Not knowing why I feel the way I’m feeling…

[Evie]

I don’t know why I’ve been feeling this way with two of the guys in my circle of friends…

Friend 1:

With one of them, we’ve been friends for three years. He’s 6 years younger than me. We met at work and had been through a time where he showed interest in me and I liked him at the time, but then nothing ever happened because he didn’t do anything. Never made a move or anything when there was plenty of opportunities. I just moved on with life and decided that if he comes around, I’ll deal with him then. We’re still friends even though at the moment we’re living on two different sides of the world. We chat on Facebook and as of recent, sometimes when we chat, he would tell me that he misses me and wish I were there with him. Sometimes he tells me things we could be doing if we were hanging out, most of which ends up as us sleeping together. It’s normal for a guy to fantasize so I think too much. Just let it go in one ear, and out the other.

He told me just last week that he got a job on the east coast of the United States and will be moving there. At first, I felt sad because it was like I wish he didn’t have him to go. But then thinking that right now we’re nothing but friends anyway so why should I care where he goes? I think that I felt sad was because of how my boyfriend (which I think our relationship is over…again :'( ) left for his job in another state and that was the start of the strain and downfall of our relationship, though I’m not sure if that’s the reason or have anything to do with why I felt sad about my friend moving even though my friend and I are not in a relationship. I wouldn’t mind dating him if things were different but my feelings right now are of that we’re just friends.

Friend 2:

With friend #2, we met on a plane during an intercontinental flight 4 years ago and kept in touch over Facebook. I never thought of him as anything more than a friend. Not romantically interested and he’s 6 years older than me and I’ve always seen him as like an older brother figure kind of guy, someone to joke with and chat with. About a year ago, he moved from the US to the same side of the world as me for a job, but in a different country, pretty far from the country where I live. Anyways, chatting with him this past two/three weeks, I got to know a side of him I didn’t before. He’s the kind of guy that, the way I see it, likes to sow wild oats. Or in his words, pass his genes to the next generation. He told me he’d sleep with me if things were different, and had fantasized about it, which I just brushed it off when he told me.

Two weeks ago, he needed someone to talk to about something that bothered him and he decided to tell me. So being a friend, I listened. He was interested in a girl at work, the girl flirts with him or something one time at a club, but when he asks her over text message to go out for coffee, the girl ignores him. So he asked me what I think and what he could do. I told him what I thought. Then he tells me that he’s dating another girl. Which I got annoyed with him for doing such a thing – dating a girl, yet interested in another romantically. That and I found out how he has a list of girls he wouldn’t mind having children with and I’m one of the girls on that list. I decided it was not worth to waste my time or energy over this.

Just a few days ago, he told me that the girl he has been dating, he got her pregnant. He had mentioned before that he thinks he might have gotten her pregnant but wasn’t sure until a few days ago. He said how he’d take responsibility and marry her because of the child and all that. It was good he said that as now it really happened. The girl’s pregnant, he’s going to be father to the unborn child and step-father to the girl’s daughter from a previous marriage. He was happy and excited because of the child and said that he no longer has to deal with complications of relationships (from what I gather, it sounded like he meant his “problem” with asking the other girl to coffee). Just having to deal with the tough part of breaking the news to his parents (that his parents are going to be grandparents, and that his girlfriend isn’t of their race (his mother wants him to marry someone of his own race). All he cared and excited about was being a father, and not other things that is involved and he has to deal with. When he told me this news of him being a father, my first reaction was “I can’t believe it” and then I felt a little pissed and wanted to slap or punch him. I don’t know why I felt that way since I wasn’t even interested in him but somehow it angered me somehow. Part of me was like not want to be friends with him anymore but I don’t want to make mistakes and lose a friend over something that’s probably not worth not being friends for. I really don’t know why I felt that way. Should I just avoid talking to him on Facebook unless he talks to me?

Is it even normal to be feeling the way I did? Or is there something with me that I can’t even explain or know about? With the two guys, I feel also like to them I’m nothing more than a sex object or just someone who’s, to them, pretty and that they want to sleep with.

[April Masini]

You’re wasting your time and energy on two men who have never even asked you out on a single date in your life. 😯 Stop contacting them and returning their contacts. Get serious about dating and start spending time with men who live in your immediate area so that they can actually invite you out on dates that you can go on! Read Think & Date Like A Man [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] (you can also buy it on the websites for Amazon and Barnes & Noble). This book will explain why being friends with a guy doesn’t work — I’m sure you’ll relate to this section first hand!

Treat yourself like a valuable commodity who doesn’t have time for men who aren’t potentially Mr. Right. Your life will get a lot better if you date smart.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes — and read the book! 😀

[Author]

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