Porn addicted husband?

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  • #8118
    tourniquet
    Participant

    Hi April,
    My husband and I have been together a long time. I have gained a significant amount of weight since we started dating, I’d say about 80lbs. My husband has cheated on me when we were dating and hit on my sister while he was intoxicated after we were married. I caught him looking at porn a few years into our marriage and told him that it hurts me and makes me feel inadequate. He agreed it was a mistake and promised to stop. He did for a very brief time. Recently I feel like he needs to look at porn in order to have sex with me. A few days ago I was under the covers giving him a bj and he wasn’t really getting hard. Then all of a sudden he became rock hard, which I haven’t felt in years. I peeked out from the covers and noticed his phone in his hand. I’m positive he was looking at porn, but he said he was just checking if his employee had texted him for a ride home yet. Since then I have not been able to bring myself to be intimate with him. How do I get past this?

    #35408
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    First of all, if you gained 80 pounds, why not try and lose that weight? Obviously — wait until after this pregnancy, but when it’s done, focus on your health and appearance so you both get the benefits that come with a weight loss after a weight gain. 😉 I know it’s hard to lose weight, but if you give it a good try and focus on your global health — not just what you see on the scale, you’re going to feel healthier, happier — and sexier! So, that’s something you can work on!

    Next, consider why your husband’s interest in porn makes you feel inadequate. Is it really the [i]porn[/i] that makes you feel inadequate? Or is it the weight gain? His cheating on you while you were dating? His hitting on your sister? It sounds like there are a few things going on here, and it may not be the porn, itself, that’s the main thing that is bothering you. There are lots of women who are bothered by their partner’s interest in porn — but there are also lots of women who not only don’t feel threatened by it, but they feel that it’s something they can incorporate into their sex life. Since your husband likes porn, maybe you can try to embrace it — or if not embrace it, try to understand what about it he likes.

    And lastly, consider whether he’s really addicted — or just has a healthy interest in porn. Usually, addiction means that his interests are interfering with other parts of his life, like his job, his family obligations and his relationships. What you’re describing sounds less like addiction and more like an issue between the two of you that you can both work on. 😉

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