Should I cut all contact with my ex?

[relationshipa1]

I’m in my first year of law school, and about 6 months ago, I began
seeing another law student. Although I wanted to take things slowly,
he ended up asking me to make the relationship “official” after a
month and a half of dating. Things moved pretty quickly — he (on his
own accord, not at my suggestion) came to stay at my house and meet my
parents during winter break, and although I had been the hesitant one
at first, I soon began falling for him. In February, after a few
drinks, we ended up getting into a conversation where I pretty much
told him I was falling in love with him, even though I had known he
had a rocky home life and had only said “I love you” to one person
before — after more than a year of dating. We also have different views in regard to sex; we had fooled around/toed the line, but I told him that night that I needed to hear he loved me before we had actual sex (vaginal intercourse) — he, on the other hand, has done the one night stand thing, etc.

Things went OK for the next couple of weeks; we had little fights, but
nothing serious. Then he broke it off with me quite suddenly (over the
phone) at the beginning of March — he said he wanted to take a break,
I said that it was either keep it on or break up. We broke up. I was
blindsided and pretty miserable. He still wanted to be friends.

Fast forward to today — we both had been on spring break and were having a
talk . He told me that he had slept with a girl who he had met right
around the time I had told him I was falling in love with him. (She
lives near the vacation spot where he went for spring break.) I told
him I really couldn’t be friends with him — in part because I didn’t
trust him and in part because I thought I wouldn’t be able to get over
him if we stayed friends. He told me he wanted me to still be his
“best friend” and that he still liked me and was attracted to me. He
asked if we could be “exclusive friends with benefits”; I said that
wouldn’t work, but that I was willing to try to start over and date
exclusively, but take it as slowly as I had wanted to in the
beginning. I didn’t get a clear answer on that; instead, he dodged it
and kissed me. We made out and then I left.

Obviously, I don’t want friends with benefits, but right now, I’m
allowing myself to think that I scared him with the original talk of
falling in love and now he’s just scared and that eventually he will
come back. Do you think there’s any chance of that? Should I try to
remain friends with him or just cut all contact? I miss him as my
friend, but I don’t think I can heal with him constantly texting or
e-mailing me.

[katdawg]

yes, you should cut all contact with your ex in order to get over him. the two of you are on separate pages on where you want the relationship to go; you are wanting him romantically but he is just wanting to be friends. that isn’t fair to you and gives you false hopes of things moving forward or there still being a chance for the two of you. why do that to yourself? i’m sure if you explain that to him he will stop calling/contacting you. you’re only hurting yourself if you stay in contact. maybe once you’re over that “feeling” of still wanting him romantically communication can resume but not when you want one thing and he wants the opposite. :O(

[April Masini]

[i]Katdawg[/i] is right. It’s time for you to cut off completely with this guy, but I’m going to give you a little bit of a harsher take on your situation:

Why would you sell yourself so short? 😮 You are a quality person who deserves a man who wants to devote himself to you and not just cheapen you as a friend with benefits. This guy is looking to have his cake and eat it, too and you have to protect and respect yourself.

Forget being friends with him — he isn’t up to par to be your friend. I know you’re lonely, but you deserve better. And nothing is better than a guy who gives you such a rotten relationship deal.

Next!!

[katdawg]

High Five!!

[April Masini]

Thank you! 😀

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