Please help.

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  • #8006
    tears1213
    Participant

    Okay so josh and me broke up and then i got into a relationship with Matthew then Josh came back He changed so much he actually seemed to love and care about me then i broke up with Matthew 3 times for Josh now I’m in a situation where i was in a relationship with josh but broke up cause i had some problems i needed to fix so i have a month to fix them cause i promised josh i would fix my problems in a month and we could get back together but then Matthew asked me out again and i said yes but then i realized i don’t love Matthew in way i want to spend the rest of my life with him like i did Josh but Josh is complicated and confusing sometimes but i still love him and i want to break up with Matthew but if i do then he wont want to be my friend anymore but if i don’t break up with Matthew, Josh will leave… i don’t know what to do cause i don’t want to lose either one of them.

    #35168
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    You’re 21 and these guys are 22 and 23, and you said in your pre-posting questionnaire that you’ve only been dating them a month. Yet there’s been so much drama in that month!!! My advice is for you to step back and take a breath. Here are a few pointers:

    * You’re not friends with these guys. You’re dating them. It’s different than friendship, so get over the idea that you may lose a friendship with them. It’s not there to lose. These are romantic interests — find your friends elsewhere. Life will be much easier for you when you process this. 😉

    * You should date someone for three months before you decide whether or not to continue dating them. During that time you should be playing the field, as should they. When you slow things down, you get to know each other better and reduce drama. So play the field and if after dating for three months, you want to continue dating them, wait until the six month mark to decide if you want to be monogamous. Do this, and watch the drama disappear!

    * Relax. There’s anxiety coming through your post, as if you have to perfect the process of dating and relationships. It’s a process and you have to ease into it so you can learn and figure out who you are and what you want, and who you work best with. 🙂

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