[Saraho_06]

There is this guy at work that began flirting with me. I had a boyfriend at the time (I no longer do) so i didnt think much of flirting back. He made sure to ask if I had a boyfriend a few times, which i took as a sign of interest. I began texting him as my old relationship was ending. I initiated contact but he kept it going. He would send me flirtatious and slightly suggestive texts on a regular basis. We also talked a lot about his personal life. We talked about how he is a recovering alcoholic and we both talked about our religion.
Eventually, after many failed attempts to hang out, he asked me to dinner at a place he knew i would like (i’m a vegetarian and it was a vegetarian restaurant. I was impressed he remembered this because I only mentioned it once). This is the timeline of the events:
Wednesday: He asked me if we could have dinner sometime next week, I said yes.
Thursday: He asked me if I could cover a shift for him at work as he forgot he was babysitting his niece, i said yes.
Friday: He asked for my help getting his Friday PM and Saturday AM shifts covered because his father had a heart attack. So I went into work and talked to the bosses for him while he was in the hospital with his dad. I got it all figured out. I ended up working at 730 in the morning for him Saturday. He was very thankful for this. he texted me while his dad was in surgery, saying that he was scared his dad would die and that he just wanted to stop crying. I asked if there was anything I could do to make him smile, and he said that I always make him smile.
Saturday and Sunday: His dad was recovering and he and I texted like normal, and he told me he was excited for our date.
Monday: We worked together, but we didnt get to discuss when we were gonna have dinner. So i texted him after work and we agreed Wednesday would be a good day to do it. Then later on I found out that he picked up a shift at work for that Wednesday, after we had made dinner plans. So I texted him to asked him what gives. He said “Im really really sorry, i still want to go out with you, and im not going anywhere, I just really needed the money after a weekend off” I tried to understand, but i was really dissapointed. So on Wednesday night I texted him and said, in the interest of being honest I wanted to let you know that Im still kinda upset that our date got cancelled.

This is when he gets confusing. He said “Im really sorry you feel that way, but we are only friends, and something important came up” I was upset to see that he said we were only friends, I know nothing official happened but we talked everyday for like 2 weeks and we were gonna go out. So I asked him if he was still interested in going out with me and he said “I would love to take you out as friends. you really helped me through a hard time (meaning his dads heart attack) and deserve a nice night out on me” This was upsetting to me, mostly because he asked me out before i did anything to help him out with his dad’s situation. MORE COMING

[Saraho_06]

So i just told him that I didnt want to waste my time, and that if he just wanted to take me out to say thank you that he shouldnt bother.

Since then our relationship has obviously been strained. I have been rather mean to him at work. I think I was just really excited about our date so thats why I took it so hard and reacted so negatively. We haven’t texted in a couple of weeks but at work he still looks at me like he likes me. he still initiates contact, his body langauge shows that he likes me, and a friend of mine says that he talks about me (in a nice way) when Im not around. But he hasnt texted me.

Im really shy and Im always really self conscious about seeming like a crazy obsessed girl. I initiated a few texts like 2 weeks ago but didnt get much in return. I know he could be busy and what not and therefore not able to carry on conversation. But he hasnt initiated any texting conversations. Im thinking of just giving in and texting him and saying “I miss seeing your name in my inbox, can we be friends again?” but Im not sure if this will come off as too needy.
In your opinion, is it worth pursuing this guy? I like him, but does it seem like he is a lost cause? Does he not have feelings for me because he isnt initiating text conversations? or did I just scare him off by being too mean? Any advice is welcomed!! Thank you!

[April Masini]

You’re not getting mixed signals. You’re getting very clear signals — signals that you don’t want to accept. 😮 He didn’t take you out on a date and you are the one who initiates contact by texting him. Those are pretty clear situations. If he kept his word and picked you up, took you to dinner, kissed you good night and called you afterwards to tell you what a great time he had, you’d know you’d been on a date. He didn’t do any of that. He asked if you’d go on a date, but then never made a time, a place or even followed up to make sure he could have your company for an evening. 🙄 He never took you out. And in fact when you pressed him for the date, he ended up canceling. 😳 Actions speak louder than words and he isn’t treating you like a girlfriend or even like someone he’s dating. He’s treating you like someone he [i]might[/i] like but isn’t interested in enough to date. In fact, he’s told you you’re just friends. What’s confusing about that? 😕

What you need to understand about dating if you want more success is that chasing men doesn’t work. You should not be initiating texts and you really should not be asking him why he isn’t taking you out on a date. It’s presumptuous of you since you don’t have a dating relationship to assume he owes you a date. If he stands you up, like he did, don’t get mad — [i]get the picture[/i]. This isn’t a guy who’s interested or capable of having the kind of relationship you want. If you try to make him be someone he’s not you’re going to be miserable and frustrated.

You would learn a lot from my book Think & Date Like A Man, that you can download here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You’ll get all the low down tips on how to get a man to ask you out without blowing the deal. You’ll also get all the information on how to tell if a man is ready to be in a relationship or not. This is going to be very helpful to you! 🙂

In answer to your questions: No, he’s not worth pursuing. You shouldn’t be pursuing any man. You should be giving a man you like something to pursue in yourself. 😎 He isn’t necessarily a lost cause, but you have to change your tactics with men — and this man in particular (Read [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b] for the crash course!). His not texting you doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings for you — it means he isn’t interested in you enough to text you. And yes, you very well did scare him off by being too forward. Men want to be the ones who take the lead. You took that opportunity away from him. Back off and be the seductress, not the hunter. That dynamic will work A LOT better for you!

I hope you’ll check out my Facebook page at AskApril.com on Facebook — here’s the link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url]! 😀

[Saraho_06]

Thank you so much! This is the advice that I have been looking for since day one. I wish I had come to you sooner!

I plan to get your book, is it available at Barnes and Noble? my computer has slow downloads.

When you say to be a seductress, do you mean be flirtatious and leave him wanting more? I think I can do that I just need a few ideas, I get kinda nervous around him. Thanks again!

[dustin]

hi sarah.

I have the same trouble with downloads and found april’s book on both barnes & noble and amazon. i bought it and it’s FANTASTIC! i love love love it! 😀

i don’t know why they don’t have links on the site to them ❓ , but here they are:

Barnes & Noble
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=rQ3TlLRCcY&isbn=0595374662&itm=2

Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0595374662/ref=lpr_g_1/102-2178981-9624908?s=ebooks&v=glance&n=551440

[Saraho_06]

Thank you dustin!!

[April Masini]

I’m really glad I could help — and you can easily buy the book, Think & Date Like A Man, right here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

Let me know how you like it. 🙂

[Author]

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