[relationshipa1]

About a week ago my boyfriend decided to break up with me. We have been living together for 2 years now and have been very close friends for something around 5 years. Both of us handled it very badly when it had happened, his plan was to sound as sure and stern as possible about it and i had a very bad breakdown because he gave me no signs and was acting weird when i wanted to talk about it (due to his ‘pretending to be mean and stern’ act). This is somewhat put in the past already because we were both not acting ourselves and were just panicking, but nevertheless makes it seem very awkward now.

Unfortunately, we are still living together because neither of us can go anywhere else at the moment. He is planing to return home to California in about a month and i will be going home to New Jersey for the summer to be with family and friends, then returning here (Pennsylvania) for college.

After a lot of talking we decided that both of us would like to stay friends, though i would like to get back together with him in the future. He said he is not sure if he wants to, though he has admitted he still has feelings for me since our breakup was not entirely about our relationship. Both of us being away from our previous homes have not had friends or family in our lives very much and i think we just spent too much time around each other. Obviously it is more complex, but that would be a lot to say!

Currently we are living together still (no other option) and honestly having a lot of fun. I guess because time is running short on us being able to see each other it feels very dramatic, though a little awkward, and we have been doing a lot of stuff together with mutual enjoyment (sexual and also not). I do not intend to hurt myself by not getting over it properly at the moment, but i still feel a strong connection with him and don’t know what to do. I know if i were to ask him if he loved me at all still or if he just wants to take a break he would say “no” or “maybe” depending on his existing mood.

I plan to give him space for a while when he returns home at the least, but for right now i don’t know what to do. I know many people would say to leave him alone as much as possible, but i am afraid this could be my last chance to enjoy spending time with him because even if we decide to get back together he will not move back to Pennsylvania (we both hate it here) and i cannot leave my college until i graduate. I just don’t know what i should do while he is still around.

[April Masini]

I’m sorry you’re relationship is breaking up and you’re sad, but because of the living circumstances, my advice is to not be hard on yourself during this last month you’re living together until he returns to his home state. Enjoy each other, knowing the relationship is ending, although this is definitely going to dial up the drama. Because you both can’t move out and he’s leaving in a month, it’s okay to have this last month together even though you won’t be after that.

That said, it’s understandable that you’re going to really miss someone you’ve been with for five years now, and you will have trouble letting go (you sound like you’re in college, so this may be a first serious relationship for you). That said, I think it’s wise to let your boyfriend take the lead in setting the tone for the future. If he decides to call you up and want to date you post break up, it’s okay to do so, but if he doesn’t call you and decides to stick to his guns about being broken up, although it will be hard, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to try and instigate a reunion with him.

Relationships start because both people want the same thing from each other. They end, however, when ONE person wants out. It doesn’t matter what the other person wants, it won’t work unless both people want the same thing. Therefore, I hope you will move on with your life, and if he comes back to you, at that time, YOU get to be the one to decide if you want to date him again.

I know that this is easier said than done, but you can do it. Focus on school and hang out with other friends and family who are supportive of YOU so that you don’t find yourself so lonely you need to call or contact your ex.

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