New To Dating

[tracerrrsss]

I’m 19 and recently entered the world of flings and casual dating. I’ve been in two long term relationships but consider myself new to the dating scene because, well, my past has been full of extreme naivete and they were the only people I ever allowed myself to meet whereas now I’m seeing multiple persons a week. I’ve been seeing one particular person 10 years older than me for a couple of months now and am starting to have difficulty discerning what exactly is going on. When we first went on a date his language with me was very “future” minded…and it still is sometimes. But we only see each other once a week or every other week and only “talk” a couple times a week. He is always the initiator of texting and or meeting up. He is constantly telling me details about his life and future plans and schedules and what locations he will be at on certain dates. (He is a graduate med student on rotations…) He tells me about his friends but gives no names. He is extremely affectionate, giving me surprise kisses, etc. I’ve slept over his apartment several times…have my own toothbrush and towel there. We have done anything but have sex but I’m not sure why because verbal questioning nor physical initiation of penetration has not occured. I have been going into dating new people with a “this is just cool to get to know new people and who knows where it’ll go but it’ll be a good experience to know what makes up the kind of person you do want to end up with” so for him it began that way too but I have been starting to realize I’m attracted to him in every way. Now I’m wondering if I should cut it off silently to shield myself from pain of unreciprocated feelings or should I bring up my “What is going on here?” question to him. I don’t really know much about dating and especially don’t know if older people have a different agenda/approach to dating. I don’t know if I actually asked a person in his age range, it would be obvious to them what is going on here. I don’t know if I’m just the comfort and relief in contrast to his stressful and busy life. If I still had an easy going attitude to casually seeing him this wouldn’t matter so much but since I’m starting to develop feelings, care and desire to spend more time with him…I think it’s time for me to question to move on or confront him. What is it that adults do? Can adults tell what’s going on here? So…what I’m asking here is….what is the world of adult dating generally like? What’s going on here? Is it obvious? and How should I approach the ‘What is going on here’ question : confront him or just move on..? By the way, I’m not necessarily desiring an exclusive relationship or am on any one minded track at all, it’s just that I feel lacking of clarity which frustrates me. Thank you so much for anything you could contribute to my situation/advice for further venture in dating!!

[April Masini]

Your questions are good ones, but the bottom line is that you don’t seem to know what it is YOU want from a man, and as long as you are putting out the message that you’re just interested in getting to know people — that’s what you’re going to get back. And the confusion you’re feeling from this med student you’re dating is basically a mirror for you because you aren’t being clear about what YOU want.

If you’re just interested in playing the field, then you’re doing that. The problem is that you’re starting to develop emotional attachments for this guy who’s 29 and in med school, and you want to ask him where the relationship is going — without knowing yourself (or admitting to me) what it is YOU want from it.

So decide what you want first and foremost, let me know, and then we can take it from there.

I hope that helps, and I look forward to hearing from you again. 😀

In the meantime, please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url].

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