[helpmeplease555]

I ill try to keep this brief. My girlfriend of 14 months broke up with me on July 21. Before that we were on a week long break. I met her and plead my case and tried all I could do. Yes I realized these were all the wrong things to do to try and stop someone from leaving. I surprised her at work like i did in the past but in my car we had a serious talk and she broke up with me. A couple days ago we planned on just going to the board walk and she still wanted to go as friends and it would be our “last night together.” I dunno why but I ended up going. We ended up walking the beach and talked and we had moments like we did together. She held my hand, hooked up with me and even we had sex on our favorite lifeguard stand where we did it almost a year ago…. It was like our final night together but yet a big tease. The next day she texted me and said it was more hard on her than she thought and asked to not contact her for a few weeks- she needed space and time to get over me. The next day after reading some advice on here I sent her a text to simply state that I agree with the break up and that it was necessary for us- and she quickly responded and said she cant stop thinkin about me and hopes this is just a little speed bump because she wants to be happy with me and always wanted to eventually get married. ( we are both 22).

3 days later she IMs me on facebook and asks to hang out in the week to go see a movie- I thought it was a trap but maybe it was a sign she regret her decision. We had a great time together and we hooked up and she wanted to see me the next day. We went to Philly and hung out with some of my friends downtown and it was great. When I dropped her off she said she wanted to be with me…. The next day I met her for lunch at work and we got back together. When her friends found out 3 hours later my ex was so confused. ( her family wants to see us back together, her friends dont, and she knows I was pushing for us to get back- all of this was making her head explode). Later that day she asked me to meet up with her- I knew that was a bad sign. She told me she doesnt want to be committed to me if she is not 100% sure. I appreciate this cause I told her I didnt want her dangling me around or playing games. She says that she doesnt want to be with anyone now and that she wants to be independent and just be friends for now. I excepted it and wanted to begin no contact. She contacted me a couple days later about something and then I am leaving for a week long trip in 2 days and when I return the next day she leaves for college. I knew I prob would not see her again so I just wanted one last good time with her and end on a good note. What I ended up doing last night is that I went to her house she came out in the driveway and I had some things that I gave to her that were always in the back of my car- I gave them to her and i just said my final case- that I agreed again that we need to break up and that it is necessary for us and to not rule out the future- and told her that I love her and its not a secret that I want to be with her but we will let time be our friend and do its thing. She gave me a huge long hug- whispered in my ear “I love you” and that was that…
Originally she wanted me to help her move in to college anyway as a friend cause she always wanted a bf to help her move in and obviously me – but the more I thought about it- if I dont go at all this could make her miss me and wish i was there- or she could also just be pissed that I was not there due to reasons why she broke up with me.

I started deleting texts i had saved from her. I deleted all photos and videos on my computer and but them in a file on my external hard drive. I boxed every gift she gave me and put it away. I now want to start no contact. I stay optimistic and hope that before the holidays we will be back. Of course I can not predict the future. My game plan is to better myself now and get my life back and not contact her at all. If she doesnt contact me within 5 weeks I was thinkin in the middle of September to give her a call to see how she is doin- or just send her a message on FB and send her a video or something funny and tell her that it reminded me of her and that I hope she is doing well (something suggested in a forum).

Basically due to my situation- am I taking the right approach, no contact, calling her in about 5 weeks or w/e? Please let me know and I appreciate all feedback ( good or bad)

[April Masini]

You’re definitely taking the right approach. 😀 Staying friends or even friendly with an ex is a big mistake. It prevents you from moving on, and it makes you less attractive to her because you’re too available. Give yourself some space — maybe even until Thanksgiving — and see how you feel about her then. 🙂

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url].

[helpmeplease555]

April- I dont know why but this morning I must have been a little tipsy still from last night and i saw she was on facebook and I IMed her and said hi… Ill tell you how the conversation went- but did I just make things worse?

She then told me that I really need to start to getting over her and to move on. She said that I am dead set on getting back together and its not good. My little cousin told her that I have a plan??? I explained to her that he asked me if I would ever date her again and I said that yes hopefully in a few months or years or w/e I would like to go out. When I explained she understood and I cleared it up for her.

But then I asked if she missed me or thinks about me still- and she said no not really. I then questioned her and said I couldnt believe after all this time together you completely eliminated me from your life. She responded and said she was not completely and is just in the process still of getting over me and moving on.
She said she doesnt want to hurt me when she is telling me to move on but she said this…

“honestly it’s nont about being hopeful, its about not thinking about this which i guess in your mind means not being hopeful, so no im not hopeful, im letting life come and doing what i want,
if in a really long time that means im back with you then thats what will happen
but im not just waiting till that time. i just wanted you to know that because i dont want to hurt you
i dont want you to be waiting around while i move on in my life”

So April… due to all this now what is best? Is it really over? Do you see that she is completely done or I should still do no contact? This No Contact is iffy cause if she isnt missing me now or even thinking about me and is eliminating me from her life… what is running away from her gonna do? This is why I am confused. How could I get her to miss me? The answer is that I cant…

[April Masini]

Sorry — I still think that the advice I gave you in my last post is the best advice. 😳

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