[JLynn1988]

Trying to figure out if this is a rebound or a legitimate lasting relationship….both parties got out of year long relationships within a month before starting to date each other. The guy fell out of love with the previous girl and the girl was dumped by her ex. The girl was trying to get her ex back less than 2 weeks before they began the official relationship, even made social media posts about how her ex will regret it after she was in the new relationship. She is the opposite of his last girlfriend and he has changed since dating her too. He always hated couples who are obsessive with each other on facebook, likes to keep his relationship off social media. However now that’s all he seems to do, they even commented :love you” after only 3 weeks together. They’ve been together almost 2 months and he tags her very rarely now and she still does 20x a day. Is it possible that they’re really in love or is this most likely typical rebound behavior? I’ve heard what starts fast ends fast, but everyone is different. His last girlfriend was very independent and he is a very affectionate guy and she was opposite. The new girlfriend is very clingy, needy, jealous, and affectionate so it might be possible that he is eating it up as he didn’t get that from his last girlfriend when he wanted it. I say this as his independent ex and am trying to figure out if I have a future chance at working it out. I have done a lot of work on myself in the 3 months apart and am finally happy, however he still has 100% of my heart and I’m ready to try and get him back if this new relationship fizzles out. What do you think my chances are and do you think this relationship will last?

[April Masini]

It’s very difficult to read a relationship question that is written in the third person. It comes across as academic, and it’s distancing and hard to understand how it relates to the writer. Can you please repost your question as it relates to you? 🙂

[JLynn1988]

My ex and I broke up the end of January, after 11 months officially together and one month prior to that of just dating. We spent every spare minute together, months together felt like years, we felt like we knew each other forever, blah blah blah. 10 months into the relationship he got a second job, we didn’t get to see each other much. Weight gain for me made me withdraw in the intimacy department. I stopped letting him see me naked, stopped wanting to have sex and for the whole relationship I never really initiated any affection. He would send me paragraph texts of how much he loved me and I’d always respond with, I love you too. Some could say that a lot of the time I acted like I couldn’t care less about the relationship, but in reality he was everything to me and I just didn’t know how to show it. Anyway, we moved in together new years weekend, which was his idea, and he ended things 3 weeks later. He said he had started to fall out of love with me in December and thought moving in would make him happier. The breakup devastated me and I did the bad thing of begging. 3 weeks after the breakup we saw a movie in the theater and that night I found him ready to go to bed in my bed. We slept together for 2 nights, and I asked him what was going on and he said we were heading in the direction of getting back together. The next day he said we should slow down on the sex because he wanted to fall in love with me again and not just have it be sex. The day after that he went cold and said it was a mistake. So that obviously broke my heart again, feeling used for sex. We continued to live together for 5 weeks after the breakup before things got ugly….

[JLynn1988]

He had started talking to a girl just days after the breakup, maybe even before. I’d catch glimpses of texts on his phone when he’d leave it around. I could tell that they were laying down the foundation to possibly date soon. I talked to him about us working things out and he said he felt that we ere too different & maybe there was something better out there for him. He also said he needed to work on his own life and didn’t want to date for a very long time. However at the 5 week mark after our breakup he was officially in a relationship with his current girlfriend. I haven’t met her, but I can see a bit about her on her profile. She’s much younger than me, but closer to his age than I was. She’s 19 and he’s 22 and he likes to go out and drink just like any guy that age and she can’t legally do that. She seems to be the exact opposite of me. I’m a very chill girl, don’t get bothered by too much, don’t care about who he talks to or who he hangs out with, I don’t have mood swings, etc. From what she posts on facebook she’s very needy, clingy, jealous, etc. The type of girl he always told me he hated and he loved that I was so chill. He always told me he hated couples who are obsessed with each other on facebook, his family also told me about that too. For him you’re lucky to get him to change his relationship status bc he always likes to keep it private. However now all they do is tag each other in stupid mushy crap and even have commented “love you” on posts they’ve tagged each other in. That was 3 weeks into their relationship. I got off of facebook for almost 3 weeks now, got on yesterday and looked and things seemed to have calmed down. She still tags him in 20 things a day, but he doesn’t much. Haven’t seen anymore sappy lovey mushy posts. She got out of a year long relationship weeks before they began dating, and even shared posts about how her ex is going to regret losing her someday, after she started dating my ex. So they were both very much fresh out of relationships, she was still in love when she started dating my ex. I don’t know what extent his feelings still were for me, obviously some since he tried to get the love back after he lost it, even for only a couple weeks and he never changed anything or talked to me about it

[JLynn1988]

I guess I’m trying to figure out if this is a typical rebound or if its a real relationship that will last. I wouldn’t think the love word would be thrown around in a rebound, but also 3 weeks is really very soon to be saying that too. In the time of the breakup I’ve been getting back to my old self, a girl who he never really got to meet. I used to go out and have fun and not care what people thought and then gained 60+ lbs and felt like crap. I became a shell of myself and thats the majority of the girl he got when we were together. I’ve lost almost 30lbs and am getting back to being me again and that’s nice. I’m doing things I’ve never done before, getting new hobbies, reconnecting with old friends & just taking care of myself. We haven’t had contact since he moved all of his stuff out, almost a month ago. I can see he occasionally checks my snapchat stories, but that’s it. I haven’t made effort since we got in a fight about how I was pissed that he started dating her days after he told me he wasn’t going to date. Even his mom was shocked that he was seeing someone already. He wanted to move out before they started dating, said we shouldn’t see or talk to each other for awhile. When he started to date her I told him to get out faster than he had planned and made sure I was gone when he got his stuff. My purpose of this is because someday I’d like the chance of trying to fix what we had, but at the same time I’m not sitting around waiting either. I’m living my life and doing what I need to do to make myself happy. But I’m wondering what the odds are of his relationship with her lasting & if I may still have a chance down the road

[April Masini]

I just noticed that you’ve already started a string of posts on this site here: [url]https://relationshipadviceforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=325986&p=361761#p361761[/url]. Please re-post your question there. It’s much easier for me and anyone else who wants to weigh in, to see your history in one place. 😉 I’ll look out for your new post there.

Also, please limit your posting to one post at a time. 🙂

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