Is He Hiding Something?

[bmarez]

April,

I married my husband about 2 months ago, we were ‘dating’ for two years before that. I had a hard time convincing my husband to marry me, (he said he wasn’t ready for marriage), anyways, I found out he was talking to his ex from before me (the love of his life) the WEEK before our wedding. I gave him an out, told him if he really wasn’t ready we would call off the wedding no questions asked. He assured me he wanted to go through with it. My problem now is that I think he might be hiding something or someone from me. He puts passwords on his phone so that I cannot see his text messages or phone calls. He tells me that he’s not hiding anything, he just likes his privacy (however he has no qualms about invading my phone privacy.) Last night he disappeared from the house for over a half hour. He handed me the tv remote and said he was going out to the his truck to find a book for school, after a half hour I went looking for him. I checked the house, his truck, and our porch- nowhere. Just as I was getting worried he walked through the porch door. I asked where he was and he said in the truck. I informed him that I had checked the truck, so he said the porch- which I also checked. So he made up so cockadoo story about going around the house and such- anyways… he’s lying. I can’t get him to tell me what he was really doing outside. He just blows me off. I know he isn’t texting his ex (we have a joint phone plan and I can see who he talks to)… he has in the past txted quite a few different girls and would delete their convos so that I couldn’t see what they had said. Back in December, I had got into his facebook and found a convo where he had told a girl that he was single. He explained that it was to get her (an old friend) to open up to him and that he had no romantic feelings for her and apologized for writing it. Did I mention that we had hid our relationship with eachother from his family and friends for almost the whole time we were together? Because they wouldn’t approve… mostly because he was with his ex and cheated on her with me. I love him so much but it is really hard to trust him. Do you think he is hiding anything? Is there anyway I can catch him or make him knock it off? Advice will be appreciated.

[April Masini]

Your husband is cheating on you. 😕 There’s no need to catch him — you already know it. You’re just looking for proof. But that’s not your biggest problem. This is: [quote] I had a hard time convincing my husband to marry me, (he said he wasn’t ready for marriage), anyways, I found out he was talking to his ex from before me (the love of his life) the WEEK before our wedding…[/quote]

Clearly, your husband was ambivalent about marrying you at best and didn’t want to at worst. I’m not sure why you wanted to marry someone you had to “convince” to marry you. 😕 This isn’t the basis for a successful marriage, as you’re now finding out. He has a history of cheating, that you knew about when you married him and now you’re very clear that he lies, too. 😳

If you love someone who cheats, lies and had to be convinced to marry you, you really need to rethink what love and Mr. Right are. 🙁

This marriage is doomed, and my advice is to recognize that you made a mistake and end it. I rarely recommend divorce, but I don’t see a future for you and your husband.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url].

[bmarez]

April,

I know its been a little while since your reply, and at first I didn’t want to believe what you were telling me. As always, I have been a sucker to his manipulations. Well yesterday, he left his phone unlocked… and when I looked through it I discovered that one of his new guy friends he had been texting and calling was actually a woman and he had lied to me. I am now staying with my parents trying to decide what to do, I have suggested we go to marriage counseling with him… he turned that down. So I very much doubt he actually wants to work on the relationship. Anyways, I just wanted to thank you for your advice no matter how hard it was to hear. Thank again!

Brittany

[April Masini]

It’s good to hear from you, Brittany, although I’m sorry that it took you a while to realize that what I wrote you was true. I know you didn’t want to hear it, but that’s your short term problem. The longer term challenge is getting out of this marriage and finding someone who is true to you. I know you can do it.

File for divorce and begin to start your new life.

I hope you’ll read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], while you’re waiting for your divorce to be completed. It’s going to help you a lot in dating again. This time around, pick a winner! 😉

I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url] and @AskAprilcom on Twitter.

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