playing hard to get?!

[kyle]

hello everybody,

kind of long story,i´ll try to keep it short.I´ve divorced recently after a “cold war” of almost a year.A few weeks ago a girl/colleague got fired and on her last day we started talking briefly/a little bit.She gave me her number and asked me if I wanted to, to go for a drink some day.I known her for nearly 3 years now and every time we met, she said hello and would give me a big smile.I gave it some thought and texted her.She replied within a couple of hours but she didn´t have time the next weekend,only the weekend afterwards.We ve had 4 dates now but I´m nearly always the one who has to ask/text.When I´m with her things are great:we click,we have long conversations about practically everything.The things she does:she smiles at me a lot even stares,blushes once in a while,leans towards me, touches my arm,listens to me,gives me advice.Our first 2 dates we just went to for a drink,third date more drinks and a walk.On our fourth date we had lunch,afterwards went for a drink and another long walk and she showed me where she´s living.We also have a lot in common.On Christmas eve she sent me the sweetest message.Now she said she would call but she doesn´t.After 4 dates I know for a fact she likes me.I don´t wanna rush things too,so I´m backing off a little now.Don´t wanna pressure her or look needy.(too late?)She´s single and she knows I´m divorced.(I´m 37 she´s 31)Is she playing hard to get or does just want to be friends, or am I misreading her?She´s driving me crazy!

[April Masini]

It sounds like [i]you[/i] think she’s playing hard to get because she expects you to ask her out on dates instead of contacting you herself. I don’t agree. I think she’s interested, and I think you should make a move to kiss her. 😉 Let me know how it goes!

And please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1154528031[/url].

[kyle]

Thanks for taking an interest,

I haven´t played this “game” in a long time,have been married for 16 years.
The thing is that I don´t wanna blow it,I really like her.Don´t wanna scare her off by trying to kiss her.I´m pretty sure we´ll meet again this week but she has to contact me!As much as it´s killing me,I´m gonna wait for her call/text.
just wish she would`t take so long!That´s why I feel she sending me mixed signals.She´s kinda shy,friendly,helpful,but still knows what she wants.Is this type of behavior “normal” for this kind of girl?

However let me clarify a few things:
after some digging on the net ,already quite a while ago,I figured out I am suffering from “mr nice guy syndrome” and I´m trying to deal with it.I´m not a severe case,I think,but still.On our dates I have opened up to her,completely,telling all about me and my problems.She has shared personal thing with me too,after all we aren´t complete strangers.I´m scared she just wants to be a friend.Nevertheless I haven´t been ambiguous about my intentions.After our second date i texted her: “I don´t know you very well,but I would like to get to know you better”.She replied wishing me a good night (nothing more) and 5 days later she texted me to have lunch.Now my question is:Have I been too much of a mr nice guy and should I flip things around.
Like I said she´s intelligent,determent,friendly,helpful but still a little bit shy.Another thought:I´m doing better now,thanks to her,I can probably “get away” with my vulnerability/neediness,due to fact that I was down.
How do handle this? Do I take charge or do I let her lead and tag along?What´s the best approach to this kind of woman.I don´t wanna blow this!!!

Any feedback would be more than welcome!

kyle.

[April Masini]

First of all, since you’re admittedly new (again) to the game, please buy and read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for men who want to win the dating game: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It’s going to help you a LOT from what I can tell by what you’ve written.

Second, I sincerely hope you’re not asking her out on dates by text. 😕 It doesn’t show a lot of interest.

Third, the behavior of hers you describe is entirely normal.

Fourth, I’m not sure why you’re waiting for her…. 😕 Read Date Out of Your League, and you’ll learn what women find attractive, and what is a turn off. Any guy who’s too available or not confident, isn’t going to be of interest. Read the book, and let’s talk some more. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1154528031[/url]. 😀

[kyle]

Thanks so far!

Let me ask a question:When she´s gonna text me to go out on a date at some bar at a certain time,what do I say?

-Instead of texting back I call her back.(I always preferred texting,it gives you more time to think and come up with the “right” answer).
-I agree right away with the date,time and place.
-I tell her ok but I prefer another or another place.
-I disagree with everything she proposes and set up a different date.
-I don´t return her text right away and give it a day or two.

What do I say:a,b,c,d or e bearing in mind all the things I´ve said so far?

Thanks!

[April Masini]

Please buy and read Date Out of Your League, [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url], as I recommended. I’m more than happy to give you advice here, but if you download this book (you can do it right away), you can start reading and get answers to your questions — and more. Then I can answer specific instances that the book may not address. 😀

[kyle]

April,

I have tried but for some reason I can´t buy your book.I have tried with 2 different credit cards.I`ll see if I can get it tomorrow in a bookshop.Can you still give me some advice?

(you don´t need to put this post on your site)

Thanks
kyle

[April Masini]

Click on the link I gave you and enter the information required. The book will download automatically. If you’re getting an error message, let me know. This particular books is only available online.

[kyle]

An update :
Like expected,I had to wait quite a while to get an answer.I had decided to ask her out,but she couldn´t make it that day,only the day after.I decided to call her bluff…I replied that like this it wasn´t working out for me and thanked her for helping me.I ended saying have a good life.Within 10 minutes I got an answer,(fastest one ever) saying she had to take care of some business and only had time for me the day after(not too friendly).I didn´t accept her invitation, by not replying..
Two days later she texts me all friendly again,wishing me a happy new year and to meet again.
My reply:”Im gonna be at this bar next tuesday,at this time,it`s up to you to show up or not.”
Im scared this might backfire…Although I´m fed up of running after her like a puppy and that´s exactly what I´m gonna tell her too..

Any thoughts?

[April Masini]

Were you able to buy the book? It’s going to help you enormously. I’m more than happy to give you free advice here, but I’d like you to buy this book because it’s got a lot more information than I can give you here — AND…. it helps support this site! 😀

[kyle]

No luck buying the book.However I´m gonna tell her to stop toying me around.I ve been doing a lot reading + thinking and kept asking myself why I´ve been obsessing about her.Didn´t come up with an answer though.Maybe it´s the loneliness after my divorce,I don´t know.Fact is that I´ve never been like that.(there have been other women before my ex-wife). Lowering my expectations has calmed me down and given me some perspective.
So I´m gonna do what my gut tells me to do:tell her that I´m not a puppy and I don´t like to be played.
May it´s gonna blow up in my face,so be it,there will be others.

I´ll post the outcome.

kyle

[kyle]

another update:

Im not after free advice,but maybe my story will help someone else.I´m doing this my way,the only way I know.
Anyway,on tuesday we met as planned,and after saying hello and the usual small talk ,I told everything I had to say..
she didn´t take it well and was quite offended.She actually had a valid reason for cancelling,but why not tell me before??? I gave her my side of the story,remaining very calm,without being disrespectful.She reacted emotionally saying if she didn´t like me she wouldn´t have shown up.After 10 minutes she calmed down and started explaining what happened.(medical problems).
We still went on our date and had a good time although her body language was a lot colder than before.I don´t regret doing what I did;my message came through.However afterwards I started thinking and I GUESS she has (trust) issues.(former relationships?!).She`s sharing little information about really personal things,however there is progress. I asked myself the question :”Is she worth it?”
Following my gut,I `m not giving up,yet.(the thought has crossed my mind) `Like I´ve said before,I really like her and am gonna give her some more time.
If I´m seeing that progress is diminishing I´m gonna let her go…
thanks,
kyle.

[April Masini]

Good luck! 😀

Hope to see you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1154528031[/url].

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