my relationship is over by making the worst mistakes ever!!!

[belle82beauty]

hi i last year in july i met this guy. we hit it off and started dating. i came in to financia difficulties and made a horrible decision in doing porn for money while in the relationship. i made 3 videos in the span of a 2 weeks. Meanwhile i had lied to my boyfriend and told him i was modeling. he found out about it and when he did in fear of losing him i lied. he dag in more and more to find out more information and i continued to lie so i would not lose him. this went on for about 3 months. i already had self esteem issues and past relationship issues and well i was so scared of him doing something back to me to hurt him i continued to hurt him emotionally physically and mentally. i guess i figured if i broke him down enough and made him feel worthless that he would not go anywhere. i recently made an other bad decision. i went out with friends to a bridal party and well this guy i worked with invited him and some other people from work out to join me just to hang out. he and one girl i worked with came out and we went to a bar. which hanging out with people of the opposite gender with out our significant other is out of the question but i did it anyway. anyhow i got drunk and this guy raped me. when i got a hold of my boyfriend i was in hysterics and told him what happened but lied about who and where and what time. the next day he asked me what happened again and then i told him the truth. he and i continued our relationship but i still continued to act irrational with him. i decided to move to florida to be with my mom and get therapy and psychological help. in the time being here i continued to push him away not intentionally but by calling alot and insinuating things and i guess being controlling, because i feared i was losing him or that i had lost him and in fact all i was doing was pushing him. well now that you know the background. here are my questions. he wants to end it with me says he is not sure if he wants to be with someone for the rest of his life knowing i did what i did. also he says he does not believe me and still feels i am with holding information from him. he is afraid of things continuing in the path it was leading and he is afraid to believe me again. What should i do just let him go and move on? Should i try to fight for the relationship but in giving it the proper time it needs to heal? Do you think he will be able to get past it and come back to me? By the way when i did the porn i have 2 young kids so when i did it i was thinking of my finances and not to screw it up so my kids would be with out but i was living with him and his mom. after i was forced to move out of my apt since i could not pay for it. he had no job or money. i went to everyone i knew and begged for help i also went on all kinds of job sites to apply for a job and tried filling out applications, so it was an act of desparation. i now see when i get desparate i do crazy things. i am desparate now but i think writing this column is at least normal. Any how do you think that he will leave permeanately? Do you think he will give me another chance? Do you think it can work? Should i continue to fight for him or just leave him alone? Should i contact him? should i just stay alone or should i just move on after some time and try to find someone new? i am confused sad lonely and lost. i love this man with all my heart i feel he is the one, and i don’t want to live with knowing i messed that up and i don’t want to go on knowing i lost him.

[belle82beauty]

i will say this i sound like the devil for what i did to him, but i really do love him. i know it sounds ridiculous, cuz after i read it to myself all i did and it is not in detail about the deceit, which i did a lot of. i do love him. i now am being hit with a huge reality check. i cannot change the past, however i can change the future which is what i intend on doing. whether it be with him, alone, or with someone else. i can only forgive myself for all i have done. i would hope that he forgive me too. i wish he would take me back… whoever reads this all male or female be completely honest about what you think about me, what he should do, what i should do, and what you make of the situation. tell me what you would have done or done differently. thankx

[serendipidous55]

It is extremely difficult to right a sinking ship but that is exactly the business that God is in! I suggest you recognize that you need to get involved in a spiritual program which offers practical ideas for healthy daily living and relationships. A program which is free is Al Anon which is offered at Alcoholic Anonymous centers. You could get a sponsor who would help you work the 12 step program and you might find a moral compass for living and practical tools for healthy relationships. Somewhere along the way, you got lost or you were not raised with these core values. But there need not be any judgment against you. Everyone makes mistakes. We need to stop making the same mistakes over and over. I strongly suggest getting some core spiritual and moral support. You are young and your ship can be righted and you can face smooth sailing in years to some!

[ThinkingRight]

I am sorry for your troubles, however, you have a responsibility to treat people with honesty and dignity. Not to mention yourself. You are on a descending spiral that requires real discipline and effort to get yourself straightened out. This has very little to do with your boyfriend. This is about your behavior, not his, so he can’t fix it. Living with your Mom and getting therapy is a good start to recovery. Leave the man alone, let him move on and once you get yourself straightened out then call him.

[belle82beauty]

I have made the changes that i needed to make. he and i are still in semi talking terms. he said he just needs his space to figure things out. it is so hard to listen to the advice given as far as leaving the man alone. have you been in love and made a mistake or even no mistake at all, just being in love is enough and they left you suddenly. well when you are there your mind works so mysteriously and first it is denial. then realization. then it is decision making. do i love him or dont i? is it enough? do i fight for him to prove to him to show him? do i fight to try to keep him around? do i let him go and move on? do i let him go cuz i think that is what is best? do i just stand back and wait? questions like that form and it makes it so hard and confusing. for those out there that is what love is. i hate peoples advice is always to run or to move on. that is bull. i mean unless your life is in danger or you yourself are not trully happy or in love with that person. there is no reason that couples can not stick out any ordeal and make a relationship work. it is advice telling people to just move that bothers me that is why no one gets married anymore and if they do divorce rates are so high. what happened to death do us part or finding your one true love. no one believes in love anymore. well, on that i do agree with what i need to do to fix me, which i have. but until it happens to you and you are forced to make decisions kind of spur of the moment some times people fail in those decisions and make mistakes. it is whether or not we learn from them. i am aware of the 12 step program. i come from a family of alcoholics. u can tell me god this and god that but i used to believe in god until shit fell apart, then my belief is gone. where was he when i needed him most? i always have been a good girl never done any wrong to no body always went out of my way for everyone. have always been a trustworthy person. i even before i was with him only been with one guy which i was with for 9 years and had 2 kids by. so dont take me as some chick who just was being selfish and mean. i got lost is all.

[jlemons]

yeah, right. you’ve got it all figured out, don’t you?!

i agree with the advise and comments left for you. you don’t agree because you are selfish, self absorbed and self centered — looking out for number one, YOU. you don’t want to hear advice, because you want to keep making excuses for yourself instead of doing what’s in the best interest of someone other than you.

by your own admission you’re nothing but a liar. you tell so many lies about men, about sex, about making porn tapes, about being raped, about absolutely everything that you don’t even know how to tell the truth any more. you even lie about lying.

leave the man alone and let him move on, not for you sake — for his! and get yourself into counseling and stay there, not just for your own sake but so that those poor kids can survive with you as their role model. good grief.

[skyler]

“what happened to death do us part or finding your one true love”, you ask? you MUST be joking?!

whatever happened to loyalty, honesty and living by the golden rule? it’s truly frightening to think that this is the way you treat your “one true love” the man that you made a commitment “to honor and cherish, to death do you part”.

you seriously need to get yourself some help.

[belle82beauty]

based on the last 2 responses i recieved i accept your honest and respect your opinions. to the first person i sent you an email stating how i felt about some of your comments. and let it be known to anyone else who feels the need to judge me on here i will not sit by and take it. this place is only for advice, i did not come on here to hear someone call me names or tell me i am something when you really do not know me. as for the second person, no i am not joking about love and making a relationship last. i know of so many elderly people now who are still married after 50 years and i have heard so many stories of infidelity, where the man or woman actually went out and had an affair they actually went out to meet someone get to know them sleep with them and continue to see them. and they made it work. i did not do anything intentional or with any bad intentions to my boyfriend, but i did hurt him and lie to him in the long run. my reasons were probably a little selfish, but what the hell i was ashamed, embarrassed, scared, insecure, shall i go on with the way i made myself feel by doing what i did, and yes i know i did it to myself. but at the time i did not see any other option. i would like to know if you were a single mom of 2 kids who tried to get a job and couldn’t and there dad decided to wipe you clean of all the money you had and refused to pay child support on top of that and could not get on welfare, what the hell would you have done to make sure you had money to feed those kids and make sure that if all went wrong you had money to put them into a hotel at least huh? what would you have done differently?

[belle82beauty]

ha ha ha I look back at this and read the commentary from all of you and ha ha you know what fuck all of you. Lol. I have grown and changed and now my life is splendid I am very much happy and successful and doing very well for myself. I must have been an idiot to come on here looking for advice, lol you all are a joke that is why you are on here as it is. The guy I made the mistakes with he and I reconciled fyi. Oh yeah and I figured out he just was not for me and I left him. I have now been in a very happy and healthy relationship one of which I can call him my best friend. Ha ha tah tah folks this is my last time to view this I hope you all get a life of your own. Rather than giving shitty advice to others. Ciao 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄

[April Masini]

I’m sorry I didn’t get to weigh in earlier. I feel your pain and your point about sticking out relationships through thick and thin is well taken. You’re right — too many people do give up too easily. Forgiveness of one’s self and of others is a rare commodity. And knowing when to forgive and when to move on is a personal decision that only you can make for yourself.

Coming from a family of alcoholics (a disease that has a genetic component) is a lot different than coming from a different kind of family, and you face challenges that others don’t. You absolutely made mistakes, and I believe you recognize them and are forgiving yourself and moving on in your own life. Your boyfriend had his own personal choices to make, and he made them.

That you’ve found happiness with a man who is right for you now is wonderful. I wish you the best with your children and your own life — and I hope you won’t give up on the advice that is offered here. Maybe you can find forgiveness for others who gave you advice that “didn’t stick” the same way you’ve found it for yourself. 😉

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