[eric]

I blew it. She thinks I’m weak. She has me under her thumb. I did everything wrong and I’m stuck in a hole. I give her anything she wants, anytime she wants it, she gives me nothing. OK I’m the nice guy who finished last. Now is there a way to fix this? Or do I just lose?

[Anonymous]

There is always advice about what not to do, but what about advice on how to repair somthing if you’ve already done it?

[April Masini]

You don’t have to lose. But you do have to do some adjusting. Number one you have to adjust your vision. If you’ve behaved in a way that’s brought you to this point in your relationship, you have to take responsibility for yourself. You may not have been as nice as you think you were or are. There are certain ways you can get a girl, and I can try and guide you, but you’d do better to click on the Dating Advice Books link, above, scroll down to Date Out of Your League, and buy that book. I wrote it for guys who aren’t getting what they want in relationships. I am very confident it will help you.

The next thing you can do is to adjust your behavior, and this is where my book can function as a guide for you. If you read a chapter a day, you’ll see what to do, when and how. If something isn’t working, and you’re not getting the outcome you want, you can change your behavior for a different outcome. Maybe you were too nice or not. Maybe you were too available and appeared desperate — I don’t know. Maybe you were moving too fast, and you scared her off. Again, I’m not sure because I don’t have a lot of details from your post.

If she thinks you’re weak, either you are, or she’s mistaken. Regardless, you can change your behavior to not act weak, or you can clarify things for her. Your choice. Figure out why she thinks you’re weak. What is it you’ve done has contributed to that picture for her — and change it.

You can’t rewrite history, but you can make changes from this day forward.

[April Masini]

There is another reason why nice guys finish last: Women perceive nice guys as boring. I know you think you’re being really great to her when you’re nice, but here’s the reality:

“Nice” equates with boring and predictable. Look up “nice” in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average — not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.I’ll bet you’ve never heard a woman say she didn’t want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting — have you? But, I’ll bet you have heard women say things like, “He’s such a nice guy. He’s so sweet and he’s always there for me, but I only like him as a friend.” Or, “He’s such a good guy — kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal — but there’s no chemistry. He just doesn’t turn me on.” Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won’t work.

So try not being Mr. Nice Guy any more. I’m not suggesting you mistreat women, but what I am suggesting is don’t rush to take care of them before you take care of yourself. Your urgency to be nice can be perceived as desperate. If you truly believe that you’re going to be fine in the world whether or not you get a woman, your attitude will take you a long a way — in fact, from loser to winner. So don’t gush with compliments, rush to take care of her before yourself, and think your world will end if you don’t get her. Once you believe it, so will she, and she’ll find you much more attractive.

[Author]

Posts