[Jasmine]

I met my bf in Dec 2006. I had been divorced since 2003 and he was separated from his wife for 18 months. We met in a restaurant, hit it off immediately.. The next two years were a whirlwind filled with great laughs, good fun and lots of love. We cohabitated for the last 18 months . We were inseparatable until this past Spring. His divorce was in its last stages. He started getting moody and distant. I hung in there until last month. It was 8 months of a vicious roller coaster ride. One month ago, we had a fight, he packed up my things and put it in my car, discarded like garbage because he needed space. We spent two weeks apart, I did not call him – I gave him space and now he is back – We do not live together anymore, its been almost three weeks. He claims he is trying to figure out what he wants…Should I give him time – A part of me says let it go he says he doesnt know what he wants but he has started sharing his life again with me. We meet for dinner and spend the day together on the weekend but during the week he does his own thing. Communication is numerous times during the day, he initiates the call, I am stepping back a little …

Do I give him more time to figure things out? Move on with my life? or just go with the flow?

Help…somedays i feel like throwing in the towel, other days I feel that I love him and need to let him figure things out at least for a short period of time…then i wonder how long is reasonable…THis is driving me crazy need some input…

[April Masini]

Yes to all three of your questions!

“Do I give him more time to figure things out? Move on with my life? or just go with the flow?”

Yes. Yes. Yes.

What happened is that you were your boyfriend’s rebound girlfriend after his separation. Since it took 2 years for the divorce to be finalized, he’s now realizing he’s truly divorced. His marriage failed, and it is over. This can be very emotional for some people. It just depends on the person and how they process divorce.

It’s understandable that when you met, and he was separated 18 months from his wife, he was thrilled to be “back in the saddle again” so to speak. The whirlwind romance was not just about you — it was about him realizing he’s not dead after divorce, he’s very much alive and enjoying his life with this wonderful woman — you!

But now that he’s finally divorced, and free to remarry, he’s now seriously considering his options. And it sounds like he’s definitely uncertain.

So if you take all that seriously, the best measures for you to take are to move on with your life. Just because he’s at a standstill or in a rut, doesn’t mean you have to be. He moved out, and that’s a big step backwards. You can’t take care of him — he’s not your husband — so, you have to take care of [i]yourself. [/i]

Be open to dating other guys, since this guy has just given you good reason to believe he’s not going to be Mr. Right for you, and if he wants to date you, and you want to date him, that’s great. But he’s not showing signs of compatibility or stability right now, and it’s time for you to start playing the field so that you don’t waste your time with someone who after 18 months of your valuable time, isn’t sure of things with you.

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