[relationshipa1]

hello
I am a 33year old married woman. I dont have any kids. I keep having this arguments with my husband. the latest one is that he claims i starve him of sex. i sleep with him vertually everyday. I am a working class woman, so is he. we come in from work latest 7.30pm then i go in to prepare dinner. the moment i seat on the bed i drift off but my husband wants to have sex every night. he wakes me in the middle of the night to have sex forgeting we need some rest. some times after 3 to 4 days of sex i start having pains. before i got married i was not a sex person, i can go for months without doinging it. I cant bear it anymore. he is threathning me now that he is going to start a relationship with someone that can satisfy him. he also claims that im relegating on my marital duties. please what do i do? kindly advise me.

[libra1963]

It sounds like you both need to talk. Does he know you are not happy with his demands? If you resist him he proberly will turn to someone else and your marriage will be on the rocks.

Can you not ask him to prepare dinner a few times a week while you run a hot bath and relax. You will then feel a little more turned on and be more accommodating and then his desires will drift off. Do, however, make a bit more of an effor on weekends as sex is very important in relationships.

If all fails you may need to see a counsellor.

Good luck! 🙂

[April Masini]

First of all, if you’re having pain as a result of sex, go see your medical doctor to make sure you don’t have an issue that needs treatment. If you have pain as a result of sex, it’s understandable that you’re not going to want to do it. So take care any medical issues that may cause pain from sex.

Second of all, I’d like to know what your other arguments are about. It seems like you wrote that you’re having a series of arguments with your husband, and that only this latest one is about sex. What are the other ones about? How long have you been arguing? And how long have you been married?

It seems like sex may not be the real problem here — but it may be the one you choose to address — maybe because the other ones are too complicated or difficult for you to talk about. Let me know if this is right or not. I’m wondering if your husband’s threat to go outside the relationship for sex and intimacy doesn’t have to do with your sexual relationship with him, but about other problems you have with him, too — and that this is his grand threat to get your attention.

Having sex with your husband is an important part of marriage, and if it comes down to dinner or sex, I suggest you tell him to pick up some take out food for dinner so you can use the time you’d be cooking to bathe and get ready for him later. 😎

If you’re losing your sex drive or plain old just want to try and meet him halfway in the sexual department, you’ll feel better about your sex life if you start treating yourself as a sexual object and presenting yourself to him as one, too. Treat yourself to some sexy lingerie, and a new fragrance. Light some candles in the bedroom and treat yourself to some grooming practices that make you feel sexy. Don’t limit your sexual behavior to the bedroom — you can call him during the day and and tell him all kinds of sexy things that will be a prelude to the evening. In other words, jump start YOUR sexual battery to get him more focused on how lucky he is to have you.

You two have to get off of the bad groove you’re on and into a more intimate and sexy one. Instead of resisting, try to be more generous in this department. It will serve you in other parts of the relationship and in your own sense of well being.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

And please join me on Facebook — I’d love to have you become a member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url].

[Author]

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