[Trini]

ok, i recently got into a relationship with a man, its only been about two months (of being together as a couple, not dating) and i feel as if hee has changed…everytime we get into an arguement he always makes me feel as if im the bad guy..when im the one who is getting hurt. he always says that i hurt him more than he ever hurts me but it doesnt feel like it to me. at first we used to argue about me not respecting him, (and to be honest i wasnt respecting him) then when we got that solved now its about me not trusting him, he always says “how can you be in love with me if you dont trust me” and i can never give him a clear answer. im going to be honest i do not trust him…but i used to, its a long distance relationship so at first we would talk on the phone so much i would almost get tired of hearing his voice haha, and then he just stopped calling me..if i want to speak to him I have to initiate the call..or text him for him to call me. i miss it when i used to wake up and he’d be calling me. i miss it when he would be excited to talk to me..like earlier in our relationship. I feel as if he just is not there for me sometimes, lately he has been so distant too.
he will tell me that he will call me back , then one of his friends will call him and he will leave with them example:
i called him and he told me he was going to call me back , he never did.
while we were off of the phone i had a very bad argument with my mother and was crying and so depressed, so i called him (because of course he never called me back when he said he would) and he told me that his friend needed him and he had to go…so i basically sat on the floor crying for 30 minutes…did i mention it was 2am on a Wendsday when his friend called him? i just find it very ssad that a man would rather go help out a friend than help out his own girlfriend, the one he is in love with.
i’ve always told him that i’d never make him choose between me and his best friends…i always say “if your friends need you, then they have you” even though i wont make him choose i just wish that sometimes i could come first. how can i save my relationship?
i wish i could bring back the fire, the desire.
i feel like he is just putting up with me, for reasons unknown to me.
to give a little more info, through this whole time i have felt that i have lost my backbone…i’ve never met a man so charming in my life….usually i dont let this kind of thing happen, if a guy yells at me, or even if the relationship is just becoming too much ..if i feel that im losing myself i always back out and say bye to the relationship…but with him i cant do that and i dont know why. im usually very dominant but with him im the opposite.
i really dont know what to do and am very confused.
please help me save my relationship. please.

[April Masini]

It sounds like you like this guy because he is charming, but you don’t trust him. 🙁 It’s going to be very hard for you to be charming, loving, generous and your best self when you feel that your boyfriend isn’t loyal to you. 😕 So, aside from wanting a man who is charming, you need to be with someone who you can feel vulnerable and safe with. Only then will you be able to give him your whole heart and not get angry or argumentative. With this guy, you lash out because you’re scared he’s not going to be there for you when you need him — and you’re right. He’s already shown you he’s not there for you.

Some of this problem may be a result of the long distance nature of your relationship, and perhaps you should rule out dating guys who aren’t living in your area code and see if that makes you feel better about the men you’re with. Long distance is hard to sustain because you can’t really build a life together as easily as if you lived closer together.

I know that you want this guy to be trustworthy and loving to you, and someone who brings out your best qualities when you’re with him, but he’s not, and you’re upset because you’re trying to wish him into being someone else.

The best way for you to figure out if you want to continue to date him is to be the woman you want to be with the man you want to be with! In other words, if he doesn’t call you or text you — don’t call or text him. Just because he doesn’t return your calls doesn’t mean you have to be the woman who calls and texts over and over just to get his attention. [b]Be[/b] the woman who [b][i]gets[/i][/b] the calls and texts — not the one who doesn’t! 😆 If he doesn’t call you or return your calls, that doesn’t mean you have to chase him. In fact — DON’T! [i]Allow[/i] yourself to be the woman who is [b]worth[/b] calling and texting. And don’t tell him that his friends come ahead of you — when that isn’t what you want at all! Men want a woman who respects herself enough to put herself first in line when it’s appropriate for her to be first in line, and if you’re his girlfriend and the love of his life, then you belong in the front of the line. Naturally!

If he doesn’t call you back, continually, then let him be and move on to find someone who is not just charming, but attentive and loyal and desirous of you and interested in returning your phone calls! You deserve that.

I think you’d do really well to read my book called Think & Date Like A Man that you can download here [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. This book will help you A LOT when it comes to finding Mr. Right — and getting him — AND KEEPING HIM 😎 . I think you’ll love the book and you’ll feel a lot better after reading it.

[Author]

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