Is the future really that far away?

[navigating321]

Hi,
So, I’m 22 my boyfriend is 25. He has big plans to build a beautiful house on the farm land beside his parents in his hometown and already started the process of taking the land over…but I’m not completely on board with it.
He’s just about ready to get married and have kids and the whole deal, and I feel like I’m not quite ready for that yet. I will be eventually, and I hope it will be with him, but just not quite yet.
I also have a problem with (eventually) him wanting to live right beside his parents in a town an hour from the city we’ll both be working in and 3 hours from my own hometown 🙁

I know we haven’t been together for that long but we’re very close and honest with each other.

He’s definitely bound and bent he’ll build a house there and have his nice life there but I’m totally scared about it and not really sure what to do and how to approach the whole situation.

Any insight from you would help tremendously!
Thanks!

[April Masini]

Trust your instincts. 😕

You’ve only been dating for seven months, and you’re clearly not ready for the commitment he’s offering — to live next door to his parents. He’s on a different timetable than you are, and he wants his parents right next door, which you’re not cool with — these are both deal breakers. The tough thing for many people to understand is that someone can be an awesome person, and you can love each other, but incompatibilities like timeframe and in-laws can be deal breakers. It’s a lot harder to accept these types of incompatibilities because the person is so nice and has so many great qualities. It’s easier to break up with someone who’s abusive, cheats, doesn’t want to work, or wants 12 kids when you want none– but this is more difficult because it can seem a lot more nuanced. Nonetheless, make sure you don’t compromise where you aren’t willing to. Slow it down. You’re only 22. And be true to your own values. If things don’t work out with this nice guy, there will be someone else who is more compatible when it comes to timeline and in-laws.

I hope that helps.

[Author]

Posts