[relationshipa1]

So I’m in need of some advice on whether it’s time to break up with my boyfriend or not. We have been together for about 6 years, since I was a freshman in high school. He’s 21, I’m just about to turn 21. We’ll just call him James. At first, we were crazy about each other, but over time that has faded away for me, though I think he may still feel that way.
We met online and he lived 2000 miles away until he graduated, when he moved to my city for college. After that I think we spent too much time focusing on each other and not enough time focusing on ourselves and outside relationships, and as a result, neither of us have many close friends.
I moved in with him as soon as I graduated high school, so we have been living together for the past two years. I think that was a mistake on my part. Now, we are in the process of trying to rent a place with one of my only close friends as a roommate. If it’s time to break up with him, I want to do it before getting tied into another lease.
I’m feeling really confused about if it’s the right thing to do or not. I still care about James a lot, but I just don’t feel like I’m in love with him anymore. I constantly find myself thinking about what it would be like to date (he is the only boyfriend I’ve ever had).
Also, he has a medical condition that affects his joints, and as a result, cannot bend his knees and has stunted leg growth. The condition itself doesn’t bother me, but two specific consequences of it do. For one, he is shorter than me by about 2 or 3 inches. For two, I feel like sex would be much better if he could bend his knees. I’ve never slept with anyone else, so I don’t really have anything to compare it to, but it just seems awkward and uncomfortable sometimes. For the record, though, aside from not being able to explore as many positions, the sex is pretty good.
Also, because of the back and leg pain that results from his disability, he has a hard time working typical part time jobs. So right now, he is getting SSI, making just over $600 / month. If we were to break up, he wouldn’t be able to pay rent alone and I doubt he would be able to find another roommate easily (back to the problem of not many friends). I could move back in with my parents, but he would be left SOL, and I don’t know if I have it in me to do that to him.
Another reason I’m hesitant to break up is that he has a lot going on right now. This term at his school has been one of his most stressful, and his family back home has some issues right now. His mom is very sick and going in and out of drug rehab, and his grandfather (his last living grandparent), is fighting his second cancer this year and going through chemo. It’s very likely that both his mother and his grandfather will die before the year is out, and I don’t feel comfortable ending our first serious, long term relationship when he has so much else going on.
I’m really stuck here. I still care about him, he’s very good to me, we have fun together, and we don’t argue much, but I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore, and I want to experience dating other people.

What do I do???

[April Masini]

The answer is yes, it [i]is[/i] time to break up. Since he is the only person you’ve ever dated, and you’ve dated him for six years, and it doesn’t look like he wants to propose — or that you’d accept, then I think it’s high time you break up with him and move on to see what the world has to offer you.

I understand your hesitance to break up with him now because he’s going through some rough times, but to be fair, if you get into another rental lease with him now, and you’ll have to be supplementing his rent, [i]you’re[/i] going to be in an even bigger pickle.

Be kind and graceful, but firm. It’s over.

[Author]

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