a guy since October 2009 that I have known for over 20yrs. He has been separated from his wife for over a year and living on his own. He has two children ages 5 and 8. I have an 8yr old daughter and have been divorced for 6yrs. Our relationship has turned into something that neither of us expected but we have confided in each other and have grown very close and intimate.

During this time he is going though a divorce that at first seemed like a walk in the park but things have gotten ugly and it has caused him a lot of pain and rejection. He tells me he NEVER had a clue his wife was so unhappy and never thought he would EVER get divorced. She basically came home one day and said “I don’t love you anymore get out!” It’s hard for me to imagine that he never saw this coming?! Especially due to the fact that there were problems in his marriage with money…(which we all know causes most marriages to split) He did not keep steady employment while they were married and she is a doctor who makes at least 250K a year. (Don’t be mad…but I learned this by reading the affidavit his x-wife sent him when she filed for divorce and by his own admission to me through numerous conversations) He also told me she didn’t want him to work because she admitted that she made enough money for the family so she didn’t want him to be miserable doing something he hated. They also employed a full-time nanny (so it’s not like he was Mr. Mom or anything) although he told me he made dinner every night and took care of the kids till his wife came home from work.

Last year when his wife threw him out he got a one bedroom apartment and obtained a job with his Uncle’s company (that he had previously) and is doing well but making only about 50K a year. He came from a very poor family (they were on welfare) and for the last 12 yrs (while married) he has not been denied anything of material possession and lived in a million dollar home, great car, trips, etc. While married he also went back to school and got his MBA. His Aunt and Uncle have no children so his master plan is to take over his Uncle’s company when he gets his divorce settlement.

In the meantime our relationship has become am emotional roller coaster. The other night he came over for dinner and said he couldn’t stay because he had a fight with his x-wife. He then told me it was their Anniversary today. So I said why did you call your x-wife on your anniversary??? He said he called to say good night to the kids (as he always does each night) and his x-wife got on the phone. He didn’t tell me what happened next but I can only imagine what transpired. He came into my apartment and had dinner with me but was in a foul mood the entire time. I told him I didn’t need the “drama” in my life and he needs to move on and settle his divorce. Then he got mad about my friends cousin (who is 26 yrs old) who dropped me a note on facebook to just said hello. He abruptly left my apartment and text me a bunch of notes like….please let me be in my misery….I can’t endure anymore feeling of rejection or jealousy…leave me alone…you will never know this pain…I can’t be hurt again…I am now a woman hater…they always screw you! I have never cheated or been out with anyone else but him.

I have done nothing but try to be a good friend and listener through his ordeal but this is turning out to be more drama than I bargained for.  I care about him but I realize he needs to get through this on his own. I don’t want to date other people but I’m sure you will advise me that it in MY best interest. He text me today and wants to talk when I am ready. I told him I needed a few days to think some things through.

Please advise.

Thanks 

[kai]

Hi SmartSexy007, I’ve told this to several other people who have posted questions in the WELCOME AREA: the Welcome Area [b]IS NOT for questions[/b] and [u]should not[/u] be used to get advice. 😮

it says “DO NOT post your questions” here, when you go to sign up. 😳

Please [b]repost your question in the Q & A Relationship Advice Forum[/b] if you want to get a response from April.

[b]you won’t get a response to your question here — this is the welcome area.[/b] 😀

[April Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

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