[lioil]

So i have been introduced to this girl who is the daughter of my friend’s best friend. She is in Australia but chinese and i am here in the states. We kept in touch for about couple of months with phone calls and chatting and recently her parents asked her about the progress. I told her i like her so far and i was thinking of meeting with her either i fly there or she here maybe in march or april and she seems pretty thrilled about it and mentioned we can figure out next steps after we meet if we both like eachother etc.

I talked to her and she said even though we will be meeting in march/april but she thinks it might be better for us to develop into girlfriend/boyfriend relationship on the phone/chat before we meet so the starting point of us meeting would be from a higher level than just “friends”. I am a bit new to the long distance thing and not sure how to convey as boyfriend through the phone without having that physical buildup. I did call her honey which she liked so thats a start but she said our talking points should be more aligned like girlfriend/boyfriend… This is definitely progress that I welcome but I am not sure how to do it through the phone – any suggestions on topics etc? thanks!Any suggestions? Thanks.

[destinedlove]

Long distance relationship is just any other relationship. You will have to start from something. Just let the chemistry between you work. DO not over think things and enjoy every moment you have.

[April Masini]

If you do write here again, let me know how old you both are. That always helps. 😉

It sounds like she is trying to jumpstart a relationship and skip steps that are necessary to decide if you want to date someone or not. It’s nice that she wants to move things forward, but don’t create a serious relationship before you really get to know each other. 😉 One of the obstacles of long distance relationships is that it’s one thing to have a series of phone calls, texts, e-mails and even romantic gifts going back and forth across continents, but it’s a different story to date in person and spend weekends, weeks and even months or years together. For instance, the two of you may get along great on the phone, but there are things that happen in person, aside from (but including) chemistry, that can be deal breakers. If you want to get to know her better before you meet, you can talk about things that are important to you in terms of a future together, and send flowers and romantic gifts, but don’t jump the gun and commit to someone you’ve never met in person, let alone dated. 😉

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[lioil]

Thanks april. In terms of our age i am 33 and she is 28. In china chinese women tends to want to get married before 30 and they get a lot of pressure. she said even though we are moving towards above friends but she says we will figure it out when we meet.

My friend did say since we are not in a relationship i shouldnt put all my eggs in one basket so to speak and look at local women as well. Is this “cheating” or just being “smart”? Honestly between work and gym i dont really have a lot of time weekdays nor know where to meet single women. i do usually have weekends free- any suggestions for either meeting single women or i should let this play out and see how we go? Thanks.

[April Masini]

Since this woman lives in Australia and not China, the Chinese culture you mention, probably isn’t quite as important as if she lived in her home country or home town. When people move around, they usually adopt some of the culture where they live — it’s hard not to be affected by your surroundings. And as for your dating other women…. since you haven’t dated the woman you’ve met online, in person, even once, it isn’t cheating to date other women. In fact, it’s usually expected that unless you’re in a committed relationship, or leading someone on, you’re single — and behaving as if you’re single! 😉 Since you’re looking for some dating basics, like where to meet women, I think you should buy and read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for men. It’s going to help you a lot! Here’s the link where you can buy it: [url]http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/date-out-of-your-league-april-masini/1016394885?ean=9780974676302&itm=1&usri=9780974676302[/url]. I think it will help you out a lot! 😉

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[lioil]

April,
Just to clarify she is more traditional than not even though she lived in Australia for quite a few years. in terms of your book does it tell the spots for men to meet good women? I guess from yhe stuff i read usually the places are bars or clubs and i dont think those are good places or places i really go to… thanks.

[April Masini]

Yes, it does! 🙂

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[lioil]

Recently i have been introduced to 4 different girls – can you help me analyze?
1. Joyce 31- works in Canada. Been in Canada for 3-4 years. Talked on the phone and texted for < 1 month.
Initial reaction: She loves canada but could come to us. She mentions i could come to canada to see her in april. She looks nice.
2. Sophia 28 – Works in Delaware. Been in US for 5 years . Talked on the phone and texted. Did meet her for lunch and movie
Initial reaction: She is smart and we had a decent conversation. But she does not look very good – her face has a lot of acne/bumps.

3. Jen 26 – Getting masters in accounting. Been in USfor 1 year. talked on the phone and texted. Maybe she can come here and visit during spring break.
Initial reaction: feels she can be needy. I am also not sure her direction in life. She looks ok.

4. Alice 31 – Works as a gym teacher in middle school. International tae kwon do judge and 4th degree black belt. In china.
only texted thus far and was introduced last tuesday.
Initial reaction: The person introduced her have known her since college. She says she is very straight arrow. I don’t know what she would do coming to US though – tae kwon do instructor?
She is very pretty though – out of the 4 she is the only one who takes care of herself in appearance and looks very nice. I know beauty is skin deep but it does count for something too.

If you can give some advice on this that would be great.

[April Masini]

I’m not sure what country you’re in — but it seems like you should probably choose someone who is geographically desirable, so you can date in person. It’s much easier to start off a relationship that way. In addition, play the field! In other words, date all of them at first. It takes a while a to get to know someone so instead of being a serial first dater, play the field. Date more than one person at a time — especially at first so you can save time. Use the first three months of dating anyone to simply decide if you want to continue dating them, and use the second three months to decide if you want to be monogamous. So, for those first six months, it makes a lot of sense to be dating lots of people. And like I said, I’m not sure what country you’re in — but try to date people close by. It makes things a lot easier. Long distance dating is tough in a good circumstance, so if you’re starting out — date close to him for better chances of success. 😉

[mississippiman]

I came home to see my brother (45mins ago) and seeing where he was at I went to his room to see if he was asleep and walked in on him and my best friend (been knowing since I was 2 years old) girl friend having sex. My mouth dropped now I am stuck in between a rock they begged me not to tell Franklin (my best friend) what was going on the past 8 months, 8 MONTHS this been going on, my brother also said if I was a real brother then I wouldn’t tell Franklin and his girl friend begged me to the point where she had tears, telling me not to tell my best friend. Its just not right and I would feel wrong if I ratted on my brother cause we are real close brothers and I love him to death but I love Franklin just as much like a brother but I am caught in between a rock like I said and I need to know what to do. Should I tell my best friend or keep it from him and don’t rat my brother and my best friends girlfriend out. Thank you guys

P.s My best friend and his girlfriend are getting married in 3 weeks this is crazy

[April Masini]

That’s awful! 😮

And when you get over the shock…. ask yourself what is going to be worse for you: not saying anything to your best friend and having him find out down the line ( because he will find out eventually) that you knew and said nothing, or having him find out now, weeks before his wedding. Either way you’re going to feel uncomfortable — so there’s no way around that. But it’s also not your fault. You stumbled into this, and now you have choices to make.

My advice is to talk to your brother and your best friend’s fiancee separately (and soon). Tell them that they owe it to your best friend — and themselves — to come clean and be honest. Explain that living this lie is going to eat away at them, and eventually, one of them will crack and tell your best friend — and the other will seem like the bad guy in a bad situation. Encourage them to come clean to your best friend because that’s really who should be talking to him. Tell them you can’t promise them that you won’t tell your best friend — at least be honest to them about that. Explain that this isn’t how you want to conduct your life, and since you’ve stumbled into this mess, you now have a secret you are not comfortable keeping and don’t intend to keep.

Hopefully, they’ll hear your voice of strength and reason. It’s unfair for them to involve you in a lie. So let them know you won’t be keeping their secret and therefore, you’ll give them a week to come clean, but then you just aren’t sure if, when or how you’re going to talk to your best friend, but that that will be between you and him.

[Author]

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