In your pre-postining questionnaire you wrote that you are both 54 years old and you each have 3 children, and you’ve been together for 12 years. You wrote that he hit you a lot and you called the police, but he hasn’t hit you since 2008, but now there’s been a lot of verbal abuse. It also sounds like you’re afraid he will go back to his physical violence, and you’re living in fear, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I understand that you don’t want to leave him because “he’s a good provider”, but there are things that are more important than someone providing money for you. You have 3 children and he has 3 children, and they’re all watching you as you model adult relationships for them. When you put up with abuse and make it okay to be a long-term victim, you’re showing them that this is a relationship that is the norm, and it will be for them. They will model this in their own lives — and that’s why you have to end things, if not for your sake, then for theirs. All six of them need you to stand up for what is right.
So, here’s a plan, and you can use it or riff on it. First, break up with him and ask him to move out, since it’s your house. Second, have friends and family come over to make sure the break up and move out goes smoothly and he doesn’t act out. Third, call the police if he does act out — or even just to ask for their help because you’re concerned about what may happen, ahead of time. Fourth, get a job that will help you to be independent so you won’t feel you need to rely on a provider who is abusive. I know this is a lot, but your children are worth it, so roll up your sleeves and get to work. There’s a healthy life out there for you — go get it! 🙂
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