Should I tell a girl that I like her when she has a boyfriend

[andrewjames13]

Hi April,

I have fallen for my best friend of 6 years, however, she has been going through an on-and-off relationship with another man for the past 5 years at least 6 times.

We use to work together and she had expressed her feelings towards me when I was committed to another woman at the time, which had lasted 4 years. Within this time, she got into a relationship too and after my break-up, it was only then I told her my true feelings about her. She told me that she use to like me but she is with someone else and would like us to remain friends.

She relocated to work abroad and we have stayed in touch – I have even visited her while she was in a relationship. When she broke up with her boyfriend, she requested that we should meet over lunch and invite our mothers when she was back for a few weeks. Later, she bought me a holiday as a birthday present but shortly after told me that she is back with her ex and they are now planning to buy a house together when she moves back to London early next year.

It has been poor timing with us and a missed opportunity. Her recent actions and generous gifts have confused me further – I feel that I should open up and be honest while respecting her current relationship. If I keep quiet for any longer, I can envision regret in not telling her.

Please can you let me know your thoughts on her recent actions, particularly the meaning behind the mother meet up and the holiday gift. Should I tell her how I feel?

Many thanks,

Andrew

[April Masini]

You’re a 26 year old guy who’s in the friend zone! 😕 If you want to get out, you have to commit to getting out. If you want to have a shot at romance, you have to stop being her friend. That’s going to be a big change for you, and it carries risk because it means you only see her (and she only sees you) if the two of you are dating. But if you don’t take this risk and make this step, you’re going to remain in the friend zone and you’re going to have regrets and wonder what if, often.

So, instead of telling her you like her — which is a lot more suited to teenagers than adults — tell her you can’t be her friend anymore because you have romantic feelings and you want to date her. Ask her to go on a date with you for Saturday night. If she says yes, then go for it. If she says no, then you have to move on and let her feel the loss of your presence. By staying in the friend zone, she doesn’t have to date you and she can still have you — but if you let her know you’re a man who wants to date her, and that’s more important to you than being in this awkward situation, you may gain her respect, and her affections. 😎

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