My fiance wants to go out with an old friend.

[grayman75]

Ok, I need some help. My Girlfriend wants to go out with a friend that she used to date and just randomly met at a restaurant. They dated 10 years ago and were quite involved. She comes out of the blue and asks me if I have a problem with it. I feel out of respect of me she shouldn’t go out with an old flame even if he is a friend now. I know I wouldn’t do that to her. Are my feeling justified or should I just let her go?
Help

[joe2424]

Well, how long have you been dating her, and how strong is your relationship? Has she had infidelity problems in the past? I hear you on this one bud, why would she want to go in the first place? I would not like it either, but do you trust her? This IS how a lot of relationships get messed up, but at least she told you right? On the other hand, how is this guy a friend? A friend to me is someone I talk too, or hang out with all the time. So they run into each other at a restaraunt and now their BFF’s? What I would have liked her to tell him, is that she is with someone else now, and it wouldn’t be right. But, for the relationships sake, I would leave it up to her, and tell her your not comfortable with it, but she’s free to go as she pleases. No one wants to be told they are NOT going to do something, and it may want her to go even more. I would just sit back on this one, and let her make her own decision. If your feelings are important to her, then she’ll probably take a raincheck with this guy, and you’ll come out smelling like a rose.

[katdawg]

i think you’ll just have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. it was for me with my ex-boyfriend. he tends to have more female friends than male friends and thought it was appropriate to go out of town with this one in particular and go to the movies and dinner with her on a friday night. i expressed i was not comfortable with that and the response i got was that we weren’t even “together” yet so i had no right to be upset. well, lesson learned on my part – just because you have sex doesn’t mean there’s a full commitment to one another. we split up; it was a deal breaker for me. if you are a like me and just wants to have your feelings considered (and especially if she is your fiance….meaning you plan to spend the rest of your life with person….)you’ll have to consider is this the type of person you want to marry? someone who isn’t going to consider your feelings and put someone else before you? let no man turn us under. well…..i think she is letting someone do that. good luck to you! oh, two months later that ex contacted me again and well…..it’s a different story for me now. sigh…i just can’t seem to get a commitment. here’s a saying: you “get” what you “tolerate”.

[bp2206]

Personally I’d have a problem with this! I wouldn’t come out and say no way but like what was already said, if her feelings for you are true she will know this is not right to do. My opinion is even if you can trust her you can’t trust him. What are his intentions? Where is his GF or wife or ?????

[JesseKim]

You should trust her, and if you don’t then well there ya go. Give her a chance and I’m pretty sure if this firend made a move on her she’d say, “I’m engaged now, knock it off!”

[grayman75]

Well I let her go on the “DATE” with her friend. She wouldn’t bring it up but when I asked if she had a good time she said yes but she wouldn’t elaborate. Oh yeah she says since it’s her “friend” and she’s not attracted to him it’s not really a date. Should I ask what they talked about? Or what happened? Or is she hiding something not really keeping me informed?

[katdawg]

not even married and there are already problems. everyone is different..but i personally prefer honest and open communication – especially if you’re planning on spending a lifetime together (marriage), raising children (which requires a lot of communication and being on the same page about tons of subjects). personal preference and what you’re willing to tolerate. i understand how you’re feeling and wish you the best.

[tricia]

Trust your girlfriend. She won’t tell it to you if she has an intention to cheat you nor date that guy. You should be proud of her for being open on you. As a boyfriend, you have the right to stop her from meeting that old friend that she used to date

[April Masini]

It’s a sign of how strong your relationship is that she came to you and asked you how you’d feel if she went out with an old boyfriend. She didn’t cheat on you. She didn’t make a demand of you. She asked you your feelings.

Your feelings are always justified. It’s fine to feel uncomfortable and a little threatened. And it’s fine for you to tell her. It’s also fine for her to want to see an old boyfriend, and for her not see him because she doesn’t want to upset you.

I think what’s confusing you here is that you want everyone to be happy, and in relationships, compromises and deals struck are often what makes them work in the long run. One way or another, one or both of you are going to feel uncomfortable and possibly anxious. But feelings are just that — feelings. You can’t live your life by them. You can acknowledge them, but your behavior is more important than your feelings.

So, given what you feel, you can tell her you’d rather she not see him, or you can tell her you’re not comfortable with it, but if it’s just this once, you’ll deal with it. You can also ask her if she thinks this is going to be a long term thing, and if this boyfriend is going to become part of her/your social circle or if it’s just this once. Or, you can tell her that you’d like to go with her to have dinner with him. Then again, she may hear your concern and decide it’s not worth upsetting you to get together with him.

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