Relationship on the brink

[tooniceguy]

I need some advice. I have been in a relationship for nearly five years with the same woman; we’ve been engaged for nearly two years. She approached me last week and said that she has only compassionate love for me and not passionate love and she’s not sexually attracted to me anymore, and also that I don’t challenge her. This comes after she has been away for a few weeks at a job. Its been difficult to speak with her on the phone or over the internet and she feels very distant and forces small talk.
My question is I don’t know what to do; what exactly does she mean when she says she wants to be challenged?

I’ve been reflecting the past few days (its what i do to pass the time as I’ve had trouble sleeping) and I’ve realized that I’m too nice of a guy, too accommodating, all I want to do is please her and I think that that is a huge problem. Now I find myself wanting to text and call her all the time, but I think that I should just give her some space.

I am stressing myself out that this relationship will end and I don’t want it to. I am willing to do whatever is in my power to save it, but I do realize that we may just have grown apart. I am looking for some suggestions on what to do, and any self help books recommendations.

[Trini]

I think you should leave her alone, permanently.

Women like her dont appreciate men who are nice, and willing to please. You should never have to change anything about yourself to please another woman. It seems like she lost interest in you, and is just hanging on.

[April Masini]

[b]Trini[/b] gave you to the point advice. 😀 As for me, I’d first advise you to consider some nice, naturally tryptophan-sleep-inducing turkey or warm milk rather than reflect on a troubled relationship at night. No wonder you can’t sleep! 😮

The problem here is two-fold. Number one, you’re trying to control a relationship and another person’s feelings. You can’t. The beauty of relationships is that when things work out it’s because two independent people decide to mutually commit. The whole is bigger than the parts. So let go and only control what you can.

Number two, she’s gently dumping you. The reasons she’s giving you are just what she’s saying — there’s probably more to it — but the bottom line is that she’s said she’s not attracted to you (compassionate love is mercy sex), or interested enough in you (you don’t challenge her) and she’s distanced herself from you. That’s rejection talking. Accept it and understand that rejection is actually a gift because it allows you to spend your time and energy on women who do want you and to let go and move away from those who are clear enough, like she is, to let you know they don’t.

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001113133958[/url].

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