[wacki 0335]

I need some advice really bad. I had been seeing a guy that I really liked that lives 2 hours away. It was great, but the distance was a problem and I broke it off. I missed him really bad so we talked and decided to go back to how it was before and to deal with the distance. It doesn’t feel like it was before. He doesn’t call me or text me first, but always seems happy to hear from me. I seem to be the one bringing up plans to see each other, but he is always available when I ask. I have tried to wait for him to ask me, but don’t want him to think I am not interested since I am the one that broke it off last time. Should I wait for him to call or text first and what if that takes weeks? Should I take this as a sign he isn’t into me anymore? So confused!!! Please help.

[April Masini]

I think you know the answer to your own question, but I’m happy to clarify them for you. When you broke off the relationship because of the distance, your boyfriend took the break up seriously. When you realized that you made a mistake because you missed him more than you minded the distance, and proposed getting back together, he wasn’t completely on board this time. He’s probably waiting for you to put something like the distance ahead of the relationship again, and his heart isn’t into the relationship the way it used to be before you broke up with him the first time.

He’s not contacting you as much because he’s not sure he wants to invest himself in a relationship that you already broke off because of the distance. And….he may have decided that this relationship isn’t worth the investment of his time and energy just yet or ever.

All that said, you shouldn’t contact him. You should let him be the man and contact you when he wants you. When he does, you should be your best self and do your best to be attractive and interested in him, but the ball’s in his court, as it should be, during this dating period of your reunion. If he doesn’t call you and doesn’t ask you on a date, then you’ll know for sure he’s moved on, but if you keep initiating contact, and he’s nice and polite and even interested enough to keep talking or texting, you’ll be able to fool yourself into thinking that he could be interested in you.

Remember, actions speak louder than words. Be very quiet and still so you can hear his actions — he’s either going to contact you and ask you out, or he’s not.

[wacki 0335]

Thanks April!! Your advice is always right on. Sometimes is it hard to see what is right in front of your face ecspecially if it isn’t what you want to see. I will definitely take your advice and be quiet and see what happens. I am afraid I know what will happen and so be it.

I am going to go out and buy your book. I think it will be money well spent and from what I have read of your responses to people, you really know your stuff.

Thanks again!

[wacki 0335]

Hey April,

Wanted to give an update on my first post. I took your advice and stayed very quiet and it took him a week and a day to text me and has text me since a few times with jokes, or a “Hey”. Prior to my post I had made plans with him for Labor Day Weekend. I had to cancel because the plans fell through and I wanted him to make the next plans. He actually has asked me out for this weekend. But, it still doesn’t fell the same though. It almost feels like the beginning when I first meet him and I have to start at square one, get to know him and work back up to a relationship. Is that it? Do I have to prove myself all over again? Or am I over analyzing the whole situation because I am afraid the damage is done? I am listening to his actions, but they change. One day very inviting and the next time kinda short.

I forgot to mention that he is working two jobs now and his finances are not good. I know he worries a lot about that. He had financial problems before, but wasn’t working two jobs.

Does it sound like there is hope?

One last question: I am the one that posted “What should I have done different?” about the co-worker that came over to install light and have a cookout and exposed himself to me. I want to tell the guy that is the long distance relationship about it, but I am not sure what he will think of me inviting a guy over even though it was just as friends. Should I tell him what the guy did or keep it to myself?

[wacki 0335]

Although I probably should know the answer…I don’t. Please see last post!

[April Masini]

When you wrote me asking “Do I have to prove myself again?” I realized how much you need my book, Think & Date Like A Man. Buy it! Read it! You need to inherently understand that you are the prize in the relationship, as the woman. If you don’t see yourself as the one to be chased and won over, he certainly won’t. You should never feel you have to prove yourself to him.

As far as the relationship being wobbly since he’s taken the lead, remember that you broke up with him in the first place because of the distance between the two of you. Two hours seemed to be a handicap back then, and it probably still seems to now. So that challenge hasn’t disappeared. In fact, it sounds like since he’s now working two jobs and having financial troubles, he’s got a lot on his plate. A long distance relationship is certainly not the easiest one for him to juggle right now, and his jobs and finances are a priority, as they should be.

In my book, you’ll learn in depth about how men commit when they’re ready to commit and the way you can tell that they’re ready to commit is that they’re at a certain place in their lives where they are feeling accomplished and settled enough to be [i]able to[/i] engage in a relationship. Your man is still juggling the facets of his life that he needs to get in place in order to be with you in the way you want him to. If you try to force him into a place he isn’t, you’ll end up frustrated. So sit back and look at the whole picture.

Be the woman in the relationship — not the guy. Let him text you and ask you out on dates on his agenda. He’s doing the best he can, and if it’s not good enough for you at this time, that’s perfectly fine — but don’t try to fantasize him into someone he’s not, or the relationship into something it’s not.

Focus on yourself. Read the book, which you can purchase by clicking on the Dating Advice Books link at the top of the page and scrolling down to Think & Date Like A Man, and understand yourself, and what you’re truly looking for in a man and a relationship, and learn how to get it. But you have to be honest with yourself and be willing to look at what’s happening.

This guy is into you, but right now, he has other priorities that he needs to take care of first to be able to be the man he wants to be in the relationship. This is the best he can offer right now. You have the choice to take it or leave it.

[wacki 0335]

Hello April…well here I am almost a year later still in the same situation. He is still having financial problems and says he can’t be in a relationship right now, but says that he maybe someday when he gets he finances in order. He does have two jobs and works in the heat 5 days a week and nights 5 days a week and no day off. He doesn’t want me to go away but he doesn’t really give me much reason to stay either other than says he really enjoys my company. I try to wait for him to text me and he will but it takes a while. He says I can text him whenever I want, any time I want and he ALWAYS replies. He seems a little sad when I don’t text him and try to wait for him and is always happy to hear from me. This past weekend I asked if he had lost interest in me because that is what it feels like and he said No. That was all I wanted to hear but he elaborated and said that he is just tired for the heat, financial problems and can’t have a relationship now. He said that he enjoys our time together, great conversation, laughs, etc. and can talk to me and doesn’t have that with any other female, but doesn’t want to lead me on. He has always been very honest with me. The part that really has me concerned now is the “doesn’t want to lead me on” part. When I see him I have his undivided attention and for a few weeks after I see him and then into about the third week he seems less interested until I see him again and the cycle repeats. He looks a little sad when it’s time to leave. This has continued for one year and 8 months now!! It is so frustrating and I wonder if I am wasting my time. Please help!!!

[April Masini]

I’m[i] trying[/i] to help you, but you’re not taking my help. 🙁

Buy Think & Date Like A Man. Get it here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It’s $15.95 and it’s not just a way to support the free advice I give on this website. It’s a surefire way to help you. The book is a lot more advice than what I can give you on this website. I PROMISE that you will benefit from it and you will STOP WASTING YOUR TIME on a man who isn’t Mr. Right if you understand WHY he isn’t Mr. Right and what you can do to find that man. 😉

If you take my advice and read this book you will see exactly why he isn’t Mr. Right. I know that you have to learn your own lessons in your own time, but it’s disappointing for me to watch you waste your time when one good read this weekend could make your life better.

Read the book and THEN let me know what you decide to do and how you’re doing. I’m so glad that you’re reporting in, but you have to do the homework! 😆

Join me on Facebook and check in on me there until after you read and report in here! Here’s that link for AskApril.com on Facebook: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url].

[wacki 0335]

I did buy your book and it is definitely FULL of great advice and a great read. I guess I consider my situation a little different, but probalby not. The way it feels when we are together is great. I know he cares about me. It is the time apart that sucks and at this rate it doesn’t look like his financial problems are going away any time soon and he won’t get into a relationship until they are good or maybe that is just an excuse. I don’t know….

Thanks for the advice April!

[April Masini]

In the book — and you should find this section and re-read it — I’ve written about the ways to know if a man is Mr. Right. One of the ways is that he’s in a financial situation that will allow him to consider marriage and even propose when he finds that special woman. Your guy isn’t ready to get married — and you are. You’re not compatible in this way, and you’re refusing to accept the truth because you don’t want the pain that comes with the break up and the fear of not finding Mr. Right.

Well, I hope you’ll be brave and understand that you deserve to go for what you want, so don’t settle for what’s making you less than happy. Re-read Think & Date Like A Man and understand that your boyfriend is doing everything short of taking out a sky writing message to you that says he’s just not ready. Don’t waste any more of your time — or his — waiting for what may or may not happen.

I hope that helps. I’m sorry it isn’t what you want to hear, but I know you’ll recognize the truth in what I’m telling you.

Please join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url].

[wacki 0335]

Your reply almost made me laugh…not because it was funny, but because you’re so hitting the nail on the head. I actually did start to re-read “Think & Date LIke a Man” the other night and had actually forgot the most important parts of the book. A year ago when I decided to give it a chance, I let my guard and stopped looking at the big picture. Before I knew it a year had gone by. I didn’t realize it had been a year until I saw the date of my last post. So much of your book is crystal clear this time, so much so that it blew me away that I didn’t see it before, even though I had read it before.

Yes, it is sad, very sad, but I know I have to move on and let this one go!! 🙁

Definitely helped!!!! You are 100% correct. Thank you so much and I think I got it this time!

[April Masini]

Yay! 😀 You read it and it helped! Hoo-rah! I’m really glad.

Thanks for your kind words — I hope I can help everyone the way I did you.

Let me know how things go — and please join me on Facebook — I’d love to have you as a free member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url].

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