is my husband gay..? what should I do…

[kulood]

Hey,,
Im writing my problem and my hands are shaking soo hard..
ive been married to my lovely husband, 2 years now, it was an arranged marriage
I wasn’t really liking the idea, of an arranged marriage, because I had someone in my life for 12 years, that I wanted to share my life with, but things didn’t turn out well between us, and our families, so we just ended it right 4 months before i got engaged to my husband..
so anyways, our honeymoon wasn’t like i was expecting and as I wished, and from what I was hearing from other arranged marriages
there were coldness in our relationship, he didnt like cuddling, and hugging or kissing much
he’d go straight to the point (sex)… I was crying in my honeymoon at night.. and txt my sisters that I don’t want to go on with this..
after that, he would travel alot due to his work, so we barley lived together.. I tried so hard, to show him love as much as i can and switch my love from my past love story to a new one.,, to him..
I did everything, romantic nights, sexy clothes, different new looks… i dont think it moved him much, even though ‘generaly’ he was a great guy at home, friendship…etc
after i gave him ‘the shock’ that I wanted to divorce because I dont feel like a married woman, I don’t feel wanted and special, he actually cried, and changed alot, and told me to give him another chance, and I did…
he started to show more love and use love words, and call or txt more (when he’s traveling), even though sex wasn’t ‘that’ good.. we’d do it once a week? or sometimes twice, which is kinda weird for new couples? am i wrong?
so anyways, we moved to a foreign country due to his work, and we it was the first time we ‘actually’ lived together…. it was nice, until I found a USB with gay porn videos!! I was in shock!! and i talked to him and told him… are you GAY???? because if you are, that explains ALOT!!!
I was shivering and shaking… i didn’t look good, but by his face expression he looked like he didn’t want to hurt me at all…
he told me it was his friends USB… (which I checked it was lasted viewed 2 weeks ago) which doesn’t make sense, but I believed him…
things were great after that. he love me, i love him.. nothing culd be more perfect..
8 months later (few days ago) .. I got access to his laptop , and saw other gay porn vedios again!!!! it discusses me.. it makes me cry so bad.. and make me hurt and regret lots of things in my life..
i asked him again, and told him, you cant lie to me this time… what the story behind that?
are you gay? are you bstraight? or bboth? do you have a problem? you can tell me ? and we can fic this together?
he couldnt dare to lie again.. and he admitted he watches those, but it is only for the sake of curiosity…pfft!!!
he told me that he watches ‘normal porn’ as well … but i didn’t see that in his laptop..
even though he acts so manly, he loves football, he looks normal.. yet his coldness makes sense sometimes,
after the confession, I forgave him again ( I know I shouldn’t maybe?), we had an amazing passionate love making, which haven’t happen before..
now every time I see him, I cant help to think that he might be gay?
Im soo confused now, even though he promised not to do that again, Im so scared, of being a fool.. he’s a great husband, with great personality, very kind, understanding, and every girl would love to have a husband like him (other than the sex life)
maybe he’s using me to hide who he really is..
or maybe he’s confused as well.. and needs help… but he’s not talking to me..
I love this man, and I would do anything to fix this, but at the same time im just soo disgusted right now, and I cant help it but to think of him being gay everytime I see him
Im so confused I don’t know what to do…
I can’t trust him like I used to, I don’t know whether to get jealous / concerned about women or men in his life…
We were planning on to have a baby together, now that I think of it maybe he’s doing that to ‘prove’ that he’s a MAN!!… which in other words .. using me to prove that….
We come from very strict family yet open minded, strict in reputation I mean, we are very well known, and being gay in our culture is a bad thing.. (Im from Dubai)
That’s why I looked up into foreign forums, websites, because they might understand this issue more, and handle it more clearly, than we do
I know its bad , but I always look into his phone , and I noticed some random weird massages I didn’t understand the whole conversation in the text messages (because it gets deleted), but he was a guy, living abroad (a country that my husband tend to visit for ‘vacation’ between now and then.. and the txts were a bit weird for straight guys… they were more intimate I can say..
Im not sure if that’s his secret ‘boyfriend’ or not… I hope not.. he is still contacting him as far as I know…. Even after our fight..
Im so scared.. and vulnerable at the moment, cause I live alone abroad with him, and got no one to talk to, because that’s a HUGE problem for me, and I don’t want my close friends or parents to have that idea about my husband… because I love him.. and I don’t want anyone to hurt him, even by a thought..
What should I do..
PS. I am acting totally normal in my relationship with him right now… but I can’t get this out of my mind…

[tiredofgames]

WOW! The only thing you really can do is try and talk with him. But be sure you are not coming across as accusitory or anything like that. If you can trust what he is saying then you shouldnt have to go through his things on a regular basis. I would definately not have a baby with him until your comfortable in the relationship and where it is going again. A divorce is hard enough and a child makes it that much harder! Just trust your feelings and communicate the best you can. Tell him about the msgs you found ask what the relationship with this man is and tell him why you are concerned about it. You have already “convinced” yourself that he is gay so whats the worst that could happen? He could be gay right? Just be non confrontational and try to talk. Its really all you can do. Best of luck I hope this helps.

[tiredofgames]

WOW! The only thing you really can do is try and talk with him. But be sure you are not coming across as accusitory or anything like that. If you can trust what he is saying then you shouldnt have to go through his things on a regular basis. I would definately not have a baby with him until your comfortable in the relationship and where it is going again. A divorce is hard enough and a child makes it that much harder! Just trust your feelings and communicate the best you can. Tell him about the msgs you found ask what the relationship with this man is and tell him why you are concerned about it. You have already “convinced” yourself that he is gay so whats the worst that could happen? He could be gay right? Just be non confrontational and try to talk. Its really all you can do. Best of luck I hope this helps.

[April Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

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