Need Advice About Marriage

[pinay69]

First of all, let me briefly introduce myself. I am 22 years old (to be 23 in 8 days). I have been married for almost 4 years (in July) and have no children. With this marriage I am in, I have learned to ignore certain things that I have been unhappy about, especially when it comes to things that my husband does or doesn’t do. I guess if I were to sum up the past 4 years, I would say about 60% of the time I was unhappy about something.

I knew from the beginning that I was marrying a man that wasn’t really very expressive of emotions or feelings. I learned to get over that. I also knew that he wasn’t as romantic as I wanted him to be and not as passionate as I am as a person. I enjoy doing mushy things like any other woman that he absolutely doesn’t like. He has a hard time telling me how he is feeling or what is on his mind, especially when something is bothering him. So pretty much, it has been really hard for me to be completely happy with him.

Getting married at a young age doesn’t really help much since I didn’t get the opportunity to experience being treated by different guys, I guess. It was always him since high school and I got used to the way he treated me and lived a lie of thinking that it was the only way I could be treated. Well I was wrong, and for the past 2-3 years, I have always longed for something more than he would offer me. He seems to have become too comfortable to even show much love or affection towards me.

Let me get to the point,.. A few months ago, I met a guy at an event going on in the community. At first, I didn’t really think anything of him, we hung out at the event and just talked about random stuff in general. By the end of the night, we ended up getting each others number. He knew from the very beginning that I was married and figured what’s wrong with just making a friend? Well the whole friendship developed some serious feelings.. After talking to each other for a while, I came to realize that this guy is exactly who I’ve been looking for. He treated me completely different compared to my husband; he showed passion, concern, sympathy, and respect. He is everything that my husband is not. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I have fallen in love with him. We both tried to back off and away from each other but it didn’t work. We ended up talking some more and spending more time hanging out. Then he finally made a confession, that he had fallen in love with me, even though it was inappropriate. The emotions and feelings and everything else has become so serious, that now, I can’t imagine not being with this guy, even though I am married. 😕 …. He has opened up a whole new perspective of life for me and has shown me how a woman should be treated. He does everything for me, even cook! (breakfast, lunch, dinner) …I enjoy being around him and spending time with him and I enjoy meeting his friends.

Pretty much, he matches what I am looking for in the “almost perfect” guy..since theres no such thing as a perfect guy. My problem now is, I still, as less as it may seem, love my husband. I have given him years to change and gave him chances to make things better but he has yet to take a hint. I am torn between them two. I don’t know how to decide if I want to stay with my husband or be with the other guy. I also don’t know if I can face the whole process of getting a divorce and the pain that comes with it as far as family and friends, cuz honestly, I wouldn’t be able to face any of our family and friends if things were to end between us. I need some input. I think I want to stay with my husband because we have been together for so long, but when I think about it, I only want to be with him because of security. I know that he will always be there no matter what and I won’t have anything to lose. Yet with the other guy, I am happy and I feel comfort, but of course I wonder what will happen to me if things don’t work out between us.

I don’t know what to do, and right now, I really would like to be with the other guy. — HELP

[kai]

You say you only want to be with your husband because of security, but you have put that security in jeopardy with your affair. Sooner or later he will find out and the longer you let this affair drag on the worse the outcome is going to be. If you think everyone is going to think badly about you because of a divorce, imagine what they’ll think when they find out about your affair. And they will.

I think you need to do some soul searching and decide what is most important to you for your life and your future. If you don’t think your marriage is going to work you need to face that issue and get divorced sooner rather than later. Whatever you do, do not have children. That would be a disaster.

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

I am here to help, and happy to answer any questions you have. 😀

[Author]

Posts