should I stay or should I go?

[relationshipa1]

Dear April,

2.5 years ago I met an amazing man. We fell in love and after 3 dates he moved in. I have a son from a different relationship and my man has accepted my son as his own(hes an amazing dad). When we started dating he had just graduated from college and didnt have a job, I fully supported him for 8 months until he found something, and then he got fired and I spoke to a few friends and they found him another job and then he got yet another job and after 6 months he got layed off. I have been pushing him to better himself for the last 2.5 years. I have let myself go while pushing him to do better. Now hes yet again without a job, we are constantly arguing because he wont help around the house, because of his job situation and about his family. His family isnt as well off as mine is and my family has always been helping us with groceries or with random bills. I just feel like im alone in this relationship, I have to deal with all the bills, the house and family (rent, eletricity, phone/cable/internet, groceries and the 2 cats and 1 dog). Now im thinking I rushed into things too quickly and Im scared the grass isnt greener on the other side. I dont want to argue but I also dont want to be alone. HELP! Am I crazy to let this guy go?

[April Masini]

I know you said he’s “amazing”, but all you’ve written about is his inability to get a job, hold a job or support a family. What is it, exactly, that you think you’re giving up? From over here, the choice seems clear. As a single mother, you need a man not someone you have to take care of.

After you break up with this guy, re-think dating as a single parent. Obviously, moving in with anyone after three dates is a mistake. Learn from the lesson here. Read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you understand how to find, get and keep Mr. RIGHT — not Mr. Right Now. 😕

I hope this helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1154528031[/url].

[Anonymous]

I guess im scared of losing a positive male influence for my son. Im scared to be alone, im scared of dissapointing my family (they adore him). Im also scared to scar my son, he thinks of this man as his father (he has no contact with his real dad). Im scared of losing a friend, hes been there for me in my tough times and I feel i should stick by him no matter what. My parents got divorced over money and I dont want to end up like them.

[April Masini]

Okay…..

First of all, your parents didn’t get divorced over money. They got divorced over the fact that they didn’t have enough money to do the things they wanted to do with it or they disagreed on how to accrue it and how to spend it. [i]Big[/i] difference. Don’t shy away from what really happened. You can learn from it. 😉

Second of all, you’re setting yourself up with this guy to have the same problems your parents had that led to their divorce. Take a breath and really sit down and figure out what happened in your past, and how you’re going to make changes in your present and future to avoid historic pitfalls. 😉

Third, this guy is NOT a positive male influence on your son. Your son needs to see a man who takes care of his family. You’ve brought in another child who is going to take your son’s money and time away from him. This is a no win for your son. You just don’t see it yet. Teenage years are coming — you’re setting up a scenario for disaster with this guy and your son. Your son is going to figure out that this guy is not a stand up guy because he’ll see other fathers and other single mothers with boyfriends who all have jobs, and he’ll start to have problems because he won’t understand why you couldn’t choose a man who’s like the other men in his friends’ mother’s lives. 😳

Fourth, this guy is not your friend. Friends don’t mooch like he does. Friends are respectful. He isn’t. He’s taking advantage of you and he’s not setting a good example for your son as to how a man behaves around women and mothers. 😳

Fifth, if you’re looking for a charity, there are many charities that have true victims. For instance, The Red Cross is a good one. Children’s cancer charities are good ones. If you really want to show loyalty and stick with someone who needs help, choose someone who REALLY does need help. Don’t enable someone who is just being lazy.

And lastly, I’m sorry if this is really tough, but you shouldn’t be worried about disappointing your parents. You’re a grown up and your son is your first priority, not your mother and father. Choose a man who treats your son well because he’s a good man who takes care of himself, is self-respecting and someone you respect, and who wants the best for your son, you and himself, and shows it.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1154528031[/url]. 😀

[jackbur]

I can understand your emotions because i had passed from the same stage you are passing right now.
Just give sometime to your husband and he will really prove himself.Be positive everything will become good in your life….

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Author]

Posts