[chkmgnt01]

Here’s some info. I love my gf very much, we have been together for almost two years now. We’re both young but sometimes I feel an attraction to her that’s so powerful that when everyone around me is telling me to break up with her, I can’t do it. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone who has met my gf has said that, even thought she didn’t behave in a negitive way. Even my family says that I need to break up with her! I feel that I’ve grown up and she’s dragging me down. We both want something different out of our relationship. She wants me to want to be clingy and need her. And, haha, I want the exact opposite. I want to be independent, but still be with her. I also want her to grow up. I realize that this might be selfish and greedy of me, but it just feels like it’s something that we both need to deepen our relationship. And when I tried to sit her down and rationalize this, it’s just thrown back into my face. I try everything I can think of doing to try to change this relationship. I take her out to nice, fun places and it feels like it goes under appreciated. There are even days that I feel like she just wants to break up with me but she doesn’t want to feel like she’s the “Bad Person” so she won’t have to blame herself. I also feel that after that, she tries to start arguements with me so that I’ll break it up, for the same latter reason. I don’t know what to do and I’m open to all or any advice.

[April Masini]

While you did not mention your ages, I must assume that you are quite young and that this is one of your first major relationships?

Assuming this assumption is correct, I wonder if “everyone” you refer to is seeing something more, or different, in your girlfriend and your relationship with her (that is prompting their desire for you two to break up) than you are?

Having said that, there are two things that you mentioned that caught my attention: (1) “We both want something different out of our relationship.” And 2, “She’s dragging me down.”

Equally, I do not think that it is selfish or greedy of you to, “want to be independent, but still be with her”, or for you to “want her to grow up”.

In my opinion, when you combine these things with the behavior she displays, I am inclined to agree with “everyone” else … perhaps you two need to take a break and to date some other people. Based upon what you described, the two of you appear to be moving in opposite directions. What I mean by that is, generally speaking, people in happy and healthy relationships are motivated in the same direction with shared goals and values. It seems to me (based upon what you described) that neither of you is particularly happy in your relationship, but neither of you wants to be the one to breakup. Honestly, that is not a good reason to remain in a relationship. I think there’s a very good chance that there is someone out there who will encourage you to continue to grow and become the best independent person you can be — while making you feel like a million bucks, instead of bringing you down.

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