Long distance mixed signals

[mariejane]

Hi April,
I went to high school with this guy I just re-connected with. We live three hours apart, so seeing each other is tough. We both have very busy schedules. We’ve gotten together twice and had a great time both times. When we first started talking he would talk about the future, planned trips etc. Now it seems like he has backed off all of that and our conversations are shorter, he will disappear in the middle of a conversation and I won’t hear from him until the next day. He does make it a point to try to contact me once a day even if just to say Hi, so I don’t know if I am over-reacting here but the communication is just so different from when we started. He didn’t text me for a day, but then at 7am the next he did so to apologize. I have backed off texting him first because I get an odd feeling when I do. The other day he said how he wished I was with him to cuddle, but when I brought up planning our next visit, he got real cold and it’s been like pulling teeth to get him to actually set a date. Is he pulling the “fade” or am I reading into everything wayyyy too much. It’s so hard to gauge because we are long distance. He said he had a great feeling about us after our first date, but nothing like that since, and I don’t want to ask and bring that up again since we are so new. What do you think??

Thanks so much!

Marie

[April Masini]

From your pre-posting questionnaire, I can tell that you’re both 28 years old and you’ve been dating long distance for six weeks and have had two dates. I think your problems are occurring because you’re putting way too much pressure on the relationship (and him), way too soon. You should always use the first three months of dating to simply decide if you want to continue dating someone because of what you’re getting to know about each other. And, you should assume that he’s playing the field (as he should of you), because it’s way too soon to be monogamous — you don’t know each other well enough, especially after 2 dates and 6 weeks. 😉

The next piece of advice I’d give you is to give him something to chase — let him want you by enticing him. When you make it too easy for him to have you he isn’t going to feel that there’s any game in this and guys love to win — and to win, there has to be game. So back off and allure him into wanting you, instead of counting the hours between texts and expecting daily communication. Save that goal for after you’ve been dating six months or a year. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any more questions.

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