sex and relationships

[clubgirl]

Ok I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year.. he’s 25 and I’m 22.. We have been very serious talked about marriage and are so very in love.. It’s something neither one of us has ever felt before.. in the beginning I was very shy about sex because I haven’t been very experienced with it or really cared for it much..
However, as time went along and my boyfriend and I got closer I wanted to have sex with him more and more.. Now we only have sex like once or twice a week and I know he isn’t cheating and there aren’t really any problems in our relationship so I’m not sure what to think.. We both live at home with our parents so it’s hard to get privacy so when we do have sex it’s car sex.. and if one of our families is out of town and we sleep together we of course have sex even if it’s 4 days in a row.. but now I feel so weird because I don’t like to be the one initiating it. and people have told me it’s ok because he sees you at a different level then just sex your connection is not based on sex.. yet I don’t want to feel like he just watches porn and masturbates and I have mentioned it to him before.. I asked why we don’t have it as much and he said if you want to we can have it morning day and night and I said that’s not the point! he said it’s because in the beginning he kept pushing and pushing for it and I wasn’t up for experimenting.. and I told him to drop that feeling because now I am yet he said it’s hard to forget that feeling.. so what do I do? I don’t think it’s really ruining our relationship beacuse we really are happy.. and I can imagine that when we do get married our sex can be amazing.. he enjoys the sex when we do have it so I don’t know??

[April Masini]

One of the biggest problems you and your boyfriend of a year seem to have is that all your sex is in cars because neither one of you have your own place! This would be a damper for anyone. In fact, the fact that you are having [i]car sex[/i] twice a week for almost a year now is pretty impressive.

The best way to fix your problem is for you both to get your own places. Unless there are unusual circumstances, you should not be living with your parents at your ages. Find a way to get your own places either on your own or with same sex roommates, and I bet your sex life problems will disappear.

[Anonymous]

Well getting our own places isn’t an option though..
We also have sex when I close my business at night.. I have a mattress at the place.. but someone explained to me that it’s also not the same..
so I’m not really sure what to do? I don’t know if I should just drop the sex subject since a bed is not feasible or what to do?
Is it something worth breaking up over? when nothing else in the relationship is bad and I feeel that he reallly wants me like by the way he kisses me touches me everything?

Also, do you think it’s unhealthy to constantly be with that person? because I’m starting to feel like we need to miss each other we see each other everyday for like 6+ hours.. and I know it’s supposed to be a good thing cuz it means we don’t get sick of each toher.. But I feel like it opens the door for more stupid problems or little fights.. We haven’t fought over something in about a month and I’ve pretty much fought about EVERYTHING in the relationship and gotten my way.. he was talking to his ex and I made him change his number so she would never bother him again.. and he doesn’t see my point of view in everything but from the beginning of the relationship to now he has improved significantly in communicating with me and keeping the relationship together..
and like I said we are pretty sure that we want to marry each other but who knows what can happen in the next two years he wants to get settled first with a job and stuff..
?

[clubgirl]

Well getting our own places isn’t an option though..
We also have sex when I close my business at night.. I have a mattress at the place.. but someone explained to me that it’s also not the same..
so I’m not really sure what to do? I don’t know if I should just drop the sex subject since a bed is not feasible or what to do?
Is it something worth breaking up over? when nothing else in the relationship is bad and I feeel that he reallly wants me like by the way he kisses me touches me everything?

Also, do you think it’s unhealthy to constantly be with that person? because I’m starting to feel like we need to miss each other we see each other everyday for like 6+ hours.. and I know it’s supposed to be a good thing cuz it means we don’t get sick of each toher.. But I feel like it opens the door for more stupid problems or little fights.. We haven’t fought over something in about a month and I’ve pretty much fought about EVERYTHING in the relationship and gotten my way.. he was talking to his ex and I made him change his number so she would never bother him again.. and he doesn’t see my point of view in everything but from the beginning of the relationship to now he has improved significantly in communicating with me and keeping the relationship together..
and like I said we are pretty sure that we want to marry each other but who knows what can happen in the next two years he wants to get settled first with a job and stuff..
?

[April Masini]

You’re not going to like what I have to say, but here it is, anyway:

If your 25 year old boyfriend still lives with his parents, doesn’t have a job, and for a year now has been having sex with you only in cars or on a mattress at your workplace after it closes — this is not a relationship bound for success. In addition to which, if as you’ve written, you’ve “MADE HIM” change his phone number so his ex-girlfriend wouldn’t call him… 😯 …and now you’re wondering if spending six hours a day together is too much — when the frequency of sex is diminishing, you’re not seeing the big picture.

Your first priority at age 22 should be moving out of your house and living on your own. Having sex at your workplace after hours on any kind of regular or even irregular basis is not a good idea. Dating a 25 year old man without a job who lives with his parents — and who has to be “made” to change his number to stop his communication with his ex, is asking to take on the parental role in his life.

Focus on your real problems, and don’t distract yourself with these derivative ones. You need a man who is ready to be a grown up — and at 25 that means having a job and living on his own (or with roommates who are his peers).

[clubgirl]

No I agree with what you’re saying and that’s why it’s hard to reach out for advice but there’s a lot offff background into it.. the way I made it sound is like he is a low life but he really isn’t lol.. and I’m not just saying that because I’m a pretty strong, independent girl.. I don’t want to move out until I get married because that’s a choice I have..

Secondly, we’ve had sex in beds plenty of times but when one of our families is out of town and at one point his family was gone every weekend..
but I still don’t see sex diminishing as such a horrible thing? only because nothing else in the relationship is going wrong? and that’s what I’m trying to understand.. and it’s not one of those “oh you think nothing else is bad” but it’s the truth we’re very open and he will tell me the truth even if it’s going to hurt..
Also, he told me he would change his number so that I’d believe that he doesn’t ever wanna talk to her again cuz she wasn’t getting the point and I was soo frustrated that he said I’ll change my number, and at that point I pretty much said if he didn’t then it wouldn’t work out.. and things have been absolutely amazing since then which it’s been about 9 months since he changed the number..

but, I definitely do agree with you and the whole “parenting” thing because sometimes I feel like I’m taking care of him and I don’t want that but it would be different if he wasn’t doing anything with his life.. but since he is in school and is studying for a GREAT career I’m not too worried.. he just had a set back nothing too bad..
but I definitely agree with the 25 year old not having a job sounds absolutely horrible! and I don’t know ANY other girls who would deal with it.. but he’s just such an AMAZING guy and I definitely KNOW I’m going to marry him..

[April Masini]

I didn’t know until your last post that your boyfriend was in school. If he’s in college and studying for a career that will support himself and you or whatever woman he chooses to be with, then that’s a different ball game than what you first wrote me.

However, it seems that through posting here, you’ve worked your own problem out 😀 and have decided that your diminishing sex life isn’t the end of the world and just a bump in the road that you hope to take all the way with this guy.

Good luck!

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