It sounds like you’re both unhappy with the structure of the relationship. You don’t like the fact that she’s out at bars, possibly flirting and maybe even hooking up, dating or meeting someone new. You also don’t like the fact that you can’t protect her if something untoward happens to her, because you’re 2000 miles away. That all makes sense and I completely understand where you’re coming from. As for her, it sounds like she doesn’t like this long distance part of the relationship and either she’s acting out or she’s trying to make a new life for herself since you’re so far away. Would it be great if she focused on work, her friends and family rather than bars and parties? Yes. But, I’m not going to judge either one of you. Let’s just solve this.
Long distance is very difficult in relationships. To make it work, you have to let a lot go. You can’t expect the same behaviors that you would if you were in the same town. I know this is hard, but it’s what people who make long distance relationships work, do when they’re not on the same page about the distance. You also have to practice a little “don’t ask, don’t tell,” because of the distance over the long term.
If that doesn’t resonate for you… and you really think that she’s behaving badly because she’s unhappy that you’re away, consider the long distance part of the relationship. Do you have an end date for the long distance part? If not, make one! You mentioned she’s your fiancee — is there a wedding date? If not, get one! Maybe you can move these dates up to make the relationship feel more of a priority to her. In addition, try to make sure you can see each other regularly for weekends or longer. Every two weeks would be ideal, and not just to practice romance and show your passion — but to show your commitment to the relationship.
Hope that helps!
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