Not sure what to make of this…

[Evie]

I’m not sure exactly what to make of this.

Most of the guys who tell me that they are attracted to me or like me are always younger than me (at most by 6 years). This time it’s different and here’s the story.

So I just joined a new research team this school year, working for a different professor than I did for the past 2 years. This professor took his research team including me to a restaurant for a celebration party (celebrate the end of the previous semester for the research work). On this research team, there’s this graduate student from Scotland. Quite an interesting and charming guy. We first met at the research party. Myself being also of British nationality aside from Canadian, we first connected on that. We talked about Scotland, he asked me how old I am and he told me he’s 10 years older than I am (I’m 27 so that makes him 37) and he said I’m pretty.

After the party when it’s time to leave, he was going to walk home. Since we had a blizzard in town the week before, it was still pretty cold and still with a ton of snow. Me being a woman, I felt bad about him walking in the freezing cold and offered him a ride home from the restaurant. He accepted my offer. Originally it was just to drop him off at his house he rented with 2 other random female roommates whom are my age, but when we got to his house, he asked if I want to come in for tea. So we ended up hanging out for another two hours, and just getting to know each other. I met one of his roommates. His friend who is single, 35 years old and a single parent with a small business in town dropped by his house just before I left and so I got to meet his best buddy, who asked if I have a boyfriend. Anyhow, hanging out with him (the Scottish guy) was great. Few days later, we were chatting on Facebook and he said he enjoyed my company. Afterwards, we chat on Facebook some more, with some mild flirting. At this point, I am very attracted to him. He asked me if I want to hang out again.

One time, I was just at home studying, he texted me on Facebook chat (I’m just logged on most of the time), and he was at his house studying too, and as usual, we were just chatting and some flirting. The long studying, he said how if I were at his house at the time, he’d beg me for a shoulder massage. Afterwards, in other chats, he kept bringing up the massage and it looks like he’s not going to give up. This is not the problem here. I told my best friend this and the chats he and I had been having, and my best friend (who had a lot more dating experience than I have) tells me that he (the Scottish guy) likes me. And just yesterday, he texted me on my cell phone at around 10pm at night telling me that he was thinking about me and asked what I was doing.

My first instinct was that he was drunk and might have drunk texted me (it was after all, the weekend). I asked him if he was and he said no. Then another text message later that night at around 2pm, mentioning about that massage and it sounded like he wanted to come over to my apartment. I was asleep when he texted me that message and didn’t get the message until I woke up. Today, we chatted on Facebook again and he said that later that night he got drunk. I told my best friend all this and she confirmed that he likes me since he crossed the line by asking for the massage. But she warned me to be careful because he sounded like one of those guys where they just want to get intimate with a girl and sleep with a girl (and sometimes it feels like he acts like a 25 year old). At this point, we still haven’t hang out yet since he last asked as he had been swamped with school work. My best friend thinks I should tell him how I feel before this gets out of hand and I end up getting hurt. She also thinks I should put him on the spot and ask him that if he has time to ask for a massage, how come he hasn’t had time to hang out with me.

I’m not exactly sure what to think of the situation and him because I like him, but I never dealt with guys who are way older than I am. I’m not sure what to do because if he is what my friend thinks (just wanted sex and nothing more), then I should protect myself and push him away and just keep things on friends level. But then he could also be serious in liking me and if I push him away (to protect myself), I lose this good catch. I’m at this “I find myself an older and more mature guy, and now I get this” situation. I’m not sure what to do.

[April Masini]

Age is just a number. Behavior and character is what’s important. So whether I’m advising you on this guy who’s ten years older than you or someone who’s your exact same age, I’d tell you the same thing.

Don’t tell him how you feel. And don’t fantasize a relationship that doesn’t exist. If he asks you out on a date you’ll know he’s interested in you as a girlfriend. If he continues to drunk dial you and ask for a massage, you’ll know he’s just interested in a booty call.

It’s important for you to observe HIS behavior so you know what his intentions are. When you muck that up by telling him your feelings WAY too soon, you take away the opportunity for him to show you what he wants. In the meantime, don’t wait by the phone — it’s just going to make you crazy. Instead, keep your eyes and mind open for Mr. Right each day. This guy has your number, and if he’s interested, he’ll call, and if he wants a date, he’ll ask. But you have to remember all the opportunity in life, and don’t just focus on one Mr. Maybe. Get out there and continue to be your best self to attract Mr. Right — regardless of his age! 🙂

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