Please help me!

[kalpana]

I am in a relationship w a man of 43, my age for the past 4 years now . Both of us are separated from our spouses and have one kid each. Right from the day one he said that his wife didn’t like to stay w his parents so left him and staying at her parents home in the same city Along w his kid. She hardly visits him and hardly lets kid meet his dad as well. So they have been staying separate for the last 8 years . Married for 13 years .
I stay separate from my hubby too .
My lover n I have been happy w our relationship w all its ups n downs . However these days his kid has grown up n asking him to take him on a holiday . He was rejoiced and requested his wife too to accompany him. I was very upset because he said he never loved her after she left home . So now how suddenly he decided to ask her on a holiday ?
When I confronted him he says that it’s for kid AND HE DOESNT LOVE HER. But each time they meet up socially he n wife have fun. However they go back to their own houses. In the past ten months he never met his son because she never let him meet the kid .
I feel very upset though I understand the kid needs him, how can this man forgive a woman who walked out him just 4 years after marriage ?
And on the top of it she never let the kid meet his dad frequently . Each time he had to beg her to go out w the kid.
his wife suddenly started ‘liking’ all his posts on facebook these days which she never did in last 5 years.
Is she playing games or are they seriously try to give the marriage a try? In that case why is he not tellin me?

[April Masini]

The problem with dating married people is that they have commitments to spouses, and after eight years of separation, your married boyfriend has made it very clear that he’s not interested in divorcing his wife, and wants to maintain that marriage [i]and[/i] his relationship with you. Now, after years, she’s suddenly expressing interest in him on social media, and allowing him to vacation with their child and even going with them on the vacation. And that’s just what you know — there may be more you don’t know, and that’s why you’re anxious.

It certainly sounds like she has some interest in the marriage after all this time. It’s hard to know why, but the important thing is that there is interest and your boyfriend is going on a family vacation with his wife and son, without you. While you’re definitely unsettled, there’s an opportunity here for you. You can decide to stay in this relationship, knowing he’s married and that his marriage is special to him in a way that your marriage is not special to you. Or, you can decide that you would rather date someone who is legally single and has less of a blurred line when it comes to a relationship with a mother or father of their child.

Whatever you choose, he’s going on this vacation and he is doing it for his son — but there may be something in it for him, too, romantically. You can freak out with anxiety or you can accept that he has a wife and he has a relationship with her that is becoming reactivated after seeming dormancy. He may come back to you as if all is fine, or he may want to continue seeing his wife to see if that relationship resolves. Either way, you’re dating someone who has a wife, and that person is ultimately important in your life, as well as his own — as you can see in this situation. I hope that helps.

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