[relationshipa1]

im 17 and my bf is 20, we have been dating and off for about 5 months now. our recent breakup lasted a month and he ended up dating someone, he had told her about me and she seen that he still cared for me and loved me so she told him to contact me and try and fix things and if things didnt work out she said then they can continue to go out. needless to say we fixed things and we are EXTREMELY happy 🙂. he recently got news (a week or 2 ago) that she is pregnant, when they had sex it was her first time (shes 18) and they used protection (as he says). she contemplated on having an abortion but she changed her mind and decided to have the baby, from what his mom has told him she feels as if it will make him come back to her. he doesnt love her nor does he like her. hes angry that she doesnt realize shes too young and he is too, he doesnt want a kid now but he is going to be there for the baby. im quite sad but kinda confident that we can work out but is it bad at my age? im very mature for my age, and i have graduated high school already (GED) and i will start college soon i have a plan for my life but should i stick by his side i love him and i would do anything for him im just asking for a third person p.o.v.

[April Masini]

Because you are mature, have your GED and are planning to start college, you need to focus on your own life and what is right for you and your own future. Sometimes maturity means taking an objective look at what your options are, and your boyfriend who’s been off and on for only five months, now has a serious life long obligation to a child and an 18 year minimum obligation to his ex-girlfriend, with whom he will hopefully be co-parenting their child.

His life is not compatible with yours right now. He’s weighed down with responsibility and you don’t have that kind of baggage. You’re young, getting your education, and getting ready to strike out on your own in the world. Relationships work best when both people have the same kind of baggage — or what I like to call matching luggage. He has a lot of baggage right now in a baby and a mother of the baby. He’s going to have to support the child, spend serious time with the child, and for the child’s sake, make a relationship work with the child’s mother. This is not for you.

I know you think you’re mature and love him, but your decision should have nothing to do with feelings. You may both be lovely people who have love and affection for one another, but you have only been together off and on for five months. That’s not a strong commitment in the scheme of things, and it’s time for you to let him go so he can focus on his life, and you can focus on yours. You’ll love lots of people in your life, but that doesn’t mean that they are right for you to be in a relationship with. It’s important to separate feelings and behaviors. You can feel affection for him, but know that he is not right for you at this time in your life. Break ups don’t have to involve hate. They can be sad and final. And that’s what yours should be with him.

Move on, and find someone who is available to be with you in every way. If you have trouble, get my book, Think & Date Like A Man, by clicking on the Dating Advice Books link at the top of the page, scrolling down, and paying the $14.95 for the book that you can read before school starts! The book may give you reassurance and a plan during your break up and healing from what sounds like a tumultuous time for you.

Try not to rationalize what may or may not have been said or done between your soon to be ex-boyfriend and his baby’s mother. You weren’t there. You didn’t hear or see what happened between them. Don’t make this a drama triangle. Focus on you, and what happened between you and your soon to be ex-boyfriend. That’s it. He’s probably going to try and blame the woman he got pregnant for his predicament. Don’t you get involved in the blame game. It’s not going to help him accept his responsibility as a man. Back off, move on, and know that you will find love with a man who is right for you. I promise.

[Author]

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