Rare Situation-fiance called off wedding and "US"

[hurtandconfused86]

hi! i have a rare situation im in and i need some good honest advice, id love to hear what men think because it seems a womans way of thinking isnt getting me anywhere. Ill make this as short as possible.

Me and my guy have been together since january 2004 and he asked me to marry him april 1 2008 we were to be married mat 1, 2009. our relationship has been AMAZING from the get-go. he was best friends with my brother who passed away right before we met (i was living in CA he was here in MD) and we connected with the things we had going on in our lives. He was very emotionally open and caring. He is typically a closed person with his emotions very kinda “asshole” like if you dont know him well but he was very trusting in me and i him. we are still best friends, we tell eachother everything (at least up until the last month). well with that said Feb 27th he called the wedding off, which i (and everyone else family and friends) though was just cold feet and i was fine with calling the wedding off futher notice or even completely cancelling the whole lets get married thing cuz its not about being married its about being together but he broke up with me too. at first he gave me blah reasons saying he just cant do it the bitching, the complaining, his family (who wasnt keen on us getting married but are fine with us together) the fact that he felt we were more like roommates then lovers and that this is killing him because he doesnt want anyone else but he just cant do it. he want to do him. then later we had a less emtional more practival talk about what happened…we both agreed we let things get compfortable, boring, in a routine & werent having any of the romantic zing that we have had before- so i agreed that cancelling the wedding was for the best but i told him i still wanted to work things out because were soulmates, bestfriends and all couples go threw similar and we are worth it…he said he didnt want to go back. but i said i didnt want to go back either i want to move fwd learing from our mistakes, mines too. he said maybe he is making a mistake and if im still around when he figures that out he wil be lucky but for now thats were he stands. hes saying he is still in love with me , then hes saying he doesnt know…but either way hes consistantly saying he just wants to “so him” for a while. so to present date…ive backed off and just tried to be there but not be there for him. imnot texting him or calling him; however, we have been hanging out alot…HERES WHERE IT GETS INTERESTED AND DIFFICULT FOR ME>>>> we live together. hes moved into our spare bedroom. he comes and goes as he pleases and because weve been getting along it hasnt been bad just awkward. theres days when hes totally nice and hints of his old self and theres times were hes been boarderline disrespectful and rude (mostly when drunk) weve had parties (we still party a lot-always have) and weve “hooked up” a few times. he initiated a few times and i did a few times and weve also hooked up sober on like a tuesday night. the chemistry is off the hook right now and its so obvioius to eveyone and myself how much love and chemistry is still there. im glas we had sex because it took us out of that rutt but i dont think it should continue and turninto friends with benefits because i want to be with him like we were for the past 4 years EXCLUSIVE. I wake himup every moring and we discuss with no issues so far our bills and stuff so were communicating well but still were not back together. at this point my “plan” is to continue to try to get my life back, going to teh gym again, going out with girlfriends, staying busy and positive and give him space, maybe even more space. i dont text or bug him…so do you think thats the right thing to do? we cant move out because of overwelming financial responsibility and joint bills and such and we own this house together, neither one of us have made any steps to separate that part. WHAT DO I DO? i have tried to crunch alot in a little paragraph as possible so ifyou have any questions that may help you help ME pls ASK. thanks!

[ThinkingRight]

The best thing you could do is find a way to move out even if that means moving in with a friend or your parents and to make yourself unavailable to him. This will help him clarify his feelings and what he really wants. When you’re always around, he can’t miss you and take you being there for granted. If you leave, he’ll suddenly realize how much he misses you and wants you back.

If he doesn’t, he was never going to anyway and at least you’ll stop wasting your time. Should that happen he can buy you out ofthe house, or you two can sell it. As bad as that may sound, delaying your life is not the answer — it’s a waste of precious time.

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

I am here to help, and happy to answer any questions you have. 😀

[Author]

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