Replaced by Michael Jackson???

[Daddy Kitty]

This may just be the craziest story you’ve ever heard April…

This story is over 20 years in the making, but I will do my best to condense it WAY DOWN.

I desperately need your expertise and input into this situation. Also, ANYONE else who has the patience to read through this entire story, PLEASE feel free to provide your opinion as well. The more, the better.

So, the story begins “20-ish” years ago when I dated this girl back in high school. Our relationship was brief, and I ended up breaking up with her. I don’t even remember the reason. It was 20 years ago! But, I never forgot about her. I thought about her often, and many times in conversation with friends reminiscing about the “good old days”, I would bring her up and wonder where she was, what she was up to, what her life was like, what she looked like, etc. Out of all the girls I had ever been with, she was the one that stood out in my mind above all others as THE ONE that got away.

Five years ago, after thinking about her yet again, I decided to finally look her up on classmates.com and see if she was listed. She was, so I sent her a message through the site. I expected her to tell me she was married and had x number of kids and was living the “American Dream”, etc. Well, to my surprise and excitement, she wasn’t.

We began exchanging emails almost everyday. She had never been married, no kids, and she wasn’t even in a relationship. AND, she told me that I had broke her heart all those years ago and she had never really quite gotten over it. She told me out of all the guys she ever dated, I was the hottest and made her the most nervous. It was unbelievable!

Our emails QUICKLY turned flirtatious and erotic. She started sending me pictures and she was even more beautiful than I ever imagined. I sent her pictures too. She also told me I was as hot as she remembered as well. We were BOTH deeply attracted to each other.

Several weeks later, we planned a trip to Las Vegas to meet up and see each other after all these years. The trip was incredible and the chemistry was crazy from the get go. We were both deeply in love with each other. It was like a fairy tale. I KNEW I had found MY GIRL after all these years!

Here’s where the story takes a turn for the worse…

The problem was we lived on opposite sides of the country from each other, and other than reuniting with her, I was going through the most difficult period of my life. I had made a series of bad business decisions and was over $100,000 dollars in debt. I was deeply depressed. It was a very difficult time for me and I didn’t have money to go visit her. I was COMPLETELY honest with her and told her all of my faults and problems. I loved her and I wanted to be completely transparent. She was VERY MUCH in love with me and didn’t care that I was in a financial crisis. She loved me for me and just wanted us to be together and build a life together. She desperately wanted me to come be with her but due to my financial issues, it was impossible. I thought, if she could love me at my ABSOLUTE worst, I knew I found someone very special. She knew I was the one for her and I knew it too.

She told me the most beautiful things about what was in her heart for me, we sent daily lullabies to each other talking about why we loved each other, we had very erotic phone sex, she sent me very sweet cards in the mail all the time, we made the best of the situation.

But she is a very jealous person and a very distrusting person and anytime I would have enough money to go out with GUY friends for dinner or the movies or whatever, she would get upset with me and if she couldn’t reach me on my phone, she assumed I was cheating on her. I have NEVER cheated on anyone my entire life! EVER! I have never even been accused of cheating on anyone before. Why would I cheat on the girl I loved SO DEEPLY and wanted to spend the rest of my life with? She never trusted me and this became a huge problem.

This caused NUMEROUS arguments between us.

She also felt “jipped” because I had been married previously and she felt like nothing would be special between us because I had already experienced all that. I married very young, almost right out of high school, and it was a mistake. There were NO lingering feelings for this woman, we had no children together, and I hadn’t seen or heard from her for many many years and had no interest in ever seeing her again.

She also believed I was very critical of her, that I was constantly looking for reasons why we shouldn’t be together. This was not true. Over the course of getting to know each other, I started realizing we were different in many ways. We had different beliefs, different interests, different tastes and I expressed concern on occasion. I always felt it was good to discuss these things so you know where each other stands. It was just the process of getting to know someone beyond a superficial level. I was never looking for reasons not to be with her. I was just concerned about some of our differences and I questioned them. I still loved her with all my heart and wanted to be together regardless of our differences.

We maintained a long distance relationship for 3 YEARS! 3 YEARS!!! It was very difficult. We didn’t get to see each other very often and when we did, it was rushed. We were as intimate as 2 people could be living in a long distance relationship for that long. We talked on the phone daily. We emailed. We had phone sex. We sent each other cards, etc. We knew each other, but we didn’t. There was familiarity, but not. It was strange. We didn’t even get to see each other ONCE the entire year of 2007! We didn’t get to spend holidays or birthdays with each other either.

Through all this time, she still maintained her love for me and still told me she loved me with all her heart and we were together forever and I believed her and I felt the same way. I never questioned that we would not be together. I KNEW we would be, we just had to get through this.

In 2008, she reluctantly decided to quit her job she loved and that she had had for over ten years because of internal conflicts in the company. It was a very difficult decision for her and affected her DEEPLY. She was very upset but felt it was the best thing to do. It had nothing to do with our relationship. After seeking a new job unsuccessfully in her same city for a period of time, she decided to move back to our home town for a while where we grew up and live with her mom until she found another job. I was able to go and help her move home. It was nice to be there for her during this rough time.

I was still climbing out of my financial mess at that time and decided to move back to our home town temporarily as well.

This seemed like the perfect opportunity for us to FINALLY be together and start our life together.

It was great in the beginning. We FINALLY got to go on real dates with each other and see each other all the time. It was the relationship we had both been needing from each other for 3 years! The problem was we were BOTH still going through our own financial difficulties and BOTH trying to get back on our feet again so we were never able to completely focus on each other.

She was still a very jealous and distrusting person and would accuse me of looking at other women while we were out on a date. This was absurd to me and angered me each time I was accused.

The straw that broke the camels back was one night when we were out together and waiting to be seated at a restaurant, she accused me of looking at another woman’s butt. To this day, I still have NO idea who she was talking about, but we got in a HUGE fight about it. It was ridiculous and COMPLETELY unnecessary.

Shortly after that night, she accepted a new job in another city and moved away. We talked on the phone before she left and had another fight and she told me she hated me and never wanted to talk to me again. (She has never been the same since.) I didn’t even do anything wrong!!????????? I really didn’t.

We eventually spoke again and made up, and maintained our love for each other but I could tell our relationship had changed.

She suddenly became very hard to get a hold of and was always busy with her new job claiming she was the only manager and had to work every single day, long hours, etc. There were days we didn’t talk at all and would just MAYBE exchange a quick text message with each other.

I became extremely frustrated with our new relationship status and wondered why she never wanted to talk to me. Then one day, she sent me a text message that said, “I think we need some time apart”. Obviously, we were living in different cities again so time apart actually meant no talking, a break up. It was extremely difficult for me, but what could I do? I gave her, her space.

For the first time, I started feeling like her heart wasn’t in this anymore. After all we’d been through…I thought we could survive anything. How many other people do you know who survive a 3 year long distance relationship?

She had been so disappointed that I had never even gave her a ring or anything in the past to symbolize my love and dedication to her. I was in COMPLETE financial ruin and didn’t even have the means to go visit her, and she knew this. I eventually was forced to file for bankruptcy.

I was slowly recovering financially and I decided TWICE to go and surprise her in her new city. During this time, we were talking again and she still claimed to love me with all her heart, she just needed to “focus on her job and not be stressed about us”. The reception was luke warm at best both times I visited. This was also the first time she had ever sexually rejected me. We did have sex while I was there, but it was rushed and felt awkward and not passionate at all on her end. The second time I went, I actually had enough money at the time and brought her a ring. Not to ask her to marry me (yet), but just to symbolize my love and dedication for her. I felt that’s what she needed from me. When I presented it to her, she teared up, but quickly gathered herself and didn’t even want to see it. She did not accept it, or ever even look at it.

I eventually got back on my feet again financially and decided to leave our home town and move back to the city I had been living in before (all of my possessions were still there), which was again, almost on the opposite side of the country from her. She was the one that wanted time apart and she never asked me to move to her new city, so I didn’t. I felt she didn’t really want me there at that time anyway. We kind of maintained the same relationship we had been in. Talking occasionally, texting, etc.

I began pouring my heart out to her telling her in emails how I felt about her, the kind of life I wanted to live with her, that she was the only one for me, I was tired of not getting things right between us, etc. I was VERY CLEAR. I told her, “if you don’t want the EXACT same things as me, tell me and let me go”. She never did. So, I believed she wanted the same things.

Her answer was always, “I’m just going through a rough time, I just need some time, I gave you time (3 years), you can’t do the same for me? I love you with all my heart. We are together forever. Believe in me and us.”

So I did.

I knew though that the only way we had a chance was if I moved to her city. We couldn’t do the long distance thing anymore. So, I told her my idea. She told me to move for myself and not for her. I said why else would I move there if not for you? I didn’t even want to live in that city and she knew it.

Regardless, I moved there in May of 2009, and we began our relationship again. It started out nice and again, she maintained her love and devotion to me, but I could tell that I was not a priority in her life and that she didn’t feel the same way she used to feel about me.

In the past, when we saw each other, we had sex EVERY DAY, sometimes multiple times a day. Now, most times we saw each other, we did not have sex AT ALL. And there were many days we didn’t even see each other.

Things had definitely changed between us and I knew it. Again, I began pouring my heart out to her in emails telling her how I felt about her, how much I loved her, how much I finally wanted to get things right between us after all these years and I said if you don’t feel the EXACT same way about me, tell me, and let me go. Just be honest with me. She never did.

She would tell me that she was terrified of me, terrified I would break her heart AGAIN. That we just needed to take things slow and not rush into a full blown relationship again. Her heart had been broken into pieces over and over and she couldn’t go through that again. Throughout our relationship since it began in 2005, she always made it PERFECTLY clear how deep her love was for me, but she also made me out to be such a bad guy, a cheater, a liar, a guy who had already been married, etc. I constantly had to defend myself for things I did not do and that was the root of all of our disagreements and fights.

She frequently seemed bothered by me now when I would ask her what her heart was feeling and would answer “I LOVE YOU!!!” in a text or email as if to say “SHUT UP!” I was not trying to smother her, I gave her space, and I wasn’t trying to rush anything. I just wanted to know we BOTH still wanted the same things. And if she didn’t, I wanted her to be honest with me.

As the world knows, in June of 2009 Michael Jackson died unexpectedly. She took this news VERY hard, as if a family member had died.

I knew she was a big fan of MJ, but rarely if ever, did he come up AT ALL in conversations during the course of the previous 4 years. She just seemed like a normal fan until he died. Then, when he died, she probably spent the first week after his death watching CNN and other news coverage almost 24 hours a day. Her whole life became about MJ.

I loved her with all my heart and was trying to be supportive. I helped her set up a blog and a Twitter profile about MJ. She told me this was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her.

Over the course of the next 3 months, I tried everything I could to win her heart back the way she used to feel about me. Nothing worked. We still said “I love you” everyday, we still OCCASIONALLY had sex, but I knew her heart wasn’t into it anymore.

When I would confront her about it, she would tell me “I told you we needed to take things slow, the whole lovey dovey thing just wasn’t there.” Those were very hurtful words to me. I made it clear SO MANY TIMES exactly how I felt about her, exactly what life I wanted to live with her and said if you don’t want the same, tell me and let me go! She never did.

This began a whole series of emails to each other. I was still trying to win her heart back daily and still trying to get the truth about her feelings for me to come out. I tried to bring romance back, I offered to pay for couples counseling, I did EVERYTHING I could to try to win her heart back.

This pattern continued through August.

I would invite her out somewhere so we could discuss what was happening between us and try to work things out. There was usually a reason why she couldn’t do it. But, one night when we did go out with each other, she ONCE AGAIN accused me of looking at other girls while we were having dinner. That night ended very bad and when we got back to my apartment, she tried to slap me. Again, another ridiculous accusation that really angered me and I said some mean things that night.

At the end of August, I made a decision to leave that city and again move back to my original city I had been living in before.

She tried, very unconvincingly to talk me into staying (I’m not sure why), but things were not working out as I had hoped and I left. At this time, I still stubbornly believed we were meant to be together and that everything would work out in time and I loved her with all my heart, but I tried everything I could while I was there and nothing worked so I felt I had no more options. Time would tell…

Over the next several months, we rarely talked. Occasionally I would get a text message from her asking me for a picture of her that she had once emailed me, she asked if I could be a personal reference for a potential job, etc. Nothing about us, just non-related things.

In November of 2009, I sent her a VERY LONG email pouring my heart out to her YET AGAIN, quoting past things she said she felt for me, reminding her of songs she dedicated to me, reminding her of all the reasons she said she loved me and that I was THE ONE, but telling her that all I’ve felt from her is indifference over the last year and yet she still claimed to love me with all her heart. Her VERY BRIEF response was she was under the impression we were no longer in a relationship when I left that city. As if that’s the reason things didn’t work out. ??? She said that she had told me to take things slow and just be close friends, that the whole lovey dovey thing just wasn’t there. (Yet she still told me “I love you” all the time, and still had sex with me occasionally. Not exactly a “friend” relationship.)

She also told me that, yes, she LOVES Michael Jackson with ALL HER HEART and she doesn’t care about anything or anyone else. (That was VERY rough to hear.)

Yet, in another email, she told me, by the way, I do still love you. I wouldn’t react this way if I didn’t. ?????????????????

In December of 2009, I sent her an email asking if she could just be straight with me and tell me once and for all what she feels for me. She called me and we spoke. She said she couldn’t be with someone she wasn’t “in love” with and not attracted to. She told me “the real me” ruined it. ???????????? I was EXTREMELY HURT by what she said and we got in an argument and she ended up hanging up on me.

I did not try to call her back, but that night I wrote her a very mean email insulting her and also reminding her of all the conflicting messages she had been giving me for the last year and asking why she just wasn’t straight with me a long time ago. I knew her heart wasn’t in it anymore, but she lied about her feelings for over a year.

She told me she never lied, that she was always honest about how she felt and that I had no reason to be angry. It was my decision to leave so it was my decision to end the relationship. ???????????????????

Through March of 2010, I OCCASIONALLY tried to connect with her and look for ANY sign that she still had feelings for me. I was not harassing her or smothering her in ANY way. She would never answer my phone calls and would respond very negatively and cold to me through text messages. I finally gave up and have not contacted her since then.

I still occasionally monitor her blog and Twitter profile about Michael Jackson and she has basically given and devoted her life to him. She tweets MJ quotes daily, she provides links to stories about him, she expresses her TOTAL LOVE AND DEDICATION to him daily, she tweets regular counts of how many days that he’s been gone from the earth, she says she still cries every day, she demands justice for his death, she plans trips for MJ related events around the country, she tweets as if she’s talking to him, “Michael, I love you more everyday” etc. etc. etc. Her life COMPLETELY revolves around Michael Jackson stuff now. It’s as if I never existed. As if all the things she ever said she felt about me never existed. It was always all about Michael Jackson. She now refers to him as “the love of her life”. She says he has ALWAYS been the love of her life.

The strange thing is, I NEVER saw this side of her while he was alive. She never brought him up EVER!

Why would she have even needed me in her life if MJ was always the love of her life? Why did this info never come up before?

She used to tell me I was the love of her life, that I had a profound effect on her. She told me that she had always loved me and that once she loves something or someone, she loves them forever. And I believed her. I felt how strong her love was for me. I completely believed she felt that way about me. I would have bet my life on it. Now, it’s like that never existed. Like it was a dream I had.

I still believe there should only be ONE true love of your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t love again, but there’s the ONE love that affects you so profoundly, nothing else comes close. She was that for me. I thought I was that for her.

I was willing to do ANYTHING to get things right between us and she knew this. I’m still willing because all the things I told her about how I felt were real, and I thought her feelings were real too.

I have not contacted her for months, and have no intentions of doing so. But, I can’t get her out of my mind. I still think about her daily. I still dream about her. She’s the ONLY woman I’ve ever imagined having babies and growing old with. My heart is still stuck on her and there’s a part of me that still believes deep down she still loves me. That all of this Michael Jackson stuff is just a safe place to hide.

Why would we go through all these years for it to end like this? I just don’t understand.

I know this is a VERY LONG story (I told you it would be 🙂 but if you have read to the end, THANK YOU and I would LOVE your feedback about all this.

I GENUINELY love this girl and I would have loved her faithfully for the rest of her life. I don’t understand why we went through all we did for her to just give up so easily in the end, with no effort, lie about her feelings, string me along for over a year, and then just claim her heart always belonged to Michael Jackson anyway. It just doesn’t make sense.

I don’t expect anything to ever work out between us now, and I’m not holding my breath, but there’s still hope in my heart that one day she’ll wake up.

Am I crazy? Is she crazy? Are we both crazy?

[April Masini]

Buckle up because this is going to sound a little tough!

You need to get a grip. This woman isn’t replacing you with Michael Jackson. You’re just looking for a reason to explain why she doesn’t want you. And regardless of what her reason is (because that’s something only she can know for sure), this is a woman who’s never married or been engaged and she’s about 40 from what I can tell of your post. There’s a reason she hasn’t been in a relationship that worked out and it isn’t Michael Jackson and it isn’t because she’s been holding a candle for you all these years. I can’t tell you what it is because I don’t know her, but I can tell you she’s not capable of being in a REAL relationship and she’s not interested in being in a relationship with you.

I’m sorry about that because I know you think you love her. 😳

The problem with relationships that started in high school and then rekindle after one of you (you in this case) has had a marriage that ended in divorce, and many years in between, is that the people you once were are not necessarily the people you are now. What you loved about her in high school is one thing, but now, she’s someone different.

What’s of concern is that you’re investing SO MANY YEARS in a relationship that clearly isn’t going to work. You keep pouring your heart out to her as if that’s going to make her be someone different and you keep clinging to past promises and experiences that aren’t part of either yours or her present. Your relationship has disintegrated into her slapping you at a recent reunion. 🙁 And yet, you’re still looking for a shred to hold onto.

My advice to you is to accept that this didn’t work out and she’s not stable enough for you to be in a relationship with. Get your own act together — get your finances in order and your career back on track, and then start dating women who want to be in relationship with you and are available (preferably not long distance) and compatible. Find a woman who has what I like to call “matching luggage” in the life experience department — everyone has baggage, but finding a woman with compatible baggage is easier on the relationship. You might do better with someone who’s had a failed marriage like you did or at least more experience in successful relationships (if only for a few years).

I hope this advice helps you and that you can find some peace and happiness in your next relationship.

Check out my Facebook page, AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url] and become a FREE member of my site there. 😀

[Daddy Kitty]

Hi April,

Thanks so much for your input.

I hear what you’re saying and I know I have to completely let her go (and I have for the most part) and I do know now that she is not capable of being in a REAL relationship, as you said. It’s ironic because that’s what she accused me of in the past. In fact as it turns out, many of the things she accused me of being/doing have become self fulfilled prophecies for her. (I don’t know if she’s ever cheated on me, but maybe.)

Just to correct a couple things you commented on…we weren’t really basing anything in our relationship from the high school thing that happened 20 years ago. We dated very briefly in high school and never REALLY got to know each other, and it wasn’t a bad breakup or anything like that. So, there wasn’t this expectation of us being the same people we were in high school and then being let down. We were in essence getting to know each other for the first time with a connection from 20 years ago that just added nostalgia and intrigue.

Also, that night we had a fight, she didn’t actually slap me. I wanted to clarify that. She swung, missed, and that was the end of it. Things have never turned violent between us before or since then. I’m not a violent person, and I don’t believe she is either.

The only reason I put SO MANY YEARS into this was because I believed it was something VERY special. As I mentioned before, I feel there’s that ONE LOVE in your life that rocks you to the core and has a PROFOUND effect on your soul. And she was that for me. And she told me MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY times, that I was that for her, so I believed her. And because she kept stringing me along, telling me she loved me with all her heart, that we were together forever, etc., I believed, and I hung on. Why would I not if I felt that way and I believed her when she said she did to?

What are your thoughts about that? Why would she keep me believing for so long, telling me the things I wanted to hear, not letting me go when I asked her to let me go if she didn’t feel the EXACT same way as me anymore?

I know it’s my fault for sticking around as long as I did when I KNEW her heart wasn’t in it anymore, but why would she not get out when I asked her to very bluntly? Why would she stick around? Convenience? It’s not like she was getting anything out of it…

I know I can’t blame Michael Jackson for all this, but what are your thoughts about her MJ FIXATION now? And why did it never show up before if she claims he’s been the “love of her life” all along? Why did she EVER even need me in her life?

I know there is someone out there who will love me for real like I believed she did, I’m just left with so many questions and no peace in my heart about all this.

[April Masini]

Actions speak louder than words, and if you focus on her actions, not on her words, you’ll see very clearly that she’s not interested. 😳

You’re continuing to pose questions that distract you from the cold truth that it’s time for you to move on from someone who doesn’t want to be with you so you can find someone who does.

When you do, you’ll be a lot happier and healthier. I wish you luck! 🙂

[Daddy Kitty]

Point taken and I have moved on…

I don’t expect anything further from her. It’s over, I know.

However, I would still appreciate getting your input as to why you believe someone would say one thing about how they feel for a LONG TIME, and flat out lie about their true feelings. What’s in it for them? Why wouldn’t they just be honest, and move on? I had to be the one to FORCE IT out of her. If I hadn’t, we might still be just going through the motions because she just let it ride. Why?

Seems cruel and CRAZY.

[April Masini]

It’s usually not intentional for someone to say one thing and mean another. It’s either a lack of self awareness or a disconnect between who they want to be and who they are.

Lots of men and women walk around with tons of bravado, but when push comes to shove, they’re pussy cats! Another example is people who say, I always tell the truth. I’m a very honest person. And then they go home and lie to someone close to them. That is an example of their wanting to be honest, but not quite being able to activate the qualities in themselves that they want to have and be.

I think this woman you’ve been involved with wasn’t as vertically integrated as someone who is more evolved. You can do better for yourself by choosing someone who’s a little more in touch with themselves and honest about who they REALLY are.

I hope that helps. And I hope I’ll see you on Facebook! Check out my AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url]. 😀

[Daddy Kitty]

April,

What are your thoughts about the whole Michael Jackson thing? Of course I wasn’t “replaced” by him, but do you believe it’s healthy and/or normal for a 40 year old woman to be carrying on this way and devoting her life to a pop star…a deceased one at that? To me, it’s creepy, strange, shallow and imaginary, but to her, it’s completely real. 😯

[April Masini]

I’m less concerned with her obsession about Michael Jackson than I am with [i]yours for her![/i] 😮 Let her go. Stop writing and talking about her. Don’t worry who or what she’s obsessed with or what she’s doing. YOU move on to have a healthy life or your own. 🙂

[Daddy Kitty]

Hi April,

I greatly appreciate all of your valuable insight and advice to me.

However, would you please just humor me and just for the sake of discussion, help me understand why someone…ANYONE, would proclaim their love to a public figure whom they’ve never met, put this person above all others in their REAL life, idolize them, mourn over their death for months on end, devote their life to them, etc. etc. etc.

To me, it’s like falling in love with a fictional character (even if it’s a real human being) and pretending fiction is reality. All you know is the character, or the public persona of this person. REGARDLESS of what the media tells you, or what you THINK you know about them, you don’t know them intimately, you don’t know their faults, their weaknesses, their demons, etc. You don’t TRULY know them, and to “fall in love” with this person seems very childlike or reckless, AT BEST.

Look, I know this girl is gone, I GET IT, she didn’t have feelings for me as I thought she did, her “love” wasn’t real, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to learn from this experience and try to understand the WHY behind it. For me, it’s part of the healing and moving on process. Even if I was already in love with someone else, I would still want to understand this better regardless.

Is her behavior common? Is it perfectly normal and healthy? Is it disturbing?

Psychologically, what are your thoughts about this?

[bella1979]

I get you Daddy Kitty! It’s all good and well to say move on, get over it etc etc but sometimes we need to know WHY things happen so we can learn and grow from them and not make the same mistake again. After reading your posts I can only give you my opinion and remember it is only an opinion. To me, her behaviour sounds disturbing. She is obviously hiding behind this MJ thing and I believe there is a deeper issue at hand but unfortunately I can not tell you what that reason is because quite simply I do not know. I understand with my entire being that you need answers but unfortunately sometimes we just won’t ever get the answers and we have to find the peace of mind to move forward.

I would try to just ask her what her obsession with MJ is but if that’s not an option … it may be time to move on without those answers you seek. Probably not what you wanted to hear but I’ve recently had my fair share of not getting answers from someone i deeply care about, and believe me, it’s not worth the time wasted because you can never get that time back. I had a young man pass away tonight whilst trying to resuscitate him, and it made me realise how unimportant some of the stuff I’ve worried about recently really is. When you witness something like I did tonight … makes you understand how truly lucky we really are to just simply be alive. Suddenly I no longer care about the answers because the truth is it doesn’t matter. You can’t change what’s happened … you can only work on changing how you feel about it.

[April Masini]

People devote their lives to other people and causes all the time. This happens in politics, in myriad careers, in religion, and sometimes the person who is adored is a political candidate, a religious icon, an entertainment star or rock band or someone else. Read the paper and you’ll see that folks are very often looking for someone to follow — without knowing everything about them, their views, their personal lives, etc. It’s historical, and if what you’ve posted about your girlfriend is true, she’s just one of thousands of people who’ve become devoted to an icon post mortem.

I hope that helps you get on with your own life and let go of your obsession with her. 🙂

[Daddy Kitty]

Hi bella1979,

First of all, I’m terribly sorry you had to experience the situation you described with the young man. That must have been incredibly difficult, and you’re right, life is precious, life is short, and you don’t know what tomorrow brings, and sometimes you never get the answers you seek…and that may be the case for me.

Nevertheless, thank you for your kind words and for understanding how important it is to know the WHY behind people’s actions. Sometimes knowing the WHY behind people’s actions can prevent situations from ever happening. I believe the root of MOST of my problems with this girl was not knowing the WHY behind each other’s actions, and not communicating. SO many situations and difficulties between us could have been prevented and resolved had we only communicated better. Maybe the outcome would have still been the same, but at least we would have had a more peaceful resolution and maybe not dragged this on for years if she really didn’t believe I was a fit for her. (She never admitted that until AFTER I decided to leave.) I do believe most of her “reasoning” for why she no longer wants to be with me is due to her inaccurate beliefs about who I am and her unwillingness to communicate and resolve our differences. She GROSSLY misjudged me, but what can I do that hasn’t already been done? NOTHING.

And I did try to question the whole MJ thing. Believe me, I NEVER saw it coming! There was NO evidence of this complete infatuation with him for the entire time we were together before he died. Her response (in emails) was that she had always felt this way about him and she would end her emails with quotes that MJ had said like, “Love Lives Forever! L.O.V.E.” Of course that was directed to MJ, and not to me. 🙂 It was all very strange… And I do know for a fact because of what she says on her Twitter profile that she is in Los Angeles right now as I write this, because of the anniversary of MJ’s death, taking tours of MJ related things, etc. It’s just very disturbing to me.

Hi April,

It seems as though you don’t want to take a stand on this issue, so I will share MY opinion…(it’s just my opinion) 😉

You are right. There are thousands, maybe MILLIONS of people out there who are looking for someone to FOLLOW, whom they devote their lives to. Just because there are many many people out there who do this, it doesn’t make them right or psychologically stable.

And yes, it can be argued that MJ did some very worthwhile things, but his estate was also $500 MILLION dollars in debt mainly because of his lavish spending on himself! But, that’s irrelevant.

I admire and have great respect for people who devote themselves completely to a worthwhile cause or person who is trying to do good for humanity, whether it’s politics, religion, saving the earth, or whatever.

But there is a distinct difference between that and idolatry, infatuation, and superficial “love”.

You may think I’m obsessed or infatuated with her, but I’m not. I loved her deeply, yes. But, I’m just trying to come to terms with how our relationship ended and learn from it so I can heal and move on. Believe me, it’s therapeutic just to get these feelings out here.

I “think” it would have been easier to move on had I known she just found someone else in her life (a real person whom she was having a REAL relationship with and they were just more compatible with each other). Knowing that she is directing all of her heart and emotions to someone who will never PERSONALLY love her in return, makes me sad for her and sad for me because I know there is no reasoning with a person like this. Had she just found another guy to be in a relationship with, she would realize NOBODY is perfect, we all make mistakes, and forgiveness is a virtue, but to be “in love” with a dead famous person, means they can never do wrong in your eyes, and they will remain perfect in your mind forever.

There are MANY famous people I admire and feel a strong connection with their PUBLIC PERSONA, but I would NEVER create a faux “relationship” out of my feelings for them, and I would NEVER put those feelings above the feelings I have for the REAL people in my life. I can distinguish between the two and I KNOW what’s more important! That’s the difference!

[April Masini]

Let go of your failed relationship and move on to find a better one. Try spending all this energy on people who need your help by volunteering with veterans back from overseas deployment who need support, or people who have cancer and are sick. You’ll find that you’re appreciated and needed there. Hopefully that will help get you out of this rut. 🙂

[Anonymous]

You wrote the same thing I was already thinking too about her infatuation with MJ. He’s a dead man who can do no wrong, a perfect man in her eyes probably. Obviously she must of had some bad experiences, as she even said she did, and she is scared of being let down and hurt, so the coward way of doing things is to avoid relationships, putting up walls around your heart. After every way you tried to convince her, she refuses to let go and believe or to take a chance. She is deeply rooted it seems. The jealousy and mistrust overtakes her. It’s hard living in this world sometimes because it’s an imperfect one and that causes fear in people.

[Daddy Kitty]

Thanks for taking a stand on the issue April. (You didn’t have to agree with me. In fact, you could have completely disagreed with me.) A person seeking closure doesn’t usually find it by flying kites and chasing rainbows 😉 , and while volunteering is GREAT advice, it doesn’t help me to heal the wounds and move forward. But, thanks.

I came here to discuss how I’m feeling, get those feelings out, and heal, so I can move on and “let go”.

Hi enquirer,

You’re right. I will NEVER compete with a dead man who is PERFECT in her mind and whom she places in her heart above all others now. She doesn’t realize having this kind of “love”, that MJ can’t take care of her when she’s sick, MJ can’t surprise her on her birthday, MJ can’t listen to her and respond when she needs someone to listen, MJ can’t love her in return and grow old with her, etc. It’s safe, but it’s empty…

I do believe she has had some bad experiences in her life and that is what shaped who she is today. It is much easier to love a dead person from afar (even if it’s one sided) because they will never cheat on you, never break your heart, etc. I know it’s fear in her heart that makes her completely closed now to any REAL relationship (or at least one with me). But life is risk right? And you can either risk getting hurt, or never experience the INCREDIBLE JOY of deep reciprocal love.

Unfortunately for me, she came into my life at the worst possible time, when I was going through VERY HARD TIMES, and it affected who I was. For 3 years, she stuck by my side and maintained her feelings for me and even believed my feelings for her weren’t as strong as hers for me. I believed she saw past all of my shortcomings and faults. She saw me at my ABSOLUTE worst and she proclaimed her love regardless. She knew the real me, and she accepted it. I’m not perfect, I have MANY faults, but I am a good person, and I have a good heart, and a loyal heart and I would have loved her all the days of my life, and in the end, she threw me in the trash without a second thought. I never knew it was so easy to let go of someone who you claimed for years was the “love of your life”. Obviously, it’s not that easy for me…

Thanks for your thoughts enquirer. 🙂

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