[JJVC]

Hello everyone,

This is my story. Male, married, 2 kids, 39yrs old. I’ve been in a relationship with another woman (single 22yr old) for the past 3 years. No one knows about this. It has been for me very “comfortable” because to get together it only takes a phonecall (I rented a small cheap apartment 3 yrs ago) We have had talks about ending the relationship several times but never actually done anything about it. She is in a new relationship now (maybe 4 to 6 months) with someone her age, but our thing hasn’t changed up until now.
2 weeks ago she went on a trip with her friends and her boyfriend and when she came back she was kind of distant. I asked her how her relationship with him was doing and in a certain way she told me it had improved a little bit. From that moment on I have felt like a kid that had his candy taken away. I really like this girl and we love eachother. I am willing to end this relationship but I need your help on how to do it. Don’t tell me “just end it” because that won’t work. I know I will be getting some hard to swallow comments but go ahead and shoot away! If you need more information go ahead and ask

[optimistvik]

First of all i would like to say that don’t cheat your loving wife & your children & remember god is there & he is watching everything . Secondly your girlfriend is never serious for you she was just passing her time & now she has got her love so now you should go back to your wife & children & love them as you can.

[April Masini]

You need to end this relationship firmly and cleanly. You have a lot at stake to lose, and without passing judgment on what you have done to your marriage, if your wife ever finds out you cheated, at any point in your marriage, she may not be forgiving.

Tell your girlfriend that she deserves a man who is available in every way to her, and that it’s best for both of you to not see each other again. Tell her that you realize that as long as the two of you are connected in any way, you aren’t being true to yourselves or to anyone else in your lives, and you’re ready to let go of what you had with her with as much grace as you can muster. Do this face to face and don’t leave any crack of the door open to a future meeting. Don’t call or take her texts or e-mails afterwards.

This is a delicate situation, but you have to understand that there is not much in the relationship with you for her, and the best thing you can do is to save your family any pain.

[optimistvik]

I agree with you April Masini . But i am slightly worried also why people cheat each other when they have got very nice partner & nice children also.what is the need for such cheating.

[April Masini]

People cheat for different reasons.

Sometimes they cheat because as children, they saw their parents cheat, and subconsciously, they repeat that pattern because it is normal to them. Sometimes they cheat because they want attention from their spouse. Sometimes they cheat because their attraction to someone else is very strong, but has nothing to do with the love they feel for their spouse. Sometimes people lose control of themselves when they get drunk and let their inhibitions take a back seat to desire. And sometimes people cheat because they don’t know how else to get out of a bad relationship, so they cheat to get caught and end a marriage. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg!

If you think you’re going to cheat or your partner is going to cheat, the best thing you can do is talk to someone — like me — or a friend or parent to try and figure out what the problem is that is causing the desire to cheat. There’s usually something deeper going on and cheating is just the behavior that presents itself. The problem is more often hidden.

[optimistvik]

Yeah you are right . somebody has said this
“It’s okay to send flowers, but don’t let the flowers do all the talking. Flowers have a limited vocabulary. About the best flowers can say is that you remembered.”
even i think it is true.

[wacki 0335]

Hey JJVC,
I will try not to be judgmental of you, but most people will be. I am sure it was comforting to have your cake and eat it too, but the truth is more comforting than betrayal. What is done is done and it is time to let her go have a real relationship and for you to be the best to your family that you can be and that means being honest to your wife and children. Being there 100% for them and not divided between your two lives.

April is right (of course) a clean break is needed. Have a face to face talk and then no more contact. That just leaves the door open and makes things so much harder to end. Closing the door and locking it is the best way to do it, hard but the best.

You may also want to try to figure out what is lacking in your marriage or yourself that made you cheat in the first place. Try to fill that void and make your marriage better. The girl is younger than you. Are you having a mid-life crisis? You will both be better off if she is with someone her age that she can have a true relationship with and you will be a better husband/father. Time to do the right thing and be proud of yourself!!!

[optimistvik]

so jjvc tell us what have you decided?

[Jantina]

I’m not too good on this cause my marriage broke up because of this cheating thing. I’m not a jealous type. BUT don’t ever think that know one knows. I knew my husband was cheating I was the one that brought up the subject. He asked me to be understanding so I was for 7 odd years and myself and my boys were the ones that got negatively impacted.

Don’t do this to the ones you love. Just because you think they don’t know. take a good hard think at what you really want. Cause this is not right in any language.
Cheers, Jantina

[optimistvik]

sorry to hear this from you.

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

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