Not that interested? Or is he really self-admittedly shy?

[MT1984]

For about a year now a friend of mine (jenn) has wanted to set me up with a friend of hers (alex). When we were first introduced earlier this year we seemed to hit it off but we were both involved with other people and thus did not pay much mind to it. In October alex and I were both at a party at jenn’s place, we both were single, and we ended up hanging out with each other most of the night. We wound up kissing and both passed out at her place and just cuddled, nothing more. He tried to get my number that night but I got distracted and realized I had never given it to him, but I expected him to try to get it from our mutual friends since he had said he was interested in going out. When he didn’t call I was a bit bummed but I just ignored it and chalked it up to a good time. Early this month I saw him again when I was out with the same friends, at the end of the night when we left the bar to go back to jenn’s place alex came along, though I didn’t think much of it since he is best friends with jenn’s boyfriend. Long story short at the end of the night everyone left jenn’s apartment except for alex. Once everyone had gone to bed he apologized to me for not calling and said that he had wanted to get my number the last time but that he is shy and felt too awkward asking for my number in the morning in front of a bunch of other people and felt awkward getting it from our mutual friends. He seemed sincere, I gave him a little crap for it but said it was alright, he asked for my number, I gave it to him and we again just made out and cuddled and passed out. In the morning he gave me a hug goodbye and I unintentionally gave him the cheek when he tried to kiss me, he then asked for a kiss goodbye and I gave him one and he left. He texted me about an hour later thanking me for hanging out with him. I shot him a text back a few hours later. Long story short and the point of this story – I have not heard from him since.

Normally I would just chalk this all up to a guy who is just not all that interested, and that could be the case, but for some reason I just don’t think that is the case. First of all this guy is actually one of the ‘nice’ ones, from everything our mutual friends say he is not the drunken hook up sort (plus we had not been drinking much either night), and he really is exceedingly polite and genuine. Both nights that we slept (and I mean just sleep) together he never tried to do anything more than kiss me, held me the whole night, and was just far too cute, I don’t think he let go of my hand once and would kiss my hand once in a while, and seemed incredibly sincere. My friend Jenn bugged me about it a little while later saying that it was clear our relationship was evolving and did the general friend trying to pry for information type thing. She wanted to know if I was really interested or if I was just bored (I have a feeling she asked that because her and her boyfriend are very protective over alex since he is such a good friend of theirs and such a good guy), I didn’t really give her any information because I know anything I tell her she will tell her boyfriend who will immediately tell alex. Point is – normally I would ask for Jenn’s opinion on this but I know anything I tell her or ask her won’t be in confidence – hence the need to ask for an outsider perspective.

Long story short I am interested in this guy and am a bit worried that maybe I didn’t give him the impression that I am interested. Or – maybe he just really is not that interested in me. I am really tempted to text him, maybe just wish him a happy new year and say I’d like to see more of him in 2012. BUT – I don’t want to do that if he is just not interested. In sum: should I take initiative and text him or is he flat out just not interested in me? Just looking for an honest opinion.

Thanks in advance for any input!

[April Masini]

Definitely do not contact him. 😳 If he wants to contact you he has lots of resources to do so. Since he isn’t contacting you after bumping into you and making out with you twice, and having good friends in common, you should really assume he isn’t interested. And next time you see him, don’t make out with him and sleep with him — it’s sending him the wrong message, that you’re easy and free with your affections and don’t really need a commitment or even a date to get to know him better. 😉 Guys have sex because they can. Same goes for making out. If you don’t give him something alluring to want and chase after, he’s not going to come looking for you. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1154528031[/url]. 😀

[jdawg]

I disagree with April on this. I concider myself a nice guy and when i first hung out with my now girlfriend, I was 17. I was shy and our first party together we kissed. Second party we kissed and cuddled together. I asked her out the next party but he may just be less shy then me. In those 3 times she never gave me the cheek. For one, guys hate getting rejected, when he went to kiss you, you gave him the cheek! Accidently of course, but he doesnt know that! You kissed him when yous had had a few drinks, then when he went to leave the next morning, when yas were both sober, you gave him the cheek. So in his mind, hes thinking “she kissed me when she had a few drinks, but when shes sober she gives me the cheek” From this guys pov you are not giving him enough signals to want to ask you out or talk to you. I dont blame him! I would have quit worrying about you too. I also do not think you have come across as easy by snuggling with him, I also do not think all guys want to sleep with girls just cos they can. Thats bullshit. Many guys do, but many dont. I waited 7 months to sleep with my gf. thats ages im told. Yeah i was 18 but most ppl i know lost it earlier. My gf was ready after 3 months but i said no. And im still with her 4 yrs later. So while many guys may want to get in your pants, some dont. Im backing this guy up here, i think hes shy and scared you will give him the cheek again. Why should he bother really? we all know the cheek thing was unintentional except him. He had to then ask you to kiss him! What a low blow. Of course he aint gonna bother with you! You rejected him, unintentionally. I reckon he likes you a lot. Way too much to want to get into your pants. But hes letting his feelings slide because you gave him mixed signals. Hes trying to move on because he doesnt think you like him enough. Its not too late though. I would message him, because i reckon he likes you. Dont let it go without knowing, because lets face it, you dont know. He feels you arent keen, and thats fair enough because of what happened. Let him know you are keen by initiating a hang out. Then see what happens. Just remember, the reason he didnt push further the two nights yas hung out is because he wasnt ready to, not because he didnt want to!

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

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