[brandon]

So, I broke up with this girl. I told her I needed to move on, that after everything I tried to do after our first fight, the apologies, the proving I loved her, all I got from her was nothing. Honestly, after talking to a lot of people, my therapist, friends, I discovered it was nothing more than a lover’s quarrel, but she made it seem like I’d committed adultery and shot her dog. It was so blown out of proportion, I couldn’t believe it. She criticized me, always called me selfish and self-centered, made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough, and that nothing I did mattered. This went on for two months until I just couldn’t take it. She was being sweet for a week, then we saw each other, and she just started criticizing me again. I told her I didn’t appreciate it, that I didn’t criticize her, and then she called me too sensitive. She is completely heartless. I told her I thought it was pretty pathetic to constantly monitor my every move through myspace and facebook, and only make comments when I posted something that she didn’t like (in this case, it was blocking her and deleting her, so I didn’t have to see her anymore) and I told her I was sick of the whole thing, that she needed help, and I broke off all contact. Now, she’s emailing my friends, which are a lot, and she says stuff like, “I’m not sure how much Brandon’s poisoned you against me.” I think its funny, because she doesn’t have any friends at all. I got upset with her and told her I didn’t find it very surprising she didn’t have any friends considering she treated everyone like dirt. My friends know enough about her, but she is obviously unstable. Part of me really wishes I could help her. Part of me just wants to be strong enough to walk away completely and not say a word, feed the fire, or let this get the best of me. God, it’s the ugliest situation I’ve ever been through with a woman. I just want some total closure.

Still, part of me just can’t understand the transition. I’ll be honest. One month, she was a total sweetheart, and then we got in our first argument, and she just wouldn’t let it go. She says she can’t trust being alone with me, because when I got angry once, I lost my temper. She kept provoking me and provoking me. I didn’t know what to do, because we were fighting so much, yelling and screaming, that I honestly just went up to her to hug her, to hold on. It was the only good thing in the situation I could think of. She fought me off, and I ended up grabbing her by the biceps, telling her all I wanted was to hold onto her (granted I said this in a pretty loud voice, and used a few swear words), but she wouldn’t let me hold her. I ended up giving her bruises on her arms. Now, I’m abusive and and asshole, and she won’t let me forget it. I never raised my hand to a woman before, honest to God, never got physical. Then, after we finally made up and decided to try again, she was a total sweetheart, telling me how much she loved me, that she forgave me, and still wanted to make it work. But we only see each other on weekends. Then when we actually got together, she just criticized me and pushed me away, and said she didn’t trust being alone with me. It was like talking to two different people. She just keeps throwing things back in my face, the things I said. So, after trying for two solid months to prove to her how much I loved her, how sorry I was for what happened, that it wasn’t my intention, that I would do and had done everything I could to make sure it never happened again. Nothing mattered. I guess if she loved me, she would’ve been more forgiving. Or maybe this is all really my fault. Anyway, I finally ended it. I couldn’t take it anymore, how cold and heartless she was toward me. I was doing everything I could, and she was giving me nothing, not an ounce of love, forgiveness, anything. I’m not saying what I did was right. It was wrong, and I should’ve known better, but do I really deserve this, after doing everything I could to make it work, and then some? And now, she’s contacting my friends through the internet, almost like she’s trying to turn them against me, too. I want to just let go, but that part is still lingering. How could it be so perfect in the beginning, and turn so horrible so quickly. I guess what I find ironic, is that I’ve been in other relationships in the past, said and did worse things and was easily forgiven and a lot quicker. Now, I’ve been sober for two years, go to therapy, see a psychiatrist, and every second of my life is focused on being better. Still, she just tells me I’m selfish, overly sensitive, untrustworthy. How do I deal with this, and how do I completely walk away?

[April Masini]

The real question here is how do you let go of this drama?

The answer is that it’s all about your behavior. Here are the steps to take, and if you take them, you will have some peace in your life.

1. Don’t talk about her.

2. Don’t write her. This means letters, e-mails, texts, and instant messages.

3. Don’t talk to her. Get an answering machine with caller ID, and only take calls that have displayed numbers. Don’t pick up any other calls. And do not pick up her calls. If she leaves a message on your machine or answering service, erase it without listening to it.

4. Don’t see her. If she’s in a room where you find yourself, leave.

5. If you have thoughts about her, write them down in a journal and leave them there. If you can avoid writing them down, even better.

That should pretty much do it.

As for closure, you’ve already broken up, and that was your closure. Everytime you invoke her name you lessen that closure. Let her go. It’s all on you.

You can do it — but you have to [b]do it. [/b] 🙂

[Author]

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