[South225]

I met my ex 2.5 years ago. She came into my life during a really dark time and I made a huge mistake during it. In short, my self esteem took a major hit for a while and I ended up using tinder to swipe on photos in order to make myself feel good, although j never touched or slept with anyone.

My girlfriend found out about things and was furious. She accused me of cheating on her and I never fully explained why I did what I did. I lived with her and ended up having to move out for family reasons. We had planned to get back together and move back in together 3 weeks ago, and then she met a guy at a party with a lot of drugs and ended up sleeping with him.

Once she told me about it, she said we needed to work on ourselves and that she still thinks we have a future, but she needed a rebound fling and that she couldn’t sleep at night otherwise, that she missed me and hated me all at the same time. I ended up cutting contact against her wishes. We haven’t spoken in almost 2 weeks and I’m a wreck

I want to get back with her. We were supposed to get married. I’m worried that if I keep silent for too long, she’ll just move on and forget about me.

Yesterday I received an audio text from her at work that seemed to be her working with s child. I have no idea if it was a mistake but it would be difficult to mistakenly send me something like that. I didn’t respond. I’ve even resorted to going to psychics who’ve all told me she will contact me this month wanting to get back together.

How do I proceed? I know what I did was horrible but I didn’t think it was relationship ending.

[April Masini]

How old are you both?

[South225]

I’m 28. She’s 27. We spoke this weekend. I told her I wanted to continue to work on myself and the relationship and she told me she wasn’t ready to trust me again. We’ve been apart for about a month and a half now. I’m not going to reach out to talk to her again for at least a few weeks. She told me she didn’t want to lose the connection between us whenever I told her I was planning to sever contact if she didn’t see a future for us. She keeps saying she “doesn’t know and isn’t ready to throw everything away to trust me again.”

[April Masini]

It sounds like you had a really intense relationship that ended badly. Whatever it was that caused you to sabotage the relationship, needs attention (from you). These things don’t just go away. They fester, unattended. My advice is to follow your path and focus on what went wrong and deal with it. For now, she’s dating someone else and isn’t ready to be with you — and you aren’t willing to stand by while she’s with other guys (understandable). Your break is turning into a real break up, but the future is the future. You just never know. That said, don’t wait. Do take care of yourself, and don’t sweep your personal problems under the rug. Attend to them. 😉

[South225]

We spoke last weekend. I don’t think she’s seeing the other guy anymore. Lasted all of a week or two. But she said one of her guy friends from college might come see her next month, so “obviously I’m not ready to throw everything away and trust you again.” Were her words to me. She also said I just don’t understand the magnitude of what I did to her and she wasn’t over everything yet. She also was unsure I “cured myself in two weeks” when I told her I was seeing a therapist and working on what I needed to change.

She didn’t want to end communication and said the only reason she didn’t talk to me was because I told her not to. She maintains that she thinks we have a future. Her mom sent me a message on the 4th of July and said she hopes we’d start talking again and find happiness.

I am working on myself for now. I am talking to a therapist and reading some books to help me understand what went wrong, and I think I finally understand what I was doing and what my problem was. I am not sure when I’ll talk to her again, or if I should reach out in another week or two, but we’ll see. I’d like to see her again, but I think I need to give her a little more time before we hang out once more, if she’ll even agree to it. I suppose that’s all I can do, unless you have any other advice.

[April Masini]

I think the advice I gave you before is what you should follow. This problem isn’t really about your ex-girlfriend. It’s about your self esteem. No matter what you do with her, if you don’t take care of the underlying issues that caused you to sabotage the relationship, it doesn’t matter who you’re dating, the problem will crop up again. 😕 Focus on you for now, and get better. 😉

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