Need advice

[relationshipa1]

This is silly to be asking but I need to ask some people who might know. By the way, we both are young, only teenagers.
My bf has said he doesnt want us to kiss until we’ve been going out for a while, about a year. Which I happen to agree with..I love holding hands but he makes stupid comments like how he doesn’t like holding hands, then when I grab his hand he lets me and even holds my hand for ages after that voluntarily. Kind of mixed messages, does he like it or not…??
We hug though. But we have been sitting next to each other a couple times (he was leaning on my shoulder) and my face is really close to his and when he noticed he was like, “Ah!’ and turned for a few seconds before he turned back to sort of face me, coz we were talking. But I don’t get it, he freaks when my face is close to his and he once said if I do that he might just turn around and kiss me! Is it coz he wants to kiss me that he freaks? Does he actually like holding hands or anything?
And when we are in public he is just friendly, but when we are alone or just me and him and my younger brother, he’s all sweet and cuddly?? And when he accidentally touches my leg or something he’s like ‘ew’ but says it so it doesn’t sound too bad lol but then he keeps on doing that, I don’t get it, does he like touching me (like my hair or holding hands he does this with) or not!?
Help please. Thanks. I am going to talk to him about this too BTW.

[mary1389]

i’m curious how old you are, only because this behavior is very different in a 13 year old as a opposed to an 18 year old. he may have no experience in any physical aspects of a relationship and be very insecure in the area. he might be confused about what he’s looking for in a relationship. talk to him about it, tell him how you’re feeling and know that you’re young and have a lot of options.

[April Masini]

Mary1389 is right. Your boyfriend has very little to no experience with romantic attention and sexual expression (which doesn’t have to mean full on sex — it can mean kissing). He’s scared of his feelings. He’s scared of your feelings. He’s scared of messing up his relationship with you. He’s scared of making a wrong move. And he’s scared of making a right move and not wanting to stop.

Being a teenager and exploring sexuality and romance can be wonderful — and frightening. He’s not wrong for having these feelings, and neither are you for having yours. You’re both at different stages (as are most people regardless of their ages), and your relationship calls for communication and understanding and empathy.

My advice to you is to dial up your empathy and dial down your aggression. Let HIM be the one who grabs your hand — even if it means having to wait for him to do so. Let HIM be the one who gets close to you even if it takes a while for him to do so. If you give him control of the expressions of affection and sexuality, he may have less fear and eventually more confidence.

Hang in there!

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