My boyfriend constantly LIES and hides things!

[SOconfused8766]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now. He is military and I met him while he was home on leave through family. When I met him, I knew we would be in a Long Distance Relationship because his next orders were to be stationed in Hawaii. We were Long distance for a couple of months until I decided to move to Hawaii with him. I started finding the lies the second time he came home. Had a hunch and looked in his email to find he had posted a craiglist ad for NSA sex (before we started dating) but had replied to a girl a couple days after we started dating. I also found that he liked to talk not so good to his family about me but was insistent on hiding it from me. I made it clear to him that if he EVER lied about one thing again I was going to leave him for good no questions asked. After moving out to Hawaii there were still tiny lies to every now and then. The lies were so stupid and miniscule that I still have no idea why he lied. Such as who he went out to lunch with, or him and his mom would message back and forth about me (not so good) and he’d try to delete it before I saw it. After staying for several months in Hawaii I was missing home and wanting to see my family SOO bad so I came back home for only a month and a half and he promised up and down that I could trust him while I was gone. Well yesterday(2 weeks before my flight back out there I will add) I woke up from a nap and had a weird feeling about what he was doing and tracked his location, immediately called him and he lied about his whereabouts quickly. I told him that he didn’t need to lie because I could see where he was and I knew he was lying. He was at a BBQ with a few of his GUY friends!! He tried to deny a couple times after that but finally told me the truth. He was very angry towards me at first and told me I was psychotic for looking at his location. Later he was very apologetic and submissive.I must admit the steps I take are extreme, but I did catch him in a lie.
I very much believe that he has never cheated on me. But the constant lies have become too much to handle. I am also constantly worrying that there is WAY more he’s lying about and I just don’t know.
Can/or will these lies ever stop or is it something I just need to move on?

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Contributors Relationship Advice.

This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions.

If you want to get a response from April please repost your question in the Q & A Advice Forum with April Masini.

[exback4ever]

In my opinion, you should not have to deal with this kind of thing from anyone. I would tell him that you cannot live with all the lies and break up with him. It is obviously never going to change and you will be fighting for as long as you are with him and always be wondering if he is lying or not. Save yourself the heartache and move on…

I know that it can be difficult to do, but from what I see, it is not going to get better.

Hope this helps,

~Jeremy

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Author]

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