In response to "The Nice Guy" article

[cathyluvsfla]

Good Day!

See below the comments I have to the article that was posted about “Nice Guys”. I just had to speak out for these guys! Don’t stop being NICE. Really. If the “little” girl dumps you for being “too nice”, please don’t waste tears on her because in reality she did YOU (the nice guy) a favor and really was telling you in a nonverbal way….that SHE did not deserve you, that SHE was too immature and selfish to even begin to appreciate a nice/good guy like you. Keep being nice…because you will end up at the top of the heap with a really nice lady one day that will appreciate every time you put her first. Below is what I sent to April’s email.

Morning! WOW! This article was amazing, but ultimately SOOOO damaging to us women out here who have experienced life, and really do appreciate the “nice guys” now and know what a rare find these “nice guys are”. This article is teaching and showing men of all ages pretty much to treat us real ladies like crap i.e., confirming what they thought already. I am 46 years old, have dated sooooo many of the so called “nice guys” in the past and would give anything to have met on of these guys again just 5 years ago. I myself had left many of these nice guys in the dust wondering what they did, when in fact they did nothing other than not realize they were with a spoiled, immature woman who was not capable at that time to begin to realize what she had. What would help out this article is to do some research on women of all ages and get THEIR opinion on these nice guys. As far as myself I know what kind of woman I was when I started dating, I mean really aggressively going after guys that APPEARED to be fun, but strategically avoiding all the “boring” ones in my mind. Back over 20 years ago, when I WAS SERIOUSLY IMMATURE, SELF CENTERED AND A REAL HOTTIE, i only went after the most gorgeous men who could deliver the best sex imaginable – or at least in my mind that is what i thought was best. There are certain types of girls and I was one of them that DON’T DESERVE the nice guy and get exactly what we flirtatiously go after. The guys that don’t put their dates or women first are the ONES THAT A WOMEN SHOULD RUN AT MACH SPEED FROM. The so called “nice guys” usually make awesome husbands, because guess what? These are the guys that are many times the best to have children with. Thank you,Cathy

[walterjohnson]

Cathy,

Let me see if I understand your post. For over twenty years, you have forsaken the nice guys in favor of the jerks. Suddenly, at 46 years of age, you have seen the light. So now, you claim “…to speak out for these guys!” Not only that, but you advise nice guys to continue being nice guys? Do you realize that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is insanity?

Yes, you have experienced life. You may even be a better person for it for all I know. One thing I do know is that all of those nice guys that you (and women like you) so cavalierly left in the dust ([i]your words[/i]) have also experienced life and have been changed by it. Unfortunately for women like you, these guys realized that they had to stop being nice guys and start being the type of guys that women actually want.

A while back, I came across a post that answered the question “What Happened to All the Nice Guys?” far better than I could. The URL is: [url]http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html[/url]. Yes, I know it’s Craigslist but it answers the question as well as anything ever written.

Good luck finding a nice guy Cathy. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but you’ll need it.

Walter

[larry]

I loved the article about how nice guys finish last. It describes my girlfriend and I perfectly. The question is, at what point should a man become the “good guy” and open his heart and give everything he has? For example, when I first met my girlfriend of almost 3 years now, I was that cocky, confident guy — she always wanted to see me and spend time with me — there was nothing I could do wrong. Throughout the course of our relationship I have become the always available man described in this article. As such, our relationship, namely her desire to be with me, talk to me, and spend time together, has faded greatly although she says she loves me so much. What should I do? Should I become cocky and unavailable to spark her interests and desire again? I mean, at what point during a relationship do you lose that ego and pour your heart out unconditionally? Or are you not supposed to ever do that? My heart aches for her to be that “old” girlfriend when we first started to date. This is the woman I want to marry someday but I’m so confused. Of course there are many details that go into this relationship which I will save until I can speak to April. I need to know if this relationship has hope or should I leave it now and find a better match. About me: I’m 29, in medical school, and there isn’t a woman I run into that doesn’t compliment me on my looks regardless of her age. Please help. I’m afraid my girlfriend is going to leave me for another confident cocky guy (like I used to be), because she seems so bored with me.

[kai]

I just read your article today “Dating Secret Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last,” and it really answered a LOT of questions for me! So much so that I wrote about it in my blog. (Yes, I gave you full credit) Anyway, I just wanted to say THANK YOU! I went from being the popular jerk in my earlier years, to the nice guy now, and I never could figure out just why I wasn’t as popular now when I’m essentially the same guy looks wise as before. Women just don’t respond the same way to me now as they did before and I’m sick of striking out.

Now this gives me something to work with.

Kai

P.S. If you read my blog entry, the wonderful girl I met when I was 30 was also named April.

http://onerabbitdesign.blogspot.com/

[cathyluvsfla]

Good Day Mr. Johnson,

I appreciate your advice. Thanks. We all make mistakes and admitting them is the first step to changing, being stupid in the past with our choices is a humbling experience and to admit them to people who judge is exactly what I realized I would receive upon posting my comment. How I view life is “it is too late to change only when we are in the ground dead and buried”. I did not mention I was “looking” for a relationship, I just made a comment. It is a shame when people do us wrong and it hardens out hearts and “changes” us from being warm and accepting because then we cannot receive love back. To EXPECT something in return when we give love can give dissapointments to our own selves. My heart has been trounced on plenty of times, but I have realized that if i harden my heart to every man and judge HIM on past relationships with different men then I will be the loser. You sound like you have been hurt terribly. Since being single for years now, instead of praying for “a man”, I prayed for help for my heart – to be softened so that when the right man comes along, I will be the kind of wife I should be. I have religious beliefs so this is what I am referring to in being a wife. Being a single mom of 3, self employed, working 5-7 days a week does not allow to “look” for a man even if I wanted to. Where do we look? Bars, grocery stores, book stores…gee i don’t know you tell me. BTW….with time and patience I believe with patience, love, loving him unconditionally I will have the opportunity to be a wife later this year (I have given my word to marry him upon his asking me)…ya see I am getting married. After 7 long years of being single, now I am ready….yes, I will be 47 this year, but really who cares, I get to experience for the rest of my life what i am now ready for. To love is an act. A conscious act that is a daily effort, asking for patience and guidance from our maker. How do you think people who have been married 30, 40 even 50 plus years do it? If you know someone who has been married that long ask them. I really don’t plan my life on “articles” in magazines etc.

Sincerely,
Cathy

[April Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you…. 😀

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