my bfs ex is CRAZY please help

[ilovehim]

okk so my current bf was dating a girl about 8 months then he broke up with her this was in june or july. me and him have been together since Christmas. the problem is that is ex doesnt get the hint! i was going through his phone(he knew and he let me) she was saying some really stupid stuff the conversation went
her-guess wht:)
him-huh?
her-i got *jake hard when i danced with him
him- ok? idc why ru textin me bye
her-u should care
him-why wld i
her- cuz i never danced with u like that
him-ok bye
her-arent u jealous?
him-NO im not with u now i love *harmony not u
her-im real good now like a black girl i got *jeff hard in like 20 seconds
him-why do i care why wld i be jealous ur acting like a ho to make me jealous
her-im not ho i was grinding tell me who doesnt do that
him-then leave me the fck alone BYE
her-fck you

theres more throughout but thats the basic conversation should i confront her? i told him it made me mad and he said
she always texts me saying stupid sh!t i just say i dont like u or ever think about u or of us ever gettin back together+to leave me alone
i know hes telling the truth but i dont know what to do about her ive tried ignoring her but this isnt the first time and she calls him too but i seen most were missed and he hasnt called her im not really mad at my bf but this ex is really starting to make me REALLY mad

[April Masini]

Do not confront your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. He is handling it fine, and while it bothers you, it’s none of your business. If you don’t let him be the man and handle his ex by himself, you’re going to create drama that is not necessary.

If and only if your boyfriend comes to you for advice, you can suggest his not engaging in her texts at all and just deleting them. The engagement keeps her coming back. But, from what you showed me in your post, he is on the way to doing exactly that, but in his own time and it’s important that you let him.

Focus instead on your relationship with your boyfriend and understand that crazy people are all around — just don’t make them part of your life.

[ilovehim]

ok so i let this go but now there is a huge problem.
one day when i was at a volleyball game afterschool with my boyfriend. he asked me to stay afterschool,knowing i would,to stay at his sisters game. i got bored and i was reading the texts he got over his shoulder(he wasnt really trying to hide it) a girl who used to have a huge crush on him was saved as ashley marie:). the week or so before i had been at his party and i had been going through his phone(he knew) and i seen the messages listed above from his ex and ashley had been saved as just ash r. well i got suspicious so i logged onto his facebook (he gave me his password and allows me on it) and i seen he had a message …from his ex i wanted to almost cry when i saw her name, i read the message it said
“sorry i was guna stay but im supposed to be”grounded”and anyways u were with *lizzy(thats me) but i will see if i can stay another day:) lol”
i was soooo upset the next day at school i wouldnt let my bf touch me or anything he knew i was upset though and kept asking what was wrong our main conversation mainly went
him-whats wrong?please tell me
me-would you cheat on me?
him-of course not!
me-oh
him-whats wrong?
me-have you talked to ur ex recently?
him-yes
me-oh well you have a message you might want to read it on facebook bye
him-wait
me-bye
we headed off to second period,halfway through class i looked at my phone and seen i had 13 new messages
he basically told me his ex had im’d him on facebook asking for her stuff which he said he didnt have and she said he did and he said no he threw it away bye then she said wwhatever *mike has a bigger dick and stuff like that and he said i dont care bye and she said wait ru going to ur sisters volleyball game and he said i might if *lizzy goes and she said well if she doesnt i will be there if she doesnt ok? and he said oh she said yeah my boobs have gotten bigger ..wanna see(a pic) and he said idc and she said ok then he said no i dont want one then she said they could stay after and go behind the stairs And do stuff(she basically offered head) and he said no he wouldnt do that to me.
well i was still in 2nd period when i read these messages and guess what! his ex is in my 2nd period i broke down well to make a long story short i decently confronted her and asked why she was going to try and stay after school with my bf and she said what are u talking about? and i said u know*mikey has a bigger dick and she said oh that and i said why are you and she said why dont u ask him? and i said i did now why are you and she said im not and i said wow i seen the message and she just called me a bitch said i piss her off and that she hated me. well word got around i wasnt afraid of her and she texted me after school and said she’d fight me i told her ok next time dont run(she did the first time) and she said if you piss me off i will go insane and i said good so will i and then she said i dont even know why you are so mad its just a message –i was completely dumbfounded! i said fine explain your story and she said my bf asked her to give him head and all that pretty much blamed it on him
but here is where i am torn i kindof believe her story cuz my bf is hormonal and she made him sound mean like he usually is to her, and cuz he didnt tell me about this conversaton when it happened
but i believe my boyfriend because if he asked me to stay after school that day knowing i would, he told me what happened before he even had read the message on facebook, and his ex is still in love with him and she tries to break us up alot even though she denies it
but im confused who do i believe??

[April Masini]

You didn’t take my advice when I told you not to confront your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, and now you’re in a bind. 😯

I’m going to give you the same advice I gave you before: Stay out of any contact or conflict with other women you think your boyfriend is cheating on you with. Your relationship is with [i]your boyfriend[/i], not these other girls at school. You’re making drama where there doesn’t have to be any. I glanced at your older posts, and clearly, you have a history of worrying about cheating and not trusting.

You’re sabotaging yourself and stirring up those problems of your own distrust and anxiety by getting in other girls’ faces. Stop reading his texts. Stop going on his Facebook account. Stop confronting other women.

If you don’t trust your boyfriend, then break up with him, but you can’t keep going around blaming his ex or anyone else for your own issues. Re-read my posts to you and try and take them in. I know you’re anxious and excitable, but if you don’t take my advice, you’re going to just make more drama and have more problems in your relationships with this guy or anyone else.

[ilovehim]

yes i know i shouldnt have i didnt confront her the first time but in this situation i forgot your advice im just so frustrated they broke up almost 9 months ago and she is still obsessing over him, she will text me out of no where saying that he still loves her and will always love her and that he is going to end up with her and all kinds of stuff(yet she says she hates him)
i do ttry and trust my boyfriend he is allowed to talk to other girls and he still talks to his other exes but he doesnt want to talk to her and she is always offering things that i wont give him so far he has resisted her but this is his only ex he has really gotten intimate with and i want her out of our lives i waited 3 months for her to disapear and she hasnt. i think shes in denial everyone even her friends say she is obsessed.i trust my bf…its her
and …can u answer or provide guidance on who i should believe from the last post?

[April Masini]

I’ve given you really good guidance, but you don’t take it. 🙁

I’m sorry you forgot my advice last time around. Maybe you should re-read my posts so you can let the advice sink in. Sometimes people say they want advice, but really, they just want to hear themselves talk. Maybe that’s you.

Anyway, as I’ve told you already, as long as you focus on this other girl, you’re going to have misery, which seems to be accurate. When you’re ready to change YOUR ways, and do what I’ve suggested in my posts to you, you’ll have an easier time in life.

Good luck! 🙂

[ilovehim]

yes i know i shouldve taken your advice but i had alot in my life going on and i let emotion take over logic. i guess i should explain more about my bf *fred and i. i knew who he was but i only had caught glances of him in 7th grade. he wasnt someone i stalked but i remember the most random things about him and i dont know why like seeing him in walmart, and having to sit by him on the bus once. i never thought about dating him but i think deeeeep down i knew i liked him. then in 8th grade he was in my lunch. he used to flirt i was interested but i never paid him much attention if any at all. then one day he came up and asked if i wanted his number. i asked why id want it and he said so we could talk. so i took it and we started talking. i really began to like him alot but he had a gf at first he said he was going tto end it and i just said ok if you want well he didnt. we would get into huge fights and only my friends really knew about me and him since he had a gf. we never did anything except hug and flirt.it would kill me to see him affectionate with his gf although he wouldnt kiss her in front of me or anything(something i noticed she would ask for them and hed say no) i cried alot over him and he at times was a major @$s but i was still crazy about him. i had a boyfriend i met at a park and he was way in love with me…we dated a week and i ended it because first of all i still had feelings for fred and secondly i didnt want to lead him on. well after 8 months of being his sideline fred finally broke up with his gf. he was a total d!ck to me. i got tired of it and during the summer break i dated *ray. ray was emotionally abusive and manipulative. i rushed into this relationship and used him to get over fred. well when school started fred and me had two classes together and i was having trouble with ray. fred knew and offered me an outlet for my emotions. me and ray broke up but me and fred were only best friends. it wasnt long before all my emotions came flooding back…but fred didnt want a serious relationship he made that clear …most of the time but he also expressed deep feelings for me. he flirted with other girls even had a gf for a week that he kissed once but besides that he hugged me, asked me to meet him at his locker,and texted me all the time,asked me out(i said no when i was with ray) and on our first date he didnt kiss me but he was sweet. well on our second date we kissed. he was my first kiss and it was great . he told me he loved me and began to seperate from those other girls. he asked me out on christmas night. i said yes. since im not the popular girl and hes a jock he had aalot of people trying to break us up alot of the other girls.and he didnt. right now this is the most serious relationship ive been in and the healthiest. he really is my best friend and knows more about me than anyone and hasnt judged me. the thing is i remember how he treated me when he had a gf and i was his sideline,how he was so good at hiding it from her and when she did find out he lied and she texted me saying i was a ho and she hoped i burned in hell that he didnt want me and he was going to marry her(when he found out he made her apologize).when i asked why he strung us both along he said he knew he didnt lovee her and really only liked her 3months of thier relationship but he used to care what peopple thought and she was suicidal. her dad was also his coach that year so he was under pressure from her dad. well i know it was wrong for us to emotionally cheat but i never tried to break them up id defend him and tell her he loved her and when they broke up i was already talking to ray. but to this day she blames him dumping her on me. she will text me and say how she is so much better and how he downgraded by going from her to me. she will text me and say he still loves her and always will. and just today while me and him were out to eat she texted him and tried to pick a fight out of nowhere and last week she texted him and said i dont know we cant just be friends and before that she was offering head. its getting ridiculous i want her to move on and she says she has. i only confronted her once and it was because she offered him head.other than that i let him handle it and he either ignores it or is really mean(i dont know why but i tell him not to be so mean). i do trust my boyfriend however. the thing is since shes so popular and called me a ho for just being flirty with him i assumed they didnt do anything sexual.but a month into our relationship i found out his ex had given him head while they were dating. it really hurt , i assumed he was different and i felt used considering the whole time they dated i wanted to be with him. i asked him about it and he said it happened once and it was a huge mistake. sometimes when me and him makeout he will look at me so deeply and look so in love and whisper how much he loves me and i cant help but think what him and his ex did after he got head,how he looked at her…as weird as it seems i imagine how he mightve moaned and if it felt good and how much he mightve liked it and it almost makes me want to cry. i on the other hand set boundaries :no sex, or head,etc before marriage. he definatly respects it and never asks for more but at times i wonder if im giving him enough or if he wants more..

[April Masini]

Well, your explanation in this last post is certainly very helpful to understand better what’s going on. High school is difficult, and you are SO in the thick of it with the drama and the emotions that are all normal for your age and your school.

That said…..here are some pointers to help you keep your sanity through this relationship:

1. Your boyfriend is a popular jock who cheated on his ex girlfriend, who’s father is his athletic coach, with you, and she hasn’t gotten over that and blames you. It’s very normal for her to target you and try and get him back. Don’t blame her, and as I’ve said before, stop engaging with her. You’ll get nowhere good. I promise.

2. Your boyfriend cheated on her and now you’re afraid he’s going to cheat on you. Keep the focus of your concern on him — not her or any other girls. If you’re dating a guy who cheats, you’re not going to change him. High school boys are ruled by their hormones for the most part, and he may not be as mature as you are. That’s not going to change for a couple of years, so while you love him, and you’re connected to him, he may be someone who’s going to hurt you.

3. [i]If you think having oral sex with your boyfriend, even though you don’t want to, will keep him with you, you’re wrong.[/i] Your own boundaries about what sexual behavior is comfortable for you is WAY more important than your trying to keep him with you by offering oral sex. I promise you that he can get oral sex from not just his ex-girlfriend, but tons of other girls. He can also probably get more than that if he wants it, so don’t think that any kind of sex is going to keep him with you. And don’t do anything you don’t want to do sexually. You’ll regret it.

4. You are admittedly so emotional that you don’t take my advice, so you’re probably going to act irrationally and not in your own best interest because of these emotions. If you can get a handle on your own behavior and stop and think before you act, your own life is going to be a lot better. I know this is hard when you’re a teenager, but try it.

I hope that helps.

[ilovehim]

ok so i probably should let u know my bf will not be getting head or anything more from me. i made that very very clear before we dated and he knows it, and has never pressured or even asked me. he is very attentive and isnt like the stereotypical jock who wants to be with the guys and plays it cool with them or treats me like an accessory. he is the exact opposite, clearly affectionate and not afraid to be even if his friends say hes whipped … but my best friend *jen kindof betrayed me..she became friends with his ex, 😥 now shes around more then ever, i got upset and felt hurt about this and tried to just cut ties off with jen but she made me feel kindof guilty so i worked it out and i decided to try and be friends ….with his ex so i messaged her and was very nice…it was actually quite genuine since i was tired of feeling hatred that was making me bitter,welllllllllll……….. that may not have been the best idea, though i am happy i took the high route and tried to be civil i said i shouldnt have put all the blame on her she brought the conversation to my bf saying it was all his fault anyways and that she wouldnt trust him if she were me because hes a lying ********** etc then she began telling me things i knew like how he liked her again back in november until he found stuff out ( this was right around when me and him were beginning to talk again and i knew he cared for her because i was who he confided in and he had just found out about her actually cheating not just emotionally but actually making out with his bestie..and more ) but i began feeling insecure during this conversation she told me how he cried and said he couldnt trust her and too many people liked her so he didnt want to get hurt(i didnt know all these details) then she began telling me that when all that stuff on facebook happened he asked and she never offered…i asked why she sent the message planning it then and she said it was a joke 😯 i really dont believe her but she has put doubts in my mind…then she started saying he always asked and that !!when!! we break up he will be asking again i told her IF we break up then what he does isnt any of my business and i wouldnt care and she said trust me u will(then i asked him about this, he did not know i was talking to her, and he said no he wouldnt cuz hes done with her.) next thing i know she told me how she doesnt care about him etc but then i asked why she hated me and she said probably cuz u date *john and i hate everyone he dates, and i said well thats not a fair reason and she goes lol well i dont hate you i just dont like anyone hes with… i am nearly positive she is playing mind games i know she wants us to breakup i know she played mind games with him before we dated so that he would stop dating girls or stop liking them(sometimes i think shes evil 👿 ) …………..i dont believe her everything about her makes me see red and my blood boil 👿 but at the same time now i am doubting and feeling second best. well he doesnt treat me as if im second best or anything like that..its just how i feel if that makes sense….can you help me sort this out?

[April Masini]

You really don’t want to take my advice, do you? 😆

As long as you engage with his ex-girlfriend and you talk about him, YOU’RE the one who is asking for trouble. Change your own behavior and you’ll change your life for the better.

I hope that helps!

You can get more April on Facebook now, when you check out my new AskApril.com group page on Facebook. The link is: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url]. Hope you’ll become a FREE member! 😀

[Celeste]

imo, take April’s advice!
You are creating much more drama that is not needed! And it could end up breaking up your relationship, which is what this crazy person wants. What this all sounds like is high school drama that did not need to happen. You are right, she is playing mind games, but heres the catch…..you don’t have to play at all! Stop all contact with her, the only goal she has is to break you both up and make your life hell, which is not worth it. Stop talking to her, stop talking to your boyfriend about her, just take April advice and stay out of it. What will happen will happen. The best way to help yourself is to leave it be. You can’t control the situation because the situation has nothing to do with you, so stop interfering and your boyfriend will (or at least should) be able to handle it, because its his problem.

I know high school is drama central, but once you leave it you will realize that NONE of it was worth all the stress. NONE of it matters in the real world, because high school is only a very small step in your life. Once you take the next step you will realize that people who start drama will always lead a life of drama, and you should ask yourself, is that the kind of life you want? To always be at ends with someone? People who start drama don’t have other people around them long because they are not someone who anyone wants around them. Tend to your own business and keep this crazy girl far from you, DON’T talk to her, AT ALL. Just stop. Easy as that. If she tries to get a hold of you, ignore her, if anything it will piss her off more haha!

[April Masini]

[b]Celeste[/b] gave you GREAT advice!

Drama is so useless unless it’s on Broadway or the movie screen. It wastes energy and breeds gossip. 👿

Take the high road and keep your side of the street clean! 🙂

[Author]

Posts