Mixed signals

[OverThinker]

I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month now. I thought things were going good, but then he started acting weird one weekend. The same weekend pictures of him with his arm around a girl at a bar were posted. I know he and this girl work together and dated for about three weeks before he and I got together. I was actually blown off for those three weeks because of this girl and given the “I’ve been really busy” excuse.

After that weekend I decided to ask him how he thought things were going between us. Later that night, he was on Facebook chat and I still hadn’t gotten a reply, so I called him out on it (politely so I didn’t seem like a crazy B). He said “Sorry, I’ve been really busy” and that he would check his phone tomorrow because he was already in bed. The next day he still hadn’t replied so I basically threw in the towel and asked for some of my things back. He ended up calling and apologizing, saying his head was “in a weird place”. He wasn’t ready for a relationship but he thought that I was good for him.

He was sweet the rest of the week, but when the weekend came around he went MIA again, which sucks because weekends are the only time we see each other.

I don’t know if I’m investing too much time and feelings into something that isn’t worth it.

[meowmix]

He wants to try and juggle two girlfriends is what it sounds like. He likes you but he also likes the girl he works with. He doesn’t want to lose either of you but hasn’t decided which one he likes more. Obviously if he can’t figure out that it’s you he wants then you need to find somebody who will always choose you over someone else.

[April Masini]

The signals aren’t that mixed — the problem is that you don’t want to see them for what they are. He’s not committed to you the way you want him to be, and not okay with his dating the field while he figures out if he wants to commit more time to you. If during the month you’ve been dating him he shut you down for three weeks while he dated someone else, two things were happening. First, you mistook this relationship for more than it is. He’s casually dating you. Second, you’re pushing him away by checking in with him to ask him about the state of the relationship[i] after only one month. [/i] 😕 Men hate having those talks about “the relationship” and if any guy hears a woman asking him about his feelings she’s going to come off as a pest. And if you’re checking up on him to find out why he didn’t respond to your text or e-mail, well, you should take the hint, and let [b]him[/b] be the one to chase after[b] you[/b] — not the other way around. Sorry, but you need to know this in order to figure out how to date successfully. Without his having to say how things are going, you’ll know: If a guy likes you a lot, he’ll call you and ask you out on dates. If he doesn’t, he won’t.

My advice is to lighten up and consider him what he is — a guy you’re dating casually who’s playing the field before he commits. If that isn’t interesting to you, then move on and find someone more to your liking! 😉

You should really read a book I wrote for women who want to date successfully, called Think & Date Like A Man. It will help you understand men, and how to win them over. You can buy it on the websites for Barnes & Noble or Amazon — or right here: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url]. 😀

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