Revealing my hearing loss

[relationshipa1]

Hey guys, first time poster. I have a question to ask you guys.

I’m a 26 year old single guy and I recently have been trying to meet women through online dating. I am 26, handsome, thin, and a nice guy. I am an attorney and I have a lot of good friends. I also dress well and practice good hygiene. When I first meet a woman, I’m very conscious about those sort of things, making a good impression, dressing nicely, and treating her with respect. I treat her to drinks and try to have an even two way conversation with her doing more of the talking.

My only “drawback”? I am hearing impaired. I have loss of hearing in both years from when I was born. Aside from wearing a hearing aid, there is nothing “different” about me. I do not know sign language. I speak clearly and interact with people just like anyone else. I use a telephone and carry a cell phone with me (although I sometimes have difficulty using the phone, but I text a lot). I attended public school, graduated college, and law school. None of my friends are hearing impaired and heck, we make jokes about my hearing aids every now and then. I can poke fun at myself like that and my friends love me for it.

Yet, I feel my hearing aid is causing me to have more difficulty in meeting women. Sometimes women (and people in general) can be ignorant and not realize that I’m just like anyone else and my main “flaw” is that my hearing is not 100% perfect. I don’t address my hearing loss in my online profile and in my pictures, as you really can’t see my hearing aid in my pictures. Yet, I’m apprehensive when I meet a woman in person for the first time as to how she will react. I’ve had dates where a woman was obviously uncomfortable and it ended after just half an hour. After all, how could I be interested in dating someone who is not open minded like that? The kicker is that one of the girls who reacted negatively was in school to become a speech pathologist. Surely her clients will be hearing impaired children who need help in learning how to speak!

There’s 2 schools of thoughts:

1. Don’t say anything. I meet the woman online, ask her to a date, she sees my hearing aid and that’s that. Quickly, she’ll realize that there is nothing wrong with my speech, that I can hear almost perfectly with the hearing aid, that I can carry a conversation, and I can be pretty funny once I get past my initial nervousness of a first date. If it bothers her, then that’s her problem and not mine. But still, it’s discouraging when something like that happens and it makes me feel like crap (even though it’s her that’s in the wrong and not me).

2. After talking with the woman online and asking her out, confiding in her that I have a hearing loss so she is not “surprised” by my hearing aid. I did this once and after that, the woman became very fluky about meeting up. She asked to change the day of our date and then pushed it back again and then stopped responding to me. The only problem I have with letting the woman know before hand is that she might think that I am one of those hearing impaired people who can converse only by sign language or my speech is guttural-like. That maybe because of my hearing loss, I’m not intelligent or I can’t carry a conversation. I’m not a fan of this approach. I feel that if I bring up my hearing loss, I bring attention to it, and she might think it’s a big deal when it’s really not. After all, it must have been a big deal if I had to bring it up.

Unfortunately, people don’t always look at a hearing aid and dismiss it as “not a big deal.” I like to think that we live in a more understanding world than 10 or 20 years ago. There has to be women out there whom I’m a match for that won’t care what’s in my ears. In fact, my current hearing aid is old and I’ve been looking for new ones, which should be much smaller/less visible, so at least I have that going for me. But it’ll be a while before I get a new (and smaller) hearing aid.

Advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Last night, I struck up conversation with a girl through an online dating site. The initial conversation was pleasant and humorous and I hope to speak to her again soon. With some luck, I’ll have a date with her shortly and then my apprehension about meeting her and my hearing loss comes up again…

[NewYorkGuy11]

April, I would appreciate any advice you may have. Thank you.

[poohsplus3]

Hi. My Mom and Dad always laugh about their first date. She said he was the best listener. She found out at the end of the date that he wore hearing aids. He was embarrassed so he didn’t wear them that night. He just listened to her and smiled. She fell in love instantly. Love at first silent sight. 😮) If you really want to find that special someone, that should not be an issue. Tell them. If they are worth it, it shouldn’t get in the way. Good luck!

[April Masini]

Everybody’s got something. I get lots of e-mails from readers who are concerned about how a date will react to their: (Choose one of the following) a) Small chest, b) height, c) weight, d) big nose, e) ethnicity, f) religion — and the list goes on. So the more you date, the more you’re going to realize that your hearing loss is just your thing, and your date is going to have her thing she’s uncomfortable about, too.

In order to alleviate your anxiety about what a date who meets you on line before meeting in person will think of your hearing aid, the easiest way to solve that problem is disclose the information up front! I’d disclose it to an online potential date the same way you did in your e-mail to me. Tell them all your assets, and mention that you wear a hearing aid for an audio loss, but that you don’t sign, you function just fine, but if she ever complains that as a boyfriend you don’t listen to her, it may be because you didn’t hear her!

When you hide something from someone, and you’re basically an honest person, you’re going to have feelings of anxiety until the hidden information is disclosed, so solve your problem simply, by mentioning it, honestly, up front.

[Anonymous]

I like a guy who has hearing aids in both ears and he doesn’t like me at all. I feel terrible because no guys ever like me!!

[kai]

hi natilie55, i felt so bad when i read your post… 🙁

why not ask april for some advice about this? ❓ ❓ ❓ HOWEVER please do it in the Q & A section, not the welcome section. april doesn’t answer questions posted in the welcome area.

you know, there’s also another girl on this forum called “katdawg” whose been responding to questions too and april seems to think her advice has been really good. maybe ask both april and katdawg and then you’ll definitely get an answer… 😀

[April Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you…. 😀

[Author]

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