"Just friends"?

[Alice360]

2 days ago my bf left his phone at home. I had suspicions so I looked and found a contact by the name of ”Tyler’s Friend”. I read the messages and my bf asked them for an address last month. The day he was supposed to be fishing with a friend of ours who he did take with him. I got smart and discovered that Tyler’s Friend is actually his ex gf. He hunts with his bro. who lives 2hrs away. They leave at 5am everyday so it’s logical for my bf to stay close to his bro’s house. Can’t stay with the bro, cuz the mother-in-law won’t allow it. He told me he was staying at his friend Tyler’s friend’s house who wouldn’t be home all week.. It turns out that he lied and was at his ex gf’s. They dated at 14yrs old. Since then he’s been maintaining conversations with her behind my back, deleting them so I don’t find out. Knowing he was busted, he confessed that he stayed there, and that he’d been to see her a few times since as ”just smoking buddies” cuz he needed a place to smoke his weed when he’s in the city fishing. He also confessed he spent one night at his brother’s. So now I think he lied about not being able to stay there too.He went to her house as recently as last month.Would I be crazy to believe him that nothing is going on? I’ve caught him crying a couple times now in secret. Normally he throws that in my face to cause pity so I won’t be mad anymore. To hide the crying is telling me there’s more to this story.

[April Masini]

Trust your instincts. It sounds like he’s having an affair with his ex-girlfriend. Since you’ve been together for 12 years and have a 4 year old child together, you have a lot invested. The important thing to remember is that cheating doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s very easy to point fingers and blame someone, but this isn’t a person who is a chronic liar. He’s someone who decided to go outside your relationship to feel good about himself. The question for you is, what was he getting from his extracurricular romance that he wasn’t getting at home, and if you can answer that, you’ll find a way to heal the relationship. Sexual betrayal is very devastating, but it’s not always the end of the relationship. Open communication and talk to him about why he went to her and what he gets there… and then, if he wants to make things work with you, figure out where the two of you can begin to heal. 😉 I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

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