losing my mind

[maria]

I’m in the process of getting a divorce after 8 years of marriage. i’ve seeked legal representation except for one problem. my lawyer is a year younger than my soon to be ex and quite handsome. i can’t get him out of my head. i think romantic thoughts about him all the time. going to his home, having dinner with him and you can imagine what else. i’ve found myself trying to look up his profile on the internet just to see a picture. i’m 38 and my soon to be ex is going to be 33 so my lawyer is 32 and very successful obviously. i liked what i saw the first time i met him in his office and like his voice (quite deep), attitude and work style. i didn’t catch if he was married but he said his anniversary is or was the day after mine. what does it mean? need help.

[April Masini]

Get a grip. Your attorney is going to charge you anywhere from $250 an hour to $750 an hour depending on where you live and what kind of credentials he has. You will pay for phone calls, faxes, e-mails and any writing he does as well as court appearances at that hourly rate. This includes calls where you are flirting with him. You can’t afford this kind of silliness. It’s understandable that you’re lonely and ready to date since you’re divorcing. Lesson number one: do not date your divorce attorney. You are asking for trouble. If he goes out with you, kisses you or sleeps with you, he can get disbarred. Forever.

Try online dating. Ask your friends to fix you up with eligible men. And as a word of advice, keep your dating on the down low from your ex-husband while you’re in litigation. Even if he’s the one who asked for the divorce, men have a funny of way of becoming infuriated when their ex-wives start to date. There is no reason for you to flaunt this or even allow your ex to know about your dating now.

Cute attorneys are not that rare. Find a single one who is not representing you.

[tricia]

Obviously, your lawyer is no longer available, you just didn’t know if his married or just into a serious relationship.

It’s also pretty obvious that your attracted on that guy but the question is… does he feel the same way? I suggest you to focus first on the divorce and once you were single again then that’s the right time to entertain your feelings towards him

[maria]

thanks for the two replies. i needed a kick in the pants about it. i would not entertain the idea of going after him while he was representing me. i understand he could get in trouble and i wouldn’t want that to happen. what is your opinion on if the case was over so all bets are off. this is just a what if.. the suspense is killing me.

[April Masini]

If your divorce does not concern children, then chances are that once your divorce is ordered by the court and your property has been settled up, you’re done with your divorce and your attorney. At that point I see no reason why you can’t date your attorney.

But, if you have children from the marriage that is ending in divorce, then the chances are that you’ll be needing your attorney for working out custody changes or child support modifications throughout the course of the kids’ minority (until they are 18), so in that case, you can’t date your attorney. Unless, of course, you want to fire this attorney and get a new one. There’s nothing wrong with that.

My concern is that you focus on getting a good divorce while you’re in the middle of it, and not get distracted. I would hate for you to look back in several years and say to yourself, Gosh, I got a bad divorce settlement or judgment because I was so distracted by my feelings for my attorney I didn’t speak up or ask questions. I want you to focus on what’s important right this second, which is your divorce.

But once you’re divorced, and you’re done with your attorney as an attorney, go for it!

[maria]

hello april,
thank you for the recent reply and not getting distracted. you helped me out with answers to my questions. it helps put things in perspective. i appreciate it.

[April Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you…. 😀

[Author]

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