April Masini › Relationship Advice Forum › Relationship Advice Forum › Moving forward…
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April Masini.
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August 21, 2012 at 10:49 am #5660
relationshipa1
KeymasterHi everyone. I’m new to this forum. Last year I met a man who seemed heaven sent. He is a “Christian”. He told me he was divorced and said he divorced his ex because she cheated on him several times. After some time he begin to seriously discuss us having a future together and getting married. We had not gotten engaged it was just being talked about. I was happy about this because I really felt that he was the one for me and I am 38 years old and I’ve never been married. When we met I was actually at a point in my life where I had accepted being single and the fact that I might never get married or have kids. So fast forward; after dating Mr. Great Christian Guy for 8 months with no issues things begin to change. He became somewhat distant and then he asked for space “because he needed to sort things out” but he claimed he didn’t want to break up and we’d be getting back together. He continued to call me several times a day and we would still see each other. I told him that I couldn’t do the space thing and he insisted that he did not want to break up and wanted to remain friends.
Ultimately I found out that he was divorced because he cheated, then I found out that he was engaged to another woman in another state while he was seeing me (this is how he was able to carry on both relationships ) also, he took some property of mine and was refusing to give it back; I actually got law enforcement involved. Of course he denied being engaged and even stated that he still loved me and wish we had never broke up. This was the last conversation we had before I confronted him with the truth while the fiancée was there; during this confrontation this was the first time he ever admitted he was engaged and had the nerve to say “we never dated” .
Anyway, I’ve been working on forgiving and moving on ( I don’t want to be angry and bitter) but this has really affected my self-esteem. It’s hard enough being a single female over a certain age; people tend to think something must be wrong with you if you aren’t married but honestly this situation is really making me think why me? I know that I should be glad I found the truth out and I definitely wouldn’t want to be the fiancée that’s been cheated on; so why do I feel like I lost something. Why do I feel like this relationship was my last chance; I know the negative thoughts are crazy…I guess I just need someone to tell me look, this guy was no good and you’re lucky he’s gone but I feel incredibly alone now. I’m not even sure if this is the proper forum for this because it’s about dating advice but I don’t want to end up in the same situation again. I’m hoping I can still meet a great man to spend my life with. This experience has taught me to follow my gut and try hard to recognize any warning signs.
I guess I’m just venting.
August 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm #25715April Masini
KeymasterHe did take something from you — your trust and your time. However…. he was certainly not your last chance. 😉 And…. he only took 8 months. Somehow or other you’ve been single without him for the rest of your life, so being single isn’t about him — it’s about you not meeting Mr. Right.Sometimes when bad things happen, they create opportunities to really figure out what you want. My advice is that you use this opportunity to really figure out who and what you want, and take dating seriously! You’ve been burned, so now get back out there and be careful. Don’t invest in one man until you’re very sure you know you’re both on the same page and are compatible!
You can read Think & Date Like A Man, a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and win Mr. Right. It may have some basics you think you already know, but I bet they’re going to help you! Here’s the link for the book:
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